Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

how i stop someone contacting me on fb

24 replies

ghostspirit · 28/05/2015 19:01

hi posting here for traffic...I have a family member who is sending me horrible/threatening messages. i blocked her and she made a new account and sent me another message. so how do i make sure she cant look me up. i tried to look of fb privacy settings but did not get far...

also she is bringing up a court case that happend a while ago. although i did not go to court and my name was never mentioned in court. i know about it as its a family issue...she said 'i know what you all did to her' this is something that was meant to have happend to the person during childhood...im 10 years younger than this person. also i have never been accussed of anything by this person.

But the family member who is sending me the messages is talking about the police and things like that. in reality she cant do anything as i have not done anything wrong. and i kept the messages and its all her being abusive and talking crap. there is not one thing thats nasty from myself and all contact was started by the family member. when the court thing happend and it all turned out not guilty the judge had said its not to be brought up again and that people will be in trouble if it is..(im not 100% sure of the wording that the judge used)

so do i just make sure i cant be found on fb and keep the messages just incase. or do i report the family member for harrassment.

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 28/05/2015 19:06

Can you block her? I have done this before and she couldn't see my posts and I couldn't see hers - she had no way of contacting me through Facebook.

FarFromAnyRoad · 28/05/2015 19:07

If she keeps making new ids up then you can't block her can you? Obviously, because you can only block someone by name, not by intention.
Get a restraining order.

Wishful80smontage · 28/05/2015 19:07

I would speak to the police this person harassing you OP. Keep screenshots if everything in case they delete them. Sounds very stressful :(

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 28/05/2015 19:07

Sorry just seen that you blocked her before Blush

If your security settings are set to maximum (or at least only friends can see you) can she still see your profile? I presume you would have to accept her as a friend for her to post.

magoria · 28/05/2015 19:08

Pop into your local police station and ask them if they can have a quiet word.

You don't want to take it any further now but will if they don't stop.

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 28/05/2015 19:10

Can't you make it so that people can't send new friend requests? Or have they stopped that?

cuntycowfacemonkey · 28/05/2015 19:10

Go into privacy settings at the top of your page and click on who can contact me, then click on strict filtering so then only people you are friends with or know can message you

Original poster
ghostspirit · 28/05/2015 19:12

livia i have the privacy all set as friends only. if she sends me a message it gos to others.

is there another way i can save the messages. as some of the messages are in others. and i cant look at them on my phone. only laptop

OP posts:
PenguinBollards · 28/05/2015 19:16

I second Magoria's suggestion, so that at least a notification of the behaviour is logged.

This person sounds unbalanced, and once they realize that fb messages aren't getting the response they want they may seek other ways of getting in touch with you. They're obviously not inclined to let things drop.

YsabellStoHelit · 28/05/2015 19:17

It's hard on fb as if they know someone you know they can still find you. Make sure your profile is as private as possible. Make sure your wall is set so only friends can post on it. Block each attempt to contact you as soon as it's done but take screenshots of it all before you do. Inform her politely that you wish to be left alone and if she doesn't respect that you will call the police. If she tries again report to police.

AliceLidl · 28/05/2015 19:17

I have a setting that means people can't find me unless they are friends with someone I am also friends with.

Would that work for you? As this person is a family member it might be more difficult for you.

I am NC with PILs and have them blocked. BIL keeps making new accounts as as they pop up I block them.

Could you change your name? I know that's extreme, and you shouldn't have to, but lots of people post under different names for various reasons. I know a few who have different names for professional reasons (mostly teachers not wanting to be easily found by students or parents of students).

However I would also report the person to the police for harassment.

quietasamouse · 28/05/2015 19:20

I think the best way to get someone to stop something is to ignore them.

If they see you blocking them every time they are still getting the reaction they want.

fairgame · 28/05/2015 19:25

If you go into the padlock icon (between the world and the arrow) at the top right hand of the page. Click on it and then go onto 'who can contact me' and you can change your settings.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 28/05/2015 19:26

i managed to save all messages on to my laptop.

yes penguin they are nut nuts....it must be a little reminder for me why i dont talk to anyone.

i think i upset her because i blocked her in the first place. i had not spoken to her in several years. she contacted me to tell me someone is the family has cancer. told me she had not spoken to my cousions since 1999. then sent loads of messages slagging them of...the family member with cancer is still alive. and she said wont it be funny if it all kicks of at the funeral i asked why would that happen. she said because family all being there. and i just thought all you have done is slag people of and liar. so i blocked her. then i got the nasty messages the day after....and she her family and parts of mine are the sort of people to make things difficult.

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 28/05/2015 19:29

that might be an idea alice i only have 2 family members on my fb...and they are safe people no contact with the troubled members of family...gosh the more i write the more i think what a madness...

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 28/05/2015 19:34

fairgame i have mine of strict filtering.. i thought there was something that makes it look like your not an fb user. and people cant look you up at all...

OP posts:
fairgame · 28/05/2015 19:48

There used to be a thing where people couldn't search for you but i can't find it so maybe they have got rid of it.

Gabilan · 28/05/2015 20:43

You can deactivate your account via your security settings. It will hide it from everyone, not just the person you want to block unfortunately. However you can re-activate it after a cooling off period. I know people in similar situations who've had to do this.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 28/05/2015 20:45

Lots of teachers I know set up accounts that are their first name and middle name only (no surname). Makes it harder for pupils to search for them apparently.

I wonder if you set up a new account like this and whether this would help. I'd then explain to the two family members on FB that the crazy person keeps tracking you down via other friends (possibly them) and therefore contact these two family members another way (not on FB). It might put some FB distance between the two accounts and stop them finding you on there. Unfortunately if someone is a friend of a friend then FB can unhelpfully think you might be interested in being their friend too.

SolidGoldBrass · 28/05/2015 20:46

This is criminal harassment: have a word with the local police on the non-emergency number and do not respond to this tiresome individual.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 28/05/2015 21:13

purple the 2 members dont have any contact with them. and i dont allow friends of friends..

the first and middle name seems a good idea.

solidgold i might see if i get anymore messages. dont want to rock the boat unless i have to.

OP posts:
Pensfriends · 28/05/2015 21:17

I would speak to the police regarding harassment and try not to respond at all on Facebook. Sometimes people like this thrive on getting a response. It sounds very stressful though.

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 29/05/2015 09:53

I've got mine set up so that no one who is not already my friend can send me messages at all - would that help?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 29/05/2015 11:13

moorbahtat how do i do that?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page