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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the teacher should be able to explain this better?

28 replies

InstitutionCode · 01/06/2015 19:47

DC's school send out monitoring info every half-term. It gives their levels, effort and conduct marks and indicates any cause for concern.

DS2 (yr7) got a cause for concern under conduct in Maths. This was a surprise, I'm used to being told he doesn't work hard enough, but no-one's every complained about this actual behaviour (although I realise the two things are linked)

Anyway, as an issue had been flagged I wanted to find out what it was and what DS and I need to do to resolve it, so I called the school to ask.

DS2 has 2 maths teachers. One called me back today, he said he has no issues with DS2's conduct, that he's working reasonably hard and making progress in his classes and that the other teacher had given the cause for concern. He has spoken to the teacher who raised the concern and in teacher's words "he wasn't able to articulate exactly what the issue is, just that if anything's going on DS is always involved". Wasn't able to suggest anything we can do to help.

I called to try and support the school with any behaviour issues. AIBU to be disappointed with this response and that the teacher with the issue didn't call me himself? He's head of Maths BTW, if that's relevant.

OP posts:
ragged · 01/06/2015 19:49

ime you're doing well to get any phone call back at all.

it sounds non-specific, he's messing around, Your son full well Knows what he's doing that isn't acceptable. For now I'd let him know that you don't want to see that on his report again.

grannytomine · 01/06/2015 19:50

Two of my kids are teachers, one is a maths teacher and I have heard them say that they hate it when they share the class with another teacher for the same subject. Apparently one always ends up being good cop and one is bad cop. Maybe it is that? It is a shame that you couldn't speak to the teacher with the problem.

Theycallmemellowjello · 01/06/2015 19:53

What more do you want to know? There's no one major incident, he hasn't set a desk on fire, he's just generally chatting and messing about. I agree that you just need to tell him to buck his ideas up.

trinity0097 · 01/06/2015 19:53

Sounds like he is mucking around for one of the teachers!

Original poster
InstitutionCode · 01/06/2015 20:05

Oh I agree he's mucking about, which he shouldn't be and he will be told that in no uncertain terms. But what am I supposed to do about it if I'm not there? If the teacher thought it was important enough to tell me about it, shouldn't he be able to talk to me about what we're going to do about it?

OP posts:
NinkyNonkers · 01/06/2015 20:07

He will be dealing with it in class,and just wants you to reinforce at home. It doesn't need a plan of action, he's just keeping you informed as parent so you Can take responsibility.

Golfhotelromeofoxtrot · 01/06/2015 20:10

Ask for him to be put on maths report- mark out of five for his behaviour each lesson, but only in maths.

Original poster
InstitutionCode · 01/06/2015 20:12

Well yes Ninky, that's why I called, to take responsibility, but he didn't want to talk to me.

OP posts:
Yarp · 01/06/2015 20:13

I don't think you need to do anything in this scenario. They'll contact you if they need you to be involved. Don't worry

RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc · 01/06/2015 20:14

The teacher has to tell you regardless of whether they want your assistance. it's just feedback. if they want more than a standard "hmm buck up your ideas in maths" they'll contact you. The purpose of the form is just keeping you up to date. It's not a direct contact asking you to act.

TheFallenMadonna · 01/06/2015 20:15

You reinforce your expectation that he behaves in class. Teacher deals with the behaviour in class.

whatyouseeiswhatyouget · 01/06/2015 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fatmomma99 · 01/06/2015 20:16

I think that's overkill Golf. This is secondary, not primary. I think they're considered too old for behaviour charts.

The teacher has flagged up OP's son messing around a bit, now DS knows you know. School will deal, hopefully backed up with reinforcing message at home. No need to do anything else unless you get more serious reports or reports of it happening in other classes.

TheFallenMadonna · 01/06/2015 20:19

After monitoring reports go out, I get around 25-30 emails from fretting parents. I have been known to be a fretful parent myself! I do wonder if less frequent reporting, and individual contact for concerns, would be better.

Suefla62 · 01/06/2015 20:19

If you know he's messing about what are you going to gain by speaking to the specific teacher to let him tell you he's messing about? Now you're warned just have a word with your son and keep on top if it, that's all they want.

Original poster
InstitutionCode · 01/06/2015 20:21

I know,I know, but this is unusual for DS2 and his other maths teacher doesn't have a problem with him, so it would be good to get to the bottom of what this issue is, before it gets bigger.

OP posts:
wispywoo1 · 01/06/2015 20:23

How often does this teacher teach your son? Year 7 boys can be very silly and immature. Some can lack focus and this can lead to huge problems in later years. Lazy boys slip under the radar for years. If your son is one of these boys then it's good that the teacher is picking up on this. Sharing classes is awful especially if you only see them once or twice a week.

To improve this you could ask for your son to be placed on subject report, simply warn him of x concequence if his monitoring data doesn't improve or ask to meet the teacher. It sounds like your son needs to know he is being closely monitored and this will probably rectify the situation.

The HoD will be busy but they will want to improve the progress and behaviour of the whole class. Could you get his email and email for a weekly update? Email is much easier. Phone calls can often lead to a cat and mouse game.

Could you afford extra tuition such as Kumon? Most kids will improve if they are threatened with extra maths Grin

TheFallenMadonna · 01/06/2015 20:27

Definitely email! Telephone calls are difficult to juggle on a school working day.

NinkyNonkers · 01/06/2015 20:28

What I mean is, what more do you want? You know he is messing around. They have informed you so that you can speak to him and deal with it.

Yarp · 01/06/2015 20:32

If it's unusual then you'll be feeling more upset than is necessary. I was shocked the first time my DS1 was pulled up for messing about (really). But It gave me a chance to talk to him and get him to buck his ideas up. He's fine now. It need not be a big deal.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 01/06/2015 20:35

Confused I agree with the others. You've been told he's been messing around. Now you want...what? To be told he's messing around?

I suppose it would have been better coming from the teacher themselves, rather than their co-teacher, but still.

All that needs to happen is for you to tell your son it needs to stop, whatever this "in the thick of it" means. He's old enough not to need mollycoddling and old enough to know that when he plays up, he gets into trouble.

TheFallenMadonna · 01/06/2015 20:37

My DS is in year 9. He was given his first detention at about this point in year 7. I completely overreacted. I said I would ask the head of year to put him on report, I would email all his teachers etc. My DH had to remind me what my response as a teacher would be! He has not had another detention mind you...

FuzzyWizard · 01/06/2015 20:42

Tbh I wonder if the maths teacher you spoke about is part of the problem. There are unfortunately some teachers that are happy to undermine colleagues. Low level off-task behaviour can have a huge impact on attainment and really the maths teacher you spoke to should have reinforced this rather than playing the good cop card. The teacher won't necessarily expect you to 'do' anything. They are just making you aware that your DS's silly behaviour is becoming a problem. I'd just reinforce to him the importance of behaving well in all of his maths lessons. As a PP mentioned I hate sharing classes for just this reason.

ragged · 01/06/2015 21:13

it would be good to get to the bottom of what this issue is, before it gets bigger.

What happens when you ask your DS what is going on?

Babymamamama · 01/06/2015 21:27

I think the teacher you spoke to May have been being tactful by saying the other teacher couldn't articulate it more. If he's messing around in class maybe the description wasn't one he cared to repeat. Maybe ask to speak to the teacher concerned rather than get a second hand version?