to think it's strange and actually rude of friend to invite more friends to meet-up without asking?

[BluebCheesecake]

I arranged with a friend that I don't see often to meet at the park after school. Children play, we chat. She suggested a time, I said yes. No mention of other people that would be going. So I'm thinking we'd get a bit of time to catch up. When I get there with dc, four other friends arrive (that I've never met), with at least one of them as confused as me, and clearly not pleased. The other friends didn't seem to know each other and first friend just introduced us, but didn't say anything about there suddenly being six of us (and children) . Surely this is a bit off, don't know what to think! It would have to be severe baby brain to forget you'd already arranged with four more people (and then not realize/apologize once we all turned up)! And doesn't make sense if she'd rather not meet with me any more (would just say she is busy when asked) or prefers group get-togethers (would at least tell me about the others surely). Am a bit about apparently different expectations (she doesn't seem to want to catch up then or think it would be decent to ask me if I would mind other people joining? Which i wouldn't at all if i was asked!). We never got to talk at all (had some great chats with some of the other friends though ). Maybe it was a ploy to bring us all together and she actually meant well? As I said very . I can't work it out! Am I overreacting being ?

I don't mind it occasionally but that many people is too much. Sounds like she is juggling to many knives but its not fair on others. She doesn't sound like a good friend to do this a lot.

If I ever do it I tell the parties involved and I can't think of an occasion when they hadn't already met anyway! ( and got on OK)

I've had this before and it really pissed me off. More so because the friend of the friend I'd arranged to meet was a fucking nightmare. I'd have a appreciated a heads up that she was intending to invite her as well so I at least could have still chosen to meet up or not. It would deffo have been NOT.

I think she should've let you know she was going to have other friends come along as well. A lot of the time I only have energy to chat to one person at a time and having to make small talk to be polite to folk I might not know very well or if at all wears me out.

So imo, Yanbu

I think it is incredibly rude!

I have this with an old friend. Our paths don't naturally cross in day to day life so every now and again we organise a catch up. Tuesday was at a farm. Get there and she's there with one of her friends that I'd never met before. No heads up. Previous times her db will accompany her to our catch ups. Always fine but just a bit annoying sometimes when you just want to see your friend.

I think YABU. I'm a "more the merrier" type of person and also have very little free time on my hands, so I like to see lots of friends at once.
Thankfully, my friends feel the same way and there's never a problem if we bring "new" people along. It's just a chance to chat to someone new IMO.
I actually find it a bit needy and odd if people object to meeting friends of friends. I'd feel stifled if it were me who had invited others along and the "original" friend got all cats-bum-face about it.
I also don't see how adults can complain of feeling "left out" - it's very teenage drama-esque. Can't you just make conversation? If the "new people" are friends of friends you have at least one thing in common!

I had a friend that used t do this & it pissed me right off. I remember at uni when i visited her for what i thought was going to be a great weekend she had invited two other girls I'd never met! It's like they think their time is more precious than your feelings & they have to spread themselves out to accommodate all their friends, rather than concentrating on one in particular. It's rude & unacceptable ime. YANBU!

I do not see the problem

I have a newish friend who has done this to me a couple of times. Extended invitations to me and the kids to come to her house, and us arriving to find complete strangers there! That's fine, her house her rules, but at least TELL me you've invited two other people and their children. I'd literally walk into the kitchen and be confronted by strangers and she'd say "oh, did I tell you XYZ were going to be here too?". I'd just smile and say no. She did this a couple of times in a row and I've now got quite used to other people being there when I arrive.

What made me laugh was she then said to me in an almost moaning tone about needing to meet up as we never seemed to catch up properly. Er, no we don't do we because you keep inviting randoms which kind of limits what I can talk about!!

I think this might be an introvert/extrovert thing. I'm a bit on the more the merrier side and I'm a bit that I've done this before. I do let people know.

I used to try and arrange nights out with different sets of friends as I'd think person A is awesome and so is person B - they should meet! I did learn it seldom worked out.

Now my DS is older I don't do it so much as I'm more aware of the dynamics of the kids. I guess YANBU but you're friend maybe just doesn't realise.

I would also be annoyed. I remember a time I arranged to meet up with someone to tell them I was pregnant - we weren't telling many people at that point - when 2-3 other people turned up I didn't bother (didn't want it to be discussed with random strangers when some friends/family didn't know,

YANBU This kind of thing drives me absolutely irrationally wild! I think it's because I often think of loads of things I would want to talk to my friend about that we haven't had time to discuss and

Sorry not finished! And when others come it never goes as planned

I don't think that it's a big deal as it was a trip to the park. Although I think I would probably have mentioned it if I was your friend. Maybe she meant to and forgot. I don't think it's worth falling out with her over.

SunsetSongster - It seldom works out because group dynamics matter. I know someone like you, and she puts together people who are really nice, but you can see won't really hit it off. It turns what could be a really fun night, into a pleasant night of chit chat.

I used to belong to a forum which had regular meets aka pub crawls. We all knew what to expect, all knew each other well and got on really well. Then on one meet, this woman brought her half sister along. She didn't know us from Adam, kept glaring at us whenever a joke was cracked or we picked up a drink, kept making comments like "time to go home now, you've had your drink" etc and generally made her disapproval known. We went for a pizza as we usually did and her glaring continued and the comments got more personal and rude and in the end my friend ended up going home early with her as she was ruining the day for everyone. We had tried to include her but she wasn't interested in getting to know any of us and was very scornful of the fact that a bar crawl was going to involve drinking. As well as chatting, catching up, laughter and fun.

I does depend, in some situations I wouldn't mind, and with kids around I would probably welcome it.

But I know some people do mind. We had an arrangement for a beach trip with another family, and I wanted to invite a third family who had a toddler the same age as theirs. I thought we would all get on, it would be fun and it would give the littlest a playmate. But before asking them, I checked with the first friend if it was OK and she said no, I don't want anyone else to come. So I respected that (though I admit I was a bit annoyed, but I had asked!).

YANBU.

More the merrier is OK if all parties know the score. Your friend is self centred, it served her agenda to see a lot of people at once. She should have let others know so you could decide if you still wanted to meet up.

I have a friend who does this sort of thing all the time. She's quite stealthy about it, she will call me up and ask if I want to go round for dinner or to do something or other, and then announce after I've agreed or am already there that various other people are also coming - often people I've never met or don't know well.

I don't mind too much but it does change the dynamic from a relaxed dinner with a good friend to making slightly awkward small talk with strangers - something I'm happy to do sometimes but would not necessarily have agreed to go if I'd known the circumstances!

Anyway overall I don't think YABU. The park is not a private type of event but its bad manners of her to change the dynamic from a close friend catch up to a large group gathering. She probably doesn't mean anything bad by it by it's just a bit inconsiderate.

YANBU, I hate this. I don't mind meeting friends of friends, it can be great but it's just polite to tell people what to expect, or ask them if it's OK. I've been to meet ups where it's lots of people in the park and that's lovely but if I was led to expect a quiet catch up with a good friend I'd be put out to find that they had changed it without even letting me know.

I had a friend who did this. I prefer company in smaller groups which she knew. I love a good chin wag with a close friend. I felt like she diluted my company all the time to make the get together more superficial. Seems I was right because over time she actually dropped me altogether :-( ah well!!

YANBU. I had a 'friend' - now dropped, who went one step further - basically I had invited her to my house for a meal, once she was here she asked if she could call another friend to ask her over! Me being a bit of a doormat, said 'yes' !! Although I felt very uncomfortable about the whole thing! The other woman did end up coming over - and the whole evening did not leave me feeling good!