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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend can't cook

71 replies

ninaaa · 01/06/2015 16:54

My friend has invited DH and I over for dinner.

Whenever DH and I have visited for dinner, the meal has been dried out from being in the oven too long, and tasted very bland, she doesn’t appear to season her food. We have always told her it was lovely as we didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She has been over to ours for dinner recently, and now wants to return the invitation.

I have considered suggesting going to a restaurant or getting takeaway instead, but I don’t want to offend her. I’ve also thought of suggesting I bring a dish, then I know at least one part of the meal will taste nice, but again, I don’t want to offend her.

What would you do?

OP posts:
SiobhanSharpe · 01/06/2015 17:11

I think it's OK to ask for sone salt and pepper if there's none on the table, some cooks might deliberately underseason, knowing that salt is not to everyone's taste, but provide salt and pepper so people can add their own if they find it a bit bland want some. (I have been known to secrete Tabasco about my person but then I have ruined my palate with chillies)

SiobhanSharpe · 01/06/2015 17:12

SOME salt and pepper

SurlyCue · 01/06/2015 17:13

OP i would go with insisting suggesting either takeaway, restaurant, you cooking it with her or you bringing a dish. Its worth a shot, she can always refuse and you will just go anyway and be polite but if there's a chance of having a half way decent meal without hurting her feelings then its worth trying.

I speak as a crap cook. Really crap.

viva100 · 01/06/2015 17:13

Is it bland or just awful? If it's just bland then just eat it. If it's the latter, I still don't think you can say anything about her cooking but I would suggest a restaurant. Maybe say that you don't have the energy to keep entertaining and that you guys should go out for dinner from now on because you don't want her to do all the work.
I have an aunt who is terrible in the kitchen but insisted on having us for dinner all the time. It's just soooo awful. Not just bland but absolutely gross. Oh, and it always has lots and lots of onion and sour cream. Last time, DP couldn't eat it and had to say he was full from a work event that afternoon (and he eats almost anything). We've stopped going there for dinner now and say we work late but that we can see each other for a drink or, if it's the weekend, at a restaurant because we wanna get out of the house. MN will tell you you should always be grateful bla bla bla....but most haven't had to sit down and eat truly awful food. I'm an adult and one of the perks is that no one can tell me what to eat ffs!

QueenofallIsee · 01/06/2015 17:13

What would I do? Be nice! Unless food is actually inedible (as oppose to bland and a bit dry) eat it and be pleasant as you are there to see your friend not to judge her food surely? And you should offer to take a dish anyway, when I cook a meal my guests often offer to bring a pudding.

Unless you are super up your own bottom, I am sure you could consider that you have on occasion provided food not to the taste of your guests and I am sure they haven't been hand wringing about it.

YellowTulips · 01/06/2015 17:14

Bland and dry isn't nice but it's not going to kill you to eat it.

Unless it's really vile or undercooked to the point of being unsafe I'd just suck it up and be thankful for the invite given she is trying to reciprocate.

kissmethere · 01/06/2015 17:15

I don't thinkI you should say anything in case she gets upset, if it's so awful you're considering take away.
Lots of wine good idea. Why do you say food poisoning that suggests undercooked food or bad kitchen habits.

Original poster
ninaaa · 01/06/2015 17:15

Well last time we had oven baked chicken breasts, with boiled potatoes and broccoli.

The chicken was overcooked and dry, the potatoes were bland and the broccoli was mushy. Desert was berries and ice cream, so that was fine.

I guess I could ask for salt/ pepper, I assume she would not be offended by that?

OP posts:
Original poster
ninaaa · 01/06/2015 17:17

I was joking about the food poisoning, she has never given us food poisoning yet. Although I believe she had given it to herself a couple of times from undercooked meat, which may be why she overcooks everything now.

OP posts:
Bellebella · 01/06/2015 17:18

Easy I force it down and say thank you just like I do for one of my grandmothers who is a awful awful cook. It's the polite thing to do.

kissmethere · 01/06/2015 17:27

So thankfully no food poisoning. Dh is so fussy about food but it's the quality rather than how it's cooked, usually. Some people just aren't good cooks. I'd also suggest bringing a smidge of seasonings if you can get away with it . I'm really not about offending people over a kind gesture but yes if it's so bad you need to get through it.

XiCi · 01/06/2015 17:27

I would definitely ask for condiments and am surprised she didn't offer salt and pepper. I think I'd have asked for salt, pepper and butter for the potatoes to make that last meal a bit more palatable if it was that bad.
Maybe offer to bring a starter or dessert? Could it be she dreads doing it but feels she has to reciprocate after you have cooked for her?

ConfusedInBath · 01/06/2015 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Weathergames · 01/06/2015 17:30

If I can survive my MILS cooking for an entire weekend you can survive your friends for an entire evening!

WorraLiberty · 01/06/2015 17:34

You need to stop inviting her to yours for dinner, if you know she's going to want to return the favour.

Just get through this meal and try to make it restaurants only in future for all of you.

IHaveBrilloHair · 01/06/2015 17:36

Eat it and thank her.

workhouse · 01/06/2015 17:41

I have relatives who are like you, except that my cooking isn't as bad as your friends. They always want to know what they will be having or if there will be meat, etc. In the old days they even used to bring spare food, and sometimes even eat it instead of what I prepared.

I always think, just eat the food, one meal which isn't exactly as you always have it won't kill you. It's so rude. If I behaved like that at their house it would be considered terrible behaviour.

ThingummyJigg · 01/06/2015 17:48

She is inviting you over because she enjoys your company, though clearly she isn't a foodie.

You enjoy good food and see the meal as the main reason for going to dinner.

You are at cross purposes with each other.

Is the pleasure of her company worth sitting through boring food for?

Radiatorvalves · 01/06/2015 17:49

That sounds dull, but not horrendous. DH went to a friends house and was served fish pie made with crab sticks. It looked like pink sick. It was accompanied by over cooked (45mins) spaghetti. He said it was the most disgusting thing he has ever had.

diddl · 01/06/2015 17:49

No gravy or sauce?

I'd find that quite dry.

Lack of seasoning probably wouldn't bother me though.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 01/06/2015 17:49

Just go and thank her for her hospitality and buy her a cookery book for her next birthday/Christmas.

drinkscabinet · 01/06/2015 18:00

You've not been rude so ignore those that are making nasty comments. I think the world is split into those who see food as fuel and those who see food a great pleasure. The fuel people don't really get how unpleasant a bad meal can be for the obsessives.

Anyway, take a nice bottle of wine and offer to make a pudding. I'm sure she'll appreciate that and it's something I always do if I'm invited somewhere (as does everyone else I know) so it's no comment on the quality of her cooking. Cooking for guests is a lot of work even if you enjoy it and an extra pudding is always welcome, it's fun to have a choice at pudding time.

whois · 01/06/2015 18:03

Ask for salt and proper, and mustard and butter for the potatoes. In a nice way. "oh you know in absolutely addicted to mustard on my potatoes, do you have any" not "your food is bland, pass me some flavour"

RackofPeas · 01/06/2015 18:06

Buy her a slow cooker for Christmas. No more dry meat!

Take lots of wine - or beer, whatever you like best.

45 minutes to cook pasta?!? Really? Wow, that's bad. Op, it could be a whole lot worse!

AmyElliotDunne · 01/06/2015 18:12

Could you take a nice bread basket with an assortment of nice breads and some posh butter. Then you can fill up on bread and cover everything else in butter!