Mixed feelings about ds gap year ..

[ginorwine]

Ds just about to start gap year .
He had worked really hard to get two jobs to fund travel . One is a morning job paying £15 and the other is a zero contract job which is sometimes zero hours , often 7 and rarley up to 15 . He was given loads when he was under 18 as he was on a lower rate of pay .
We want him to travel but we want him to start to be proactive about money and make wise choices .if we make it too easy and support him too much he will be tempted to use his cash for treats and not save for travel .
However his wage is so low I feel tempted to still fund his phone , haircuts etc ..clothes . I want to try to get the right balance . I don't think a third job would work in case his zero contract call s him in plus the local uni students have much of the avaliable stuff .
What would be fair to support ds but allow him to partly support himself and learn about managing money in a gap year ???

I said we want him to travel ... Meant he wants to and we want him to enjoy it .

Dh half wants to pay for stuff half wants him to give a tiny proportion of wages to us for food , phone etc .

He is already doing enough if you have the money just help him. He is proving he is trying to help himself. My son had a gap year worked some of it and say on his arse the rear he had worked hard academically for 12 years and deserved a break. I'm a single parent I supported him financially like I did his 12 year old brother at the time paying for everything.

I would support him to an extent, if you can. He is showing willing and he's only just left school. I know lots of people don't get the opportunity to have a gap year and/or to travel, but he has and it would be a shame to waste it. They are formative years and experiences... And it's a finite time.

*amount of time

Personally, I think if you are able to help him it teaches him that good things happen to people who help themselves. You are rewarding him for effort, commitment and hard work in the same way I get an annual bonus at work if I work hard. He clearly has a strong work ethic already which is impressive, and I doubt will be diminished by some help from his parents.

I think he is doing just great, contributing to his plans.
And travelling will be such an experience

I'd be tempted to start putting some money away to give to him towards his travels rather than funding him now, that way he'll get a good sense of what life really costs, will hopefully be more careful with the money he has and stay motivated to keep earning.

If we make it too easy and support him too much he will be tempted to use his cash for treats and not save for travel

Can you do something like matched funding - for every pound he saves, you put in a pound. Not matching his earning but matching his saving.

If you can afford it easily I would help him out and let him keep his wages. However, I would expect him to help out around the house. Maybe he could cook twice a week and be responsible for all the gardening and hoovering (or whatever )

My Dad has always helped me.. but only if I help myself. Your son is working hard so I would help him as much as you want.

One of my DD's is currently on a gap year in India and had to save 5k off her own back to get there. She worked 3 zero hour jobs to do it as well as organised fundraising events. We funded her mobile, hair, clothes, half car insurance and half road tax to enable her to get the funds together. We never charged her any board as it was a massive amount for her to raise. I can't wait to see her in July . We did fund some treats ie nights out etc so she could have some fun.

We didn't add to dc's travel fund at all. She was responsible for every penny that she earned (in a minimum wage zero hours job) and for almost every penny that she spent. dc had a target amount she wanted to save and when she approached that, she bought a ticket and off she went.

We were also clear that in managing her money while she was away, she needed to ALWAYS have enough to get home (although of course we would have paid the earth to get her back if anything went wrong).

Of course she lived rent free at home during the time she was saving, and I was generous with treats - but all her day-to-day expenses such as bus travel / socialising / phone remained her responsibility.

imo, (and relevant to my dd - it is different for other people's dc) her gap phase was as much about learning to make good decisions about money (money which she had earned) as it was about travel and experience.

For my dd (and other people's dcs will have different life lessons to learn) this approach meant that when she went to university, she was clear about what she could afford and what she couldn't; she had learned how to manage the interaction if friends around her seemed to have more disposable income; she was clear about her priorities for spending on clubs and activities and on socialising. She was fortunate because she always knew that we were there as a safety net (both while she was travelling, and while she was at university), but we were a safety net, not a funding source.

Tbh, I'd rather save the money to help with deposit for rent, / house / whatever than make her gap time a little more luxurious and comfortable.

Once he's at Uni and then gets a job etc the chances of this sort of travel reduces - this is his time to do this sort of stuff. DS1 worked for 6 months and travelled for 6 months in his gap year - we didn't charge rent or board, and I did sub him in other stuff, because I wanted him to have that travel experience - I didn't want him to miss that chance. But it has to be down to what you can afford.

Thanks all you have confirmed my thoughts about it being a special year and helped me to , as part of that , help him to be aware of money and to make wise decisions .we are a middle income family and this will affect our ability of over pay the mortgage and at uni as now , it will also be helpful for him to as up post it was mentioned , to manage his feelings when others have more income and how to manage that . I'd thought of matching his earnings pound for pound originally . And thankyou - for saying he's doing well ??

my dad always had the attitude that as long as i worked he would help with things like phone. He hated how low the minimum wage was for 17/18 year olds and as the job i had at the time was bloody demanding he was more than happy to top it up in a sense. I knew full well though if I quit or started taking advantage it would stop!