to keep waiting to TTC?

[bumblegrot]

I joined Mumsnet a long time ago now to read up on the whole TTCing thing. Several years later, I'm still here, seemingly no closer to getting round to it.

DH and I keep thinking 'next year'. But I'm 33 now and I wonder if not now, when.

We wanted to own our own place but it's seeming impossible, but we have ok jobs and an ok income, but credit card debts that are at the moment manageable but of course I'd rather weren't there. I do worry about the financial side a lot.

AIBU putting it off for another year or two? Or more?

Oh I would just get on with it. We are older parents and everyone says the advantage is that you are financially stable but dh has just lost his job and I am likely to lose mine in a few months, there is no point waiting for the perfect plan as life throws what it will at you.
( we never planned to be older parents by the way, that was another thing thrown at us!)

Thank you for the AMH information.

Had a quick look at my job's maternity policy and to be able to take a year we would need to save about £20,000 just for that which makes me ! I guess you cut your cloth though.

To the pp who asked, both DH and I are dithering.

I wonder if I need to get over the buying a place first thing - after all if we need £20,000 to cover mat leave and then local childcare costs are £1,500 a month after that... Not forgetting we wouldn't actually be able to borrow much with that sort of monthly spend added to our rent. It'll never be in reach. Which makes me

Actually maybe more like £17,000. I need to re do my sums

Why do you need your own place? Babies don't take up much room. Out of my antenatal group I think the majority of us were renting and bought when the babies were bigger. I don't regret buying after DS was born at all. It's a bit chaotic but totally doable, in fact I've done it twice!

bumblegrot even though it would be nice to own your home, it isn't essential, don't let this hold you back!

Working out you need to save £17k is a good start!

Some things to think about are:

• Are you be entitled to Child Benefit? You both need to earn less than 50k to be eligible. That is £20.50 per week - just over £1000 per year
• Do you spend money currently that you won't be spending whilst on maternity leave. E.g. travel to work, gym membership, coffees on way to work, lunch at work.
• You won't be going out much when you have a baby. Can you save on meals out/ drinking?
• Have you factored in a possible tax rebate if you are not taking home maternity more than the £11k minimum tax threshold?
• shared parental leave is an option which may benefit you if you're the higher earner and want to go back to work earlier and your partner would like some time off
• Think about making a savings plan. To get to your target, how much money could you save each month? I managed £600 pcm by being really strict with myself. Then work out how many months it will take you to save this money...and how long you are likely to work to (36 weeks is the norm) - you will save lots when you are pregnant on booze and going out!

Your estimate of £1500 for childcare seems high to me. I am guessing you are in London and would need full time childcare? It is worth remembering that childminders are cheaper than full time nurseries. Also there may be voluntary run providers in your area that are cheaper, so you should shop around. I know people who pay £15 per hour for childcare whilst others pay £4.50...both very good Ofsted ratings, it's just horses for courses. Also the new childcare voucher scheme will give approx 20% discount.

Also once they turn 3 you should get 30 hours free based on today's announcements if you are both in work. So that will save you a bit of money!

Stop thinking about it so much! I think we discussed having ours in about 10 minutes over a plate of chips. I mean, you're going to do it anyway arent you? And at 33, you're not getting any younger. Even if you start ttc now, there's a good chance you won't even give birth till you're 35!

Don't think if it as making a huge leap and officially "trying"... Just let nature take its natural course. And don't over think it!

From a personal perspective, I waited until we were married and had the family home only for DH to lose his job when I was 16 weeks.

Then I had four m/cs between DS and DD and had to take injections to ensure DD arrived safely.

After all of this, I decided that there is never a good time as you never know what is around the corner but on the plus side I have learned that the body has an amazing way of coping and adapting to unexpected events when they do happen so I would say go for it and let nature take its course.

Just do it, you find the money.. We had debts but just subconsciously cut down on treats. The feeling of having a child is amazing, and now I feel silly that we put it off due to finances. It was an accident in the end! (Age 29) What if in two years your situation hasn't improved? Just do it and your life will work around baby.

I was highly fertile, until I had an ovarian cyst burst giving me peritonitis leading to losing both my ovaries. I was 27. My point is you never know what's round the corner.

I'm pregnant at 33. We do own our house but have debts. There's no greater motivator for paying off debt than a BFP. I don't plan on taking anywhere near a year off though, DH and I are sharing the leave and taking just over 4 months each.

Hi bumblegrot, when looking at how much you need to save for your time off have you considered some expenses will decrease (travel to work, lunches, nights out, holidays etc), when I sat down to do the sums recently I've saved for several years of bills.
I would recommend getting mortgage before maternity though.

I didn't meet my partner till I was 34, so by the time we were ready to have kids I was 37 - had MC with first (conceived on 2nd month of TTC) and had DS last year at 38 (conceived on 3rd month). My friend had her 1st earlier this year at 41, conceiving within 3 months, another had hers at 39 taking 7months - so it can be done without interventions later in life, but we're probably the lucky ones.

OH was more reluctant to have a child as he's 7 years older, we had a great lifestyle, so could have easily bumbled along having nice holidays, days & evenings out etc but given our ages it was a case of now or never, so I had to drive the decision (though left it for him to make - you need to be both on board). I didn't have any savings and had a car loan when I got PG, like the other poster says, there's nothing more motivating than getting pregnant for cutting back on outgoings and saving like crazy. For info our FT nursery fees are £850, but I'm not in London.

So in answer to your question YANBU to wait a little bit to get your credit card debts in order and build up some savings, but I'd put home owning out of your plans as that sounds like it could take a few years to happen for you.

Ultimately only you can make the decision and for good reasons it's a very hard one to make.

Is that £17k to equal what you would otherwise be earning? Being on mat leave can be much cheaper but it's also good to understand the cost of childcare after mat leave and the impact on your salary longer term.