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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how you sorted finances when on statuary maternity pay?

22 replies

Lucyloves101 · 27/05/2015 20:53

I'm abroad with my husband as he has a work secondment here, and I'm on maternity leave with second child. I've been paying £400 a month into a joint account used for shopping / bills etc out of around £600 smp a month, and mentioned to him that I would need to take some money back out of the joint account to live on when I'm getting nothing for last 2 months, to which he grumpily replied 'if there is anything to take'. I generally spend the other £200 a month on the children anyway, as we don't have much of a social life here I've been trying to take them out a bit the odd hot chocolate in a cafe etc. As we are here to support his career progression I've put off going back to work when my baby is 10 months as planned. Finding the whole thing a bit depressing. He's not spending vast amounts of money on himself at all, earns relatively well but has quite a lot of credit card debt, partly from doing flat up in England and just general living. I supplemented myself through last maternity leave with inheritance, the remainder of which was used as a deposit for our flat. Aibu to be worried / depressed about this situation?

OP posts:

Purplepoodle · 27/05/2015 20:59

We have a family budget. All money goes together then most into bill account, a bit into each of our own accounts for spending then food and petrol account. We work on a tight budget though. We saved a bit before to cover maternity leave

Pico2 · 27/05/2015 20:59

We just pool our money in a joint account. We've done this since we got married.

PrimalLass · 27/05/2015 21:00

All money together. That started when I went on mat leave.

TheWitchwithNoName · 27/05/2015 21:03

What's happening with the flat in England?

CurlsLDN · 27/05/2015 21:04

Sounds very depressing, and if I understand it correctly, not very fair!
You made the decision together to start a family, a part of that decision is that one person takes some time out of work/earning less or no money in order to look after the family For a while.

In our household everything dh or I earn gets added together (at the moment I earn nothing as in the last part of my stat mat pay year). From this combined pot of money we deduct
Bills
Rent
Food shopping
A sum of money for the savings
Any other family expenses eg a holiday or car repair

Then, once all of that is taken, we look at what's left and split it equally for 'spending money' (in our case around £600 each a month) this is used for whatever we like eg clothes, daytrips, meals out, presents for family or friends.

When I am back to earning a full salary we will continue in exactly the same way. We'll probably decide to increase the 'spending money' a little but the bulk of the monetary increase will go in the savings and be used for a house deposit later on. It feels very fai. I found it very difficult initially to 'spend his money' when I first went on mat leave, but doing it this way means everything is done and decided as a family. I'm also looking forward to working again so I can contribute to the pot!

Binkybix · 27/05/2015 21:12

We pool everything, pay bills etc, then split what's left equally to do with what we like.

Original poster

Lucyloves101 · 27/05/2015 21:21

Thanks everyone. Maybe one combined joint account would make things clearer. In another question, when buying a property have you legally written up who has contributed what? I paid the full deposit, legal feed etc and it was a lot of money, I drained everything into it, I know he has put money for materials etc on credit card, but suddenly feeling I've been an idiot not to get this in writing. He is mainly a fair person, but this sort of thing makes me feel a bit insecure about the future.

OP posts:

Artistic · 27/05/2015 21:22

We have this a bit skewed. First we spend all of DH's earnings - for all family expenses & whatever else can be 'planned ahead'. All of my earnings is our saving & not touched as far as possible. If there is anything meaningful left in DH's account at the end of the month we move most of it into my account as saving. We both spend on whatever we like...no budgets etc. We have no joint account as such, but all our money has always been joint...for the last 15 years we've been together. Am on maternity with DC2 now & we are mainly pinched on savings as i am earning nothing. All my SMP is the only saving we have.

Original poster

Lucyloves101 · 27/05/2015 21:22

Ps - we as here for last 6 months of maternity leave and flat isn't completed (still lots of renovating to do!) so not really a rentable state.

OP posts:

MissDemelzaCarne · 27/05/2015 21:25

We pool our resources, including when I earned nothing on unpaid Mat leave and when DH was made redundant.

SocksRock · 27/05/2015 21:28

Same way as we do the rest of the time - everything goes into one pot, we put an agreed (depends on how much is coming in) amount into savings. We then spend the rest until it is gone. Sometimes I need new clothes so I spend more, some months the kids need new shoes etc. We tend to discuss what big stuff is coming up to make sure the money will last, but we've never had a problem. I'm SAHM at the moment, but have variously worked full and part time. So childcare comes out when needed as well.

NinkyNonkers · 27/05/2015 21:31

All money is joint here, has been since we married.

lastnightiwenttomanderley · 27/05/2015 21:34

At the moment we each pay into a household account for bills, food, car, joint expenditure etc but this is pro rata based on salary. I pay slightly more than DH as I earn more; its the same percentage of our salary. What's left us then ours to save/spend as we choose but we both tend to spend about £4-500 and save £600 odd each month.

When I go on mat leave in September ill get approx 50% salary during that time so we'll both pay into joint account, then take £400 each and any left after bills will be equally split between our savings .

Original poster

Lucyloves101 · 27/05/2015 21:36

Thinking about it, because we are both in overdrafts in our personal accounts I don't think we could combine into one account for a while.

OP posts:

HazleNutt · 27/05/2015 21:42

all joint accounts, DH was a SAHD and of course I didn't expect him to life off his savings. All family money.

Binkybix · 27/05/2015 21:43

We have our own personal account and a joint bills one, as well as a joint credit card that we pay from the bills account.

Split in ownership of our house reflects respective size of deposits. But all spending on house was joint so we don't need to reflect that.

senseobjects · 27/05/2015 21:43

DH paid money into my account once I had our first dc (am sahm now). I kept my maternity pay to myself. Didn't want joint accounts for legal reasons. Some people might not like that idea but there is always plenty into my account (he'll just pay a lump sum every few months so it's not like a monthly allowance, and always topped up enough so I never run low) for daily expenses and DH pays for household costs and major things like holidays. We don't keep track of who pays for what or anything.

Our property is in both our names without any division of who contributed what. DH put in almost all the finances but we both view it as our home.

Waggamamma · 27/05/2015 22:00

Saved saved saved before mat leave (we both did) to make sure we could cover my share of the bills. Dp doesn't earn enough to supplement my share so we made sure we had enough funds to cover everything (just) before I went off.

8months into mat leave and it's worked well for us.

Waggamamma · 27/05/2015 22:03

And yes I own 60% of the house and dp 40% to reflect the share of deposit we put down.

Original poster

Lucyloves101 · 27/05/2015 22:16

Frankly we've jointly got ourselves slightly up shit creek by throwing all cash into flat, but there were so many unanticipated costs. I think what I find so upsetting is I'm literally on the other side of the world, unable to earn and am basically on my own with it and at his mercy. It's fine, we are not going to starve, I just think his attitude is damaging to our relationship. Our finances are messy and separated so it's very hard to see what's fair and what isn't. Sometimes it feels like all money is shared ( like when buying a house with my money) and other times (when I'm earning nothing and he is earning quite a lot) not so much.

OP posts:

Purplepoodle · 28/05/2015 00:04

Ok you don't need a combined account just write down your bills and all outgoings. Agree who's paying what and how much spending money ect u both need/can afford. You don't need to have joint accounts just an agreement on how money is spent to stop the resentment.

Perhaps take a good look at credit cards/overdrafts and get them transferred to interest free credit card, give you both a breather whilst on maternity leave.

Purplepoodle · 28/05/2015 00:07

also keep evidence that u used your money for deposit. Friend managed to prove to court when divocing that she had been main contributor to house through an inheritance and she got awarded that money back. She had kept all her bank statements and other documents to show the money trail

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