to feel worn down by other people

[Icantstopeatinglol]

I know I am cos I know other people can't help their own situations but I just feel so worn down by a few people close to me who are quite open about their mental health issues and how they need support etc and 'me time' when deep down I am really struggling.
I don't particularly want their help or support but just want them to think that the world doesn't revolve around them and others have problems too. I just feel like everyone tiptoes around them (one in particular) whereas I just get left to struggle on. It seems the same at work too with a colleague with mental health issues.
I'm not dismissing mental health because it's a terrible thing for anyone to deal with and I'm fairly sure I have problems with this.
Not to drip feed but I have numerous health issues that cause a number of problems and fatigue is a big one but I feel totally unsupported especially by family but a family member with mh issues just has to shout and everyone comes running!
I know I'm being unreasonable but I'm just so frustrated. Why should you be visibly struggling and shout before people help? I'm so exhausted.

It sounds as though you are in a cycle of not asking for help, not getting it and being a bit resentful as a result, but there is nothing wrong with telling people that you need their support. I appreciate that it can feel like everyone else gets 'more' but if they have learned that they need to shout from the rooftops to get the support that enables them to carry on effectively, then that is actually a good thing.

If you need help, ask for it - people love being able to do something practical for someone who they suspect might be struggling, but it can feel very presumptuous to assume that someone want you to intervene unless they actually ask. Have you got anyone close that could organise others so that you only have to speak to one person about it? What kind of help do you think would be most useful? I'm so sorry you're in this position - I would gladly help if I could...

Thanks dojo, even your lovely post has made me cry! I don't even know what support I need. We don't have many people to ask tbh. I think you're right I do hate asking for help cos I like to be independent and the thought of having to ask doesn't come easy to me. I do tend to drop hints but that never works! I always end up having to ask outright even when it comes to having someone to watch my dc. Even when people eventually say yes I feel like I'm putting on them. I do feel like my family member who has mh has worn everyone down so much (especially my dm & df) that I'm now taking the brunt of it cos they need their own space. I do just feel worn out.

Sorry you're in a bad place right now. Do you think you might be sending out mixed messages which leave those around you unsure of what you really want?For example, you say in your op that you 'don't particularly want their help or support' but later say that you do drop hints.

There is nothing to feel ashamed of wanting some help and support, we all need it sometime. Could you try having a think about what support would help you feel less exhausted then set yourself the goal of asking for it? I always think it takes confidence to ask for help and I'm a bit shit at it myself, but it's only fair to those who love you to give them a chance to help you.

You sound to me like you give off the aura of a coper. And if people around you are needy, they won't pick up that you're not.

Hope you get the support you need. Do ask.

Good luck

Thank you for the replies, mrsbob I think it's that I don't think I need emotional support but actual support with a night off here and there so I can have some of this so called 'me time'
I just feel when I do ask outright it's not met with a positive response more like a 'yea ok if we must' sort of response which upsets me cos my other relative has had enormous amounts of support over the years. I suppose I just feel frustrated and most the time it's fine but when everything gets on top of me it just gets a bit too much to bear.
Yea I think you're right fatmomma I probably do seem like a coper but I think and hope that when I'm older and my dc have alot going on I still offer help without waiting for them to ask. If hate to think they felt like this at any point.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think anyone is doing anything out of spite as such but more just not thinking.

'I'd' not if

I wish I could give you a day off, OP. You must ask for help if you need it. If people are crap at it, well they will have to get less crap at it - we all need help sometimes. I sympathise, though - I have a similar mindset and don't ask for help.

If I can't help you, I am going to take some inspiration from your thread go and give another "coper" a day off, just in case they feel like you do. Perhaps if we all did this once in a while it might catch people who don't ask for help.

Chin up, and tell someone you need them to cover for you, for a bit.

Thank you claw I'm ok. Also very lucky to have such a lovely dh. I'm on a special diet at the minute and he's done some 'research' at work and is currently cooking a meal for us......fingers crossed it's delicious! I am so lucky to have a lovely dh and great dc. I just have a lot on my mind at the minute and sometimes it becomes too much and I feel like I can't cope and just can't think straight.
I'm actually not feeling very well at the minute which makes everything feel worse! I'm sure the fog will lift and everything will be fine again
Thank you for your messages everyone, if anything it just reminds us to keep an eye on the quiet copers who might still need our help.
Have a lovely weekend