Thinking "why ?"

[Leafitout]

Long backstory but bottom line is that my ds's father is not around due to a history of abuse towards me and emotional abuse towards ds through court order.But why could he just not be a normal person? A father that should be in his ds life without all the bullshit that he dishes out. I'm gutted for ds that his father is not a role model. He doesn't deserve for a grown adult to behave this way.

I'm sorry Leaf. I hope you have removed your ds from his father's abuse. Please see if you can request to have your thread moved to Relationships, - you will receive no end of support and wise words there.

YANBU Must be really hard. He probably had a horrible upbringing himself to turn out the way he did. You can't change the situation, all there is left is acceptance. Do you have a new partner?

YANBU but you can bring up your DS to be better than his dad.

But why have a child with him if he is like this? I can understand the yearning to have a child but there are lots of decent blokes out there you could have had a child with.

Fairyliz how are you being even in the slightest helpful with that comment? Perhaps you can offer her your time machine. This isn't about her ds who she clearly loves and supports - it's about a man who is very abusive.

But does it actually help the op to say oh poor you this terrible thing has happened how awful. That is treating her like a passive participant who had no say in the matter. Surely the best thing is to say ok I made a mistake, I will learn from it and avoid men like this in future. Then do everything she can to give her Ds the best possible upbringing.

Most humans find empathy helpful. She's clearly moved on, asking questions about the past isn't helpful.

Fairyliz I think after this I'll stop engaging with your bizarre views and hope the OP doesn't take your insights to heart.

Surely the best thing is to say ok I made a mistake
So the mistake was what exactly? Having a son that she clearly loves?
If you didn't know - abusive men rarely start being abusive from day one. It is an insidious and increasing process. What mistake has she made? - Having a child by a man that she once loved? Your statement is clearly victim blaming and ignorant.

You have no shame as obviously you can read that he has also been EA to his own Ds. Why are you taking pleasure at kicking someone when they are clearly feeling down? Is the view all blue skies from your ivory tower? I suspect you know exactly what you are doing as I can't see how someone would so willingly take aim at someone who is so down and needs a hand hold and some advice.

Have you ever taken a look at the relationships board and seen that women discover their husbands have become abusive after decades of marriage yet still have the strength to leave and ask for advice/support. I honestly hope you never go to that board as you are ignorant to the point I wonder why you'd join a forum for support and advice. I choose to no longer engage with you.

OP get this to the Relationships forum! There are many people with experience and support and advice to offer. You are very right that Ds doesn't deserve a grown adult to behave so appallingly to him. Let alone his own father. Please keep posting if you need support. There are people here that will support and listen to you.