aibu to feel stuck in a rut?

[FML15]

Hi everyone. i'm 20yrs old. I left school at 14 due to bullying, anxiety and depression. I didn't sit my GCSE's so have no qualifications. I was unable to contemplate college or work until I was 17 (I was going through a hell of alot) but tried to apply for college when i was 17/turning 18. I passed the interview stage, passed the written assessment with flying colors but due to a cock up on their end I wasn't told about the course start or whether I had been accepted and only found out I had indeed passed halfway through the college year (I know I really should've contacted them but I assumed hearing nothing=rejection, hindsight is brilliant isn't it?) I was however offered a chance to reapply. By then i'd have been 18 turning 19 starting a level one course. I decided to try my luck with job seeking instead, hoping to get my foot on the ladder somewhere and just work my way up. I see now that the better idea would've been to go to college and work around it and do both, or stick it out with college, but again, hindsight is brilliant... i've been job hunting for months now, I've been offered 5 interviews, one of which was a disaster(spent £12 on travel only to be kept there for four hours and then told they weren't interested as i dont have a car- even though i'd stated that multiple times), 2 were cancelled (on the other end) and not rescheduled and I never heard off the rest of them. I'm living on 220 a month JSA, once I remove food, gas, electric, phone bill (needed for job centre to contact me, only 10 pounds a month so can't really moan) I have about 50 pounds left to last me the month. that 50 pounds has to stretch on travel to and from interviews/places that are hiring/face to face job searches (i live in the welsh valleys, most opportunities are in Cardiff), any clothing i need, toiletries and now... baby stuff. I'm 17 weeks pregnant with my first child and live with my partner, who is working in a pub for minimum wage. all he can do is work and push himself to breaking point to try to keep us going and i just feel like a burden and like im not good enough to be a mum. My partner never asks anything of me financially and never makes me feel bad for relying on him to pay the rent and bigger bills (while i just take care of the metered bills, its not much but its all i can do and i insist on doing it) I'm applying for jobs all the time but getting no where. my reed.co.uk (think thats the website, its for job searches) account shows that i've applied for 200 jobs in the last 4/5 days. I'm trying so hard. I've written my CV and re written it a thousand and one times, i've had my sister (shes a recruitment agent) look over my CV for me too and I quote "I'd hate to put you down please don't take it like that but you've done well to present yourself given the circumstances" I think thats sort of a backhanded compliment (Shes very blunt but likely meant well) Sorry I'm rambling again, it just feels good to get it all out. I've been unable to sleep because I just feel so shit. I can't see an end to this. I know there'll be a temporary ok patch as soon i'll be entitled to a couple of different benefits and a maternity grant of 500 which will allow me to get alot of second hand baby stuff, but what about when my child turns 5 (or is it 3 now? i cant remember) then i'll be 24/26 with no qualifications, no job experience and no way of getting a job. the job market is only getting worse not better and i'll have zilch marketable skills. I'm truly terrified of what the future holds and i cannot see an end in sight :( I get made to feel like nowt more than a useless scrounger every time i go to the job centre even when i provide proof of the fact im applying for jobs every waking moment, i've been wrongly sanctioned twice this year already, leaving me for 5 weeks with nearly no income back in jan/feb. I feel so depressed, so run down and stuck in a rut. I don't know what to do with myself anymore :( I feel like I never get to spend time with my partner anymore as he's working anything up to 70 hours a week and when he does come home he's moody, sore and tired. he must be under lots of pressure and every time he does a 14/15 hour shift and then comes home looking like hes about to collapse I just feel so awful and useless because i want to help and im trying to but i just cant :( I can never put more than 100 pounds a month toward bills and thats nearly half of my income but it barely makes a dent in the current climate. Sorry, I'm just rambling about random points. I'm hoping that someone on here has been through similar and come out the other end and may have some helpful advice.
thank you and well done for reading this if i didn't bore you to death.

you're clearly and intelligent and articulate person and I'm sorry you're in such a tricky position.
I know the area you live in very well (live now near Swansea but lived in Cardiff and worked in Merthyr) and while the jibs are out there, the competition is fierce. Have you looked at companies like Admiral? They are always recruiting and are fantastic employers (personal experience). As you know, your best bet is to sign up at college though, and get some qualifications under your belt. Can you do this straightaway? Approach your local college, tell them your position and ask their advice on when to apply, in relation to when baby is due.
Lastly - don't buy new for baby, and don't buy much. I was in a good job when I was pg and bought almost nothing new. I was given tonnes of baby stuff, cots, bouncers, etc etc. Ask your friends and family, look on eBay and Gumtree. Anyway, newborns need very little: a Moses basket and some sheets (get a new mattress for it though), a stack of babygros, a few muslins and blankets. Bottles and formula if you're going to FD but use sterilising tablets rather than an expensive steriliser. A pram if you've no car, otherwise I'd just get a car seat. That's pretty much it.
Lastly - I'm an HR advisor and happy to help with your CV but bear in mind larger companies prefer application forms - which is to your benefit. Happy to help you with this.
Good luck

You poor love. You've had a bad start to adult life. Agreed that you should think about ways to get some qualifications and/or doing some voluntary work to get some work experience on your CV.

Hi. I haven't been through similar, but really couldn't read and run.
Don't feel bad about your partner supporting you for the moment. You are pregnant with his child and he needs to look after you and your baby in the short term.
Is your sister giving you practical advice on what you can do to make yourself more employable? She seems to be in a good position to advise you.
Have you considered doing some voluntary work? It would show potential employers that you have a good work ethic and would give you a reference. More importantly, you will gain some self confidence and will hopefully help with your depression.
Do you have family near you who will support you with the baby?

In the long term, I think a college course would be your best bet. Talk to the citizens advice bureau who should be able to advise you on benefits and funding for courses.
Ignore the people at the job centre. My 57 year old mother had to claim for a period after she was made redundant and they treated her the same way. My mother had worked all her life and had recently recovered from cancer and she was treated like shit. It is not just you and you are nota useless sscrounger.
I hope that someone will be able to give you more practical advice.

If theres a vacancy, I'm 80 percent sure i've applied for it regardless of where :c (will still look into admiral vacancies though) I don't know when I'd be able to start college and I don't know what position i'd be in re benefit entitlement as a student, childcare would be a ball ache and a half to say the least but its worth looking into I suppose! I have had a few quick looks and it does look rather complex with various strings attached and lots of contradicting information. I think if I re write my cv one more time my brain will implode but thank you for the kind offer

Missed the other comments. I hadn't actually thought of volunteer work to be honest but I will ask around in the localish charity shops and the like- could be very useful for gaining retail or admin experience. I'm truly glad I posted here, Thank you everyone

Do talk to the college, they will be able to advise you and will have helped others in your situation.

Also, talk to the citizens advice, they will have someone who knows about benefits and students. There is support for you but I think college might be a longer term goal for you (in a year or 2) once you are settled with your baby.
There are loads of volunteer opportunities. Do you know what you want to do career wise?

How big is your place? Have you thought of childminding?

You sound intelligent and determined. I think you need to play the long game. It will be tough for the next 5 yrs with the added stress of a baby and childcare but if you can get in training somewhere that maybe has either childcare or the ability to study from home mostly, you can do it. It's about finding the opportunities and the best way is to talk talk talk to any and every person and organisation you can.