…to expect my husband to check the cupboards and fridge before shopping for food?

[Nettletheelf]

DH and I operate a weekly rota for shopping and cooking: one week on, one week off.

I get annoyed when he buys stuff that we already have. I've raised it with him (gently) several times. He prefers to order stuff from Ocado rather than visiting supermarkets, so he orders food from our house.

When he says, "is there anything particular you want?", I reply, "yes, I'd like you to check the fridge, freezer and cupboard before you do the Ocado order".

He never does it. Never. It drives me insane. The Ocado order he put in yesterday just arrived. He has ordered stuff we already had in abundance. We now have:

• 3 large bags of penne pasta.

• 16 eggs.

• 4 boxes of cherry tomatoes.

• 3 bunches of asparagus.

• 3 bags of red chillies.

• 3 bags of ginger root.

• 8 chicken breasts.

• 6 lemons

• 18 onions.

It's just me and him - there are no children living with us. We're not skint or anything, but I can't stand waste.

He also leaves stuff he buys on 'his' weeks lying in the fridge and never thinks to get rid of them, so I'm always throwing out manky e.g. creme fraiche that's ten days over its use by date and has been shoved to the back of the fridge by DH.

Some stuff I can freeze, but that's hardly the point. He thinks that life is too short to spend two minutes checking what food we already have. On 'his' shopping weeks, we often run out of bread. He works from home, I don't. He is five minutes' walk from a supermarket. I'll often get home from work late to find that there's no bread for the morning. Hs response: "I'm too busy". This has also happened when I've returned late from a few nights away. I think that he's being selfish.

Should I just suck it up? He acts as if I'm unreasonable but I think that household chores, like making sure that we have enough food, should be shared.

If the Ocado shop is done online, can't you just do an online shop together every weekend, order what you need, but stick to the one week on, one week off cooking rota?

Might be an option!

Hope you manage to sort it, OP. Whilst it's not something I can relate to, we all know it's not great when something in our relationship grinds us down a bit.

I can see how you feel you have to take it over but all I can think is bingo, he's got his way.

Sorry, Nettle, but he sounds like a bit of a dick.

Anyone who thinks they're too good to do the housework just because they're in proud possession of a penis needs a kick up the arse. How can you respect him as a partner? I hope you're not thinking of having kids with him any time soon as it doesn't sound like he'd be capable of pulling his weight.

Thanks, and yes, it does seem as if he's got his way.

I agree that he is being a complete tw@t over this, though. I will investigate the 'joint online shopping' option. Even if it means that I'm the one checking the cupboards, since doing so seems to be beyond my husband's remit.

It is not a biggie along the lines of abusive behaviour but this refusal to avoid waste and cluttering the house up with multiple perishables that end up in the bin would make me stabby very quickly. I am so annoyed just reading your posts about him.

In fact, divorce him. Or don't breed with him. I will support you to the hilt.

yes, I think this fits neatly into the definition of 'unreasonable behaviour'.

You should hear him kicking off when he runs out of his favourite Waitrose cereal. On 'my' shopping weeks, he has been known to insist that I go to Waitrose solely to buy his sodding mixed berry crisp. I won't, because it's not an easy store to get to.

He doesn't seem to see the irony when I get back from a long weekend away with the girls to find no bread or basics in the house. Because he has been "too busy".

Nettle - Forgive me - he sounds like a spoilt brat. And I am genuinely shocked by his comment about water. Is he very unintelligent? If not, surely he realises that water has to be purified, pumped, cleaned up, properly disposed of etc etc. All that - as well as heating water, of course - uses energy, which contributes to global warning, and costs quite a lot of money. Here is Scotland we do indeed have a lot of water, but in parts the UK, eg East Anglia, water supplies can get problematic in dry summers. Just ask the farmers there.

Bloody hell, I'd have got fed up with this attitude long ago!! I've been known to forget to do a list before going to asda but can generally visualise the fridge and I know what's in the freezer and cupboards. Dp is pretty good at realising we are running out of stuff and will write it on a sticky on the fridge which we add to during the week.

He also cleans the loo, does washing and all the ironing plus his share of cooking. I couldn't handle being with someone who acted like a helpless child.

He sounds entitled and lazy. Give him a kick and fgs don't have kids with him.

ermmm...why dont you just "regift" him his behaviour...or is it just me would serve him
a whole chicken breast -with onion chillie pepper asparagus skewer and boiled egg...on a skewer - not cut up or nicely presented - or even peeled.. - probably / possibly microwaved...

and if there was a SINGLE comment the response would be
"I thought this is what we were doing now"
you know...minimum to get the job done...by the way..thats your clothes on the lawn - I've sprinkled then with washing powder and reacon they should be clean in...erm...what exactly is the weather forcast ???

because theres randomly bad at stuff and theres inventivly maliciously bad at stuff...
mwahh ha..ha....

HAHAHAHA thank you for the kebab recommendation! Best laugh I've had all day!

Yes, I think he is spoilt. I must be careful to spoil him no further. He is clever, so undoubtedly realises that purified water at different temperatures isn't provided by the water sprites, but he is a bit of an awkward bugger.

Yanbu.

When he says, "is there anything particular you want?", I reply, "yes, I'd like you to check the fridge, freezer and cupboard before you do the Ocado order".

I'm stealing this.

I was going to say that dh sounds just like him cos he wouldnt check the fridge either, but then I kept reading and am glad dh sounds nothing like him

he sounds a PITA actually

YANBU.

'Yes, I think I might have to take over the shopping.'

That's just enabling this entitled dick.

Sorry, I couldn't live like that. He has FA respect for anything but himself.

Agreed. I might go for the tomato and egg on a stick solution.

Aw!..thank you for seeing past my spelling to the true evil / fun of equality...

This would drive me mad, OP.

Mind you, my DH is a pain when it comes to the shopping.

He routinely buys eggs, bread and milk and toilet roll.

And anything that's short dated, reduced or on offer.

So we end up wasting lots because it's gone off.

He's the one that suffers though as he doesn't like waste.

So he picks the mould off bread and still uses it. I bet he doesn't remember the last time he ate fresh bread.

And he eats anything past its sell by date as he doesn't like it to be thrown away.

And he leaves food out overnight too, so I don't deem it fit for consumption, but he'll still eat it.

His loss. My DDs and I still eat nice food.

Are you planning children? Because I would be very, very careful that you don't end up posting on here in 5 years time in a pit of fatigue, having burnt his guitar in one of your low moments.

This is not a man thing,because I know plenty of men who are not like that. (although I know no women like this, coupled or not) This is an "I can't be arsed with house stuff" thing. And the house stuff is likely to include children. It's student with a bit of cash behaviour. It's much easier to do it your way, both practically and for avoiding the aggro. I take it he can organise his work ok? So, there's another reason why. He probably doesn't know himself. It's pretty fucking selfish, though.

I can't have children, sadly. Although some might say that I already have one. I feel that the worm must turn.

I will keep the guitar pyre for the point at which we have 5 boxes of palm sugar. It's true, I've put up with this nonsense because I can't bear living in squalor.

Oh, sorry. That was thoughtless of me.

Hope you get some good ideas from the thread.

None taken! Thanks for your input, ladies and exchangeable spouse.

So in one week you have to shop, cook and wash up! Wow!

Could you do the list together? Whoever's turn it is decides on what they want to cook, then spend 20 mins making a list together and checking the fridge etc. Then the shopper of the week can purchase it at their leisure.