To feel helpless

[tryharder100]

My mum has had MS for over 15 years and is really struggles on a day to day basis now.

Her husband of 11 years and carer left her last August for another women and she has really struggled since. She also has Bi-polar and has been sectioned once since he left and has come close again recently.

she lives around a 30 min drive away from me and as I don't drive it takes 2 buses and 2 hours to get to her. I feel so helpless, I work full time with 2 young children so hardly ever get to visit. I speak to her on the phone everyday.

The goal is to get her moved near us but this is proving near impossible as the council have said no as she hasn't lived in this area for over 5 years. Most private let's won't take someone on benefits and no matter how hard I try there is no way to save a deposit.

My 15 year old sister lives with her but doesn't help with basic care or cleaning etc. She is also due to stay with her father for 4 weeks for a break. I am dreading her being on her own.

Through the mental health team it looked as though the chances were they would look at moving her but this isn't the case now.

I just don't know how to help, any advise appreciated

Sorry for your situation. Does your mum have a social worker?

She doesn't have a social worker but has a very good gp and is under the mental health crisis team. She did have a social worker but he was very aggressive with her and wanted to take my sister from her, she complained and she hasn't had a visit since.

Could you look into the possibility of getting another one? The mental health crisis team must have access to social workers and be able to refer.

There has to be a way round getting her rehoused. Councils have rules, but there will be ways round this.

Thanks for your messages. I feel like I've tried everything but like you said there must be a way.

The council has categorically said no chance. The best way is housing associations but again rules about coming from a different council area. The mental health team are very hard to get hold off and last time she was meant to be sectioned as she was a risk to her self but she had to wait 2 weeks for a bed to become available.

I would have her here but live in 2 bed with husband and 2 kids.
just feel so helpless when she starts crying over the phone and I can't help.

I think the sad thing is that for all her working life she worked in charity shops and now she needs help I can't find any. xx

Thanks Miley

Contact your MP. It's surprising what they can help with.

Is she heading for residential care?

It sounds like your sister is also in need of care, if her mum can't mother her.

It is worth trying housing associations, reuniting families is sometimes a priority in allocation for some of them. It worked out that way for us, the moved my grandmother 200 miles to be closer to family support.

hidden home don't think residential care is on the cards yet, she is in her 50's and although she is in a lot of pain constantly she feels uncomfortable people helping.

karbon footprint it isn't the best situation, one of the reasons I am so desperate to be in the position to help. my sister does get a break quite often and doesn't want to leave my mum.

Thank you for all your suggestions will look into it.

Have you looked into sheltered housing or supported housing near you? That's something a social worker could help look into for her.

Is she in social housing at the moment? If so she could look for a swap.

I will look into sheltered housing thanks.

She is currently in a private let that is far too expensive for her each month and doesn't have a deposit as it was used for rent when her benefits were briefly stopped when her husband left.