to not go on a date with an otherwise perfect sounding guy as his main hobby is mediation

[pettywitchinlondon]

He beleives he can contact the spirit world and has apparently been training in it for 3 years.

I just think either a fraudster or foolish.

I'm being a bitch right?

Depends if it's a hobby or an obsession IMO.

DH's hobby is cricket. Bores me to coma in under 60 seconds. So we just talk about other stuff.

I did PMSL about the white feather dude and the seagulls though.

I think you SHOULD go on a date with him. And then come on here and tell us all about it.

Well you could always be open minded and meet him for a coffee and see what he's like.
It doesn't commit you to being shackled to him for ever.
If you're so against this aspect of his life that even meeting him is out do him favour now and don't waste his time.
And no, you're not being a bitch. I'm sure you're not the only woman around who he can go on a date with.

Not U, it's bad enough when associates go on about the woo crap they believe in, it would be hard to bite your tongue indefinitely long term.

Thinking that cricket is interesting - something that it's OK to disagree about.

Thinking that you can talk to the spirit world - slightly more of a problem.

Selfishly, I want to say YABU because this would be fodder for many fantastic threads.
But, in all truth, YANBU.

People who do this are very sociopathic. Avoid. Imagine the cruelty of telling someone you are communicating with their dead relatives. And even if they believe in what they are doing, its incredibly narcissistic to delude yourself and others in this way. It's no small thing to be picky about!

I'd avoid like the plague. He might as well have said his hobby is 'preying on the vulnerable'.

There's having different hobbies (I can't stand football but would have no problem going out with someone who likes it) and there's having morally incompatible beliefs (I wouldn't go out with someone who said they were a member of the BNP, however jolly and pleasant they seemed on the surface)

Id rather a man who lived in the real world!

Is his name Paul Salter or Jesse?

*Slater

YANBU. It's similar to being a staunch Atheist and dating a devout Evangelical Christian really. Probably not going to work when your belief systems are complete opposites.

I once met the 'perfect man' or so I thought until he told me he had a psychic adviser and could talk to trees. I never spoke to him again.

What a pillock? Him not you. UNless you're into guff like this OP? Move on, is my advice.

YANBU

Yanbu op. You guys aren't compatible so why waste each others time? I would say fraudster or foolish too. If he is in contact with spirits then they should give him a heads up on the date not happening.

Wow! Imagine if the OP was telling this story from the other perspective!? I'm sure most would rush to defend her right to continue (bearing in mind he's been doing this 3 years), and that anything else is controlling/narrow minded?

I assume you have encountered this person online, as otherwise I'm sure this would have come out in natural conversation. 'Perfect sounding' rarely, if ever, equals that. The fact you're asking about his 'hobby' intimates this too. To him it maybe absolutely what he believes in. You would clearly want to change his beliefs and goals. Please avoid for his benefit.

Op isn't asking him to give up his hobby though suntzu - so not sure what your point is. Trying to change him would be controlling, she is asking if there is any point in continuing with a relationship when she and this man have completely different belief systems.

To her, as to many others, claiming to be able to speak to the dead equals fraudulent or deluded. She wants to know if it is worth continuing a relationship with someone who is either of these. If he liked golf and she thought it was dull, most people would say no problem, let him go golfing and find something else you can enjoy together. But being a total charlatan is a bit of deal breaker for most people, it's not really a hobby is it?, or something you train for? It is thinking it's OK to deceive people who have lost someone they love, that's an indication of character and morals.
Op is quite rightly uncomfortable with this. Hardly controlling.

Wrong from the other POV the aibu would be: aibu I met someone on online dating and through talking I told her I was a medium. I've asked her out but shes not interested. Aibu to think I deserve a chance?

Yabvvu she owes you nothing all around.

No I don't want to change his beliefs, just don't want to meet up with him if believe such different things. I just think lier or easily swayed.

Would go on one date as I am intreged as a social experinment, but he lives so close wed probably bump into each other again

OH went a bit woo on me once so I convinced him I thought that Derek Acorah was some kind of god-like figure of the medium world, and he's never mentioned it again.

Wow! Imagine if the OP was telling this story from the other perspective!? I'm sure most would rush to defend her right to continue (bearing in mind he's been doing this 3 years), and that anything else is controlling/narrow minded?

If any woman came on MN to complain that a guy wouldn't go out with her because she was a spirit guide or whatever, I'd say she shouldn't be in the least surprised and that he had a made a wise choice.

Hope this helps.

But it's a date, she's not telling him to stop it, she's just choosing not to date someone with these ideas...how can that be controlling or wrong?