To ask for tips to be a good host?

[Lookatmyredtrousers]

My DM was rubbish, and I always swore I would be the mum who always had people round, the Italian mama with a vat of pasta around a huge kitchen table. I have a baby and I realise this is not me, and time is running out

So my problem is part organisation, part cluelessness.

We never seem to have anything for unexpected (or expected! Visitors) everything seems a huge hassle. We try to plan everything and get in what we need for guests then woops, DH has to Go to the convenience store for milk because we don't have enough for tea or similar.

DH and I work FT; we are out of the house 12 hours a day. So we never have snack food; biscuits cakes crisps etc, or additional items to make a unplanned meal from.

Meal planning& being organised for us = no extra food for unexpected visitors etc.
Extra food in the house just in case= Perishables go off and sweet treats get eaten (which is why they're not bought in first place)

I am massively struggling to be able to host in a way that feels generous but casual. My DH is a nervous host; thinking nothing of leaving the house mid host to grab something from the shop (obviously no choice here for essentials, but for non essentials it's Awkward as guests feel it's too much trouble and I'm embarrassed and irritated too by how eager to please He seems)

Seriously I'm talking about a friend for lunch, a friend for tea, family for Sunday roast. All simple things but this Sunday is the last I am going to stress that we've done it badly AGAIN.

For unexpected drop ins we keep a nice box of M&S biscuits in the cupboard. Once they're opened we put them in a tin. I let the children finish them off and replenish every couple of months. Also have a cafetiere and some proper coffee that almost never comes out except for visitors. Afraid the milk thing is just organisation sorry

I'm not a natural hostess- too disorganised and not relaxed enough...
BUT I do it a lot and well!
The secret is knowing what you're good at, not being afraid of repeating meals and reminding myself that friends and family are here to see us, not just to eat.
I can have scones on the table in 10 minutes- simple recipe that is permanently on a board in the kitchen. Skimmed UHT milk in reserve for if we run out. If we have guests arrive unexpectedly for supper I can always whip up pasta putanesca from the store cupboard- tinned toms, capers anchovies olives and dried chillis.
If we have friends for the weekend we'll always have Raclette for one of the meals- I have the cheese in the freezer, pickles and new potatoes.
I'll also always do cassoulet and salad or a slow cooker stew with dumplings and just the one big serving of veg. Other top tips are tidying all the crap up and dumping it on my bed, cleaning the loo vacuuming the sitting room before guests arrive. Job done.

We also dont buy cakes, crisps etc because if we have them in the house we will eat them. We just buy if we expect visitors.

Some things you can always make:

• pancakes. You only need flour and milk.

• Hoummous if you can make your own with tined chickpeas. Serve with breadsticks, pitta bread, veg.

• pizza if you have cheese and veg.

• various pasta

Honestly it doesnt matter what you make, just relax. Pasta and pesto is fine if you are welcoming.

I think the main thing is to enjoy it yourself. If it is a chore then it is not fun.

Can I ask what went wrong with today's visit?

In this household, unexpected guests should be grateful for anything they do manage to get

For lunch I just get nice bread, meat, some salad and cheese etc, fruit and a cake (or make one, which is easier to do if/when DC get interested in that). Nothing exciting at all, but nice food at least.

Dinner again I'd focus on something easier like a stew, spag bol, cottage pie, chilli etc - buy good cuts of meat and make a nice version, but still something that doesn't require a huge amount of faffing.

We're like you and don't often have a lot in as we shop as we go, so an unexpected visitor for lunch would be lucky to get beans on toast. But it sounds like you're general food planning is going a little wrong somewhere? For example, how or where would you get food to feed you all on a weekend when you are in the house?

If you're getting lots of unexpected visitors expecting to be fed, then tell 'em you need more warning!

I think it is like any skill: Practice practice practice. You need to invite people over loads. You might find it awkward at first but you will get more and more relaxed.

A few practical ideas:
Keep frozen raw balls of cookie dough, or raw scones, or even some supermarket frozen part baked pastries. You won't eat them by mistake but you'll always have something that can be chucked in the oven and ready in 10 mins.

Keep some local takeaway menus handy if cooking is too stressful just order in for people instead (if budget allows obv)

Get people to help out. Most people love to feel helpful and would much rather that than sitting stiffly on the sofa while you run yourself ragged.

Can we have the scone recipe Seriously?

I always have salad, cheese, ham etc along with fresh bread made daily. Put all out on the table and people can help themselves.

I always offer the first drink after that it's help yourself. Always ice cream in the freezer for a quick pudding. Seems to work for me? People keep coming back so I presume they are happy.

Here's a shopping list for a weekend's entertaining. Obviously it includes stuff I find easy to cook!
Flour
Butter
Can squeeze cream or clotted cream
UHT milk and biscuits I won't eat before bleurgh chocolate hobnobs
That's afternoon tea.
Packet borlotti beans
1lb posh sausages
Tin of duck confit
One large iceberg and one packet of 'posh leaves'
Cassoulet for Saturday or Sunday lunch
Olives, tinned toms, capers dried chillies Parmesan and pasta- pasta for tea, the strong stuff can be added later to make a children's tea.

In the summer I serve shop bought meringues with soft fruits and in the winter crumble with apples from the garden or one of the 20 89p jars of preserved cherries and plums I bought from Aldi a few months back.
Birthday/ celebration cake is always chocolate brownie piled up with marshmallows and sparklers - I have a reliable and cheap recipe using cocoa.
Don't be afraid to not offer loads of options.

I think you should stick to what you find easy. So, for example, make lasagne, garlic bread, salad, drinks and bought dessert. Get that you can do this effortlessly. Make the lasagne in advance and freeze if you like. Then just do this for a Saturday tea, Sunday lunch whatever. Stick to what you're good at. IME folk would rather come and hang out with you and yours and you be relaxed than you be stressing about food. WE sometime just have pals over for takeaway (buy nice ice cream, drinks and crisps for before and pretty napkins).. Seriously it's the hanging out, not the food that's the thing.

Delia's scones
I leave the sugar out as my Dad's Diabetic- in fact I started making them so he'd have something to eat and rarely do any other cakes.

Here's an inspiring wee blog post I love about Friday Night Meatballs

Ooooh i made delia's scones yesterday. IME you need to double the recipe or it only makes about 6 which is, frankly, bit rubbish for my brood given I generally only make then when we have visitors and we're 5 already!

Another favourite blog post on scruffy hospitality

Oh and it's a big fat myth that Sunday roast is easy- it's a rubbish entertaining meal as it needs so much attention and careful timing.

But gorja what do you do with the ham/ salad etc when there are no visitors? In our house it would be thrown away and ham is pricey!

I'm seriously missing a brain part that deals with this I think

So today- in laws come for the day.
They come at 12, have tea and small cake slices. Another tea. About 2 decide to go to a local garden centre with cafe. Go there. Wander round. Get coffee in the cafe there. Realise it's 4pm and in laws have only had small cake slices since about 10am, when they would've set off for ours
Come home cook roast. Chicken takes 1hr 45 mins. Do 1 baking potato (large) per person into roasties. Isn't enough. Yorkies are small. Have that with chicken carrots and green beans gravy. Meal looks stingy. Forgot to get pudding.

Again feel like everyone left hungry and fed up- and not even sure how!? The garden centre thing ran away from us and dinner disaster

The scones are a great idea, but maybe I will make and freeze and have a "visitors" freezer drawer with them, clotted cream, pastries, milk, cheese, Ice cream, maybe some rolls? I find part baked bread grim.
But the guest freezer drawer could work well if it could be defrosted fast enough!

Again, agree with the practice element. So practise store cupboard stuff on normal days so that you are comfortable and relaxed "just whizzing them up" for unexpected guests.

So: YY drop scones or regular scones
A few pasta dishes with store cupboard stuff - dried pasta with garlic, olive oil, parmesan and chilli (you can freeze fresh chillis and just grate off as much as you want), or a porcini rissotto.

Make sure your store cupboard is stocked with your emergence guest stuff - but stuff (as above) that is regular use so - just keep a stock in of butter, flour, pasta, maybe a jar of pesto, rice, dried porcini, eggs.

You can keep bread/milk in the freezer.

tassiss I use a tiny cutter- they cook quicker and look cuter!!

That's a really interesting blog, tass, I liked that! It's very easy to get caught up in the 'everything has to be perfect' idea for entertaining. But it's not important, is it? As long as the kitchen and bathroom don't terrify people and they aren't going to kill themselves tripping over toys, it's all fine.

I have often served entirely pre-made shop bought food. I reckon it's nicer for my guests to eat Waitrose Finest quiche than anything I've hobbled together myself...

Ha! x post about the roast. You see I'd have done roast at 1, cooking before they walked through the door. Potato quantity is just experience, stuffing not yorkshires, one wow vegetable, usually carrots with orange and cinnamon and birds eyes peas.
Don't fret. It'll come with practice and why want you husband doing any of it?

ok. the thing about in laws is that you have to be strict about meals no matter how much they say its not important.
. So they come at 12. serve lunch. Bread, cheese, cucumber, then tea and small cake. Go to garden centre and come back.
Have some nice drinks - booze or soft drinks, and nuts, that you can put out while dinner is cooking. keep these in a locked cupboard so they only come out with visitors.
One chicken is rarely enough for more than 1 family, so put some other meat on. Sausages would be good. they keep ages.
Try to keep ice-cream in a flavor you don't like in the freezer so there is pudding but you are not tempted to eat it.

Were you expecting them? I'm baffled as to how it didn't occur to you that lunch should be made to be eaten at lunchtime and that roasts take time!

All the salad stuff is things we normally have for sandwiches for lunches in the week so all gets used. Just have to do a top up shop if we do have guests.

I make bread dough each evening to sling in the oven each morning so always have bread.

I think the art of it is to not worry about it of you see what I mean. I just chuck on the table what we have and don't worry about it. People are here to see us not to eat Michelin star food.

The roast wasn't lunch, it was dinner. We eat Sunday roast about 6, only slightly early than usual supper time. So really the problem was some kind of light lunch wasn't served because we were wandering round the garden centre

I know I sound really green but I used to be a pretty good host and a real foodie. That was pre 2008 when we had less to worry about and money was plentiful a lot of our old dinner party friends have moved on and I am
Totally out of practise. You're all
Right, it's practise (also- a different type of hosting- family time rather than drunkenness and complicated recipes!)

I love the meatballs blog. Thanks for all the great advice

Wow- we were the couple in scruffy hospitality. When work/ children/ life got too busy for organised perfect hosting we fell apart. So glad it's not just us!