Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU to think my baby beating herself black and blue is harming her?

42 replies

Pseudo341 · 26/05/2015 20:35

DD is 18m. She started ages ago banging her head against the cot sometimes when she was tired and couldn't get to sleep. Asked docs and nursery staff who assured me it was pretty common and she wouldn't harm herself.

A couple of months ago she started really bashing her head against hard objects in a rage. She'll get on all fours and smack her forehead on a hard tiled floor, or stand up in her cot and hang onto the top rail bashing her head against that. She'll move off carpet onto hard floor or deliberately seek out something hard. I do my best to stop her, I can end up physically restraining her for an hour or more at a time but sometimes I have to do something else. I am currently working on making some kind of secure playpen out of soft play equipment so I'll have somewhere safe to put her. She can get out of her pushchair straps so at the moment it's not possible for me to put her down without her being able to hurt herself. I have a 4 year old who needs my attention too, I had to bath her and dry her this afternoon with the baby held under my arm going nuts.

My eldest is very distressed by her baby sister's behaviour and often ends up crying hysterically too, frankly I feel like joining her. I've seen the GP who's diagnosed strong personality! The HV just says try to distract her as does the consultant paediatrician (she's under paediatric care for other issues, unrelated). Everyone just keeps telling me it's pretty normal and she'll grow out of it. Basically, as long as she isn't showing signs of autism (she isn't) no one gives a shit and keeps insisting she won't hurt herself. She keeps giving herself massive bruises on her head, she looks like she's been in a car crash all the time. How does that not count as hurting herself? Why won't they bloody well help?

Please be gentle with me, I'm nearly in tears here.

OP posts:

yetanotherchangename · 26/05/2015 21:09

Sorry "write off" not "right off"

ChuffinAda · 26/05/2015 21:10

Oh and my dc had glue ear so speech was delayed slightly

Original poster

Pseudo341 · 26/05/2015 21:18

Glue ear looks interesting. She does produce a phenomenal amount of ear wax. I'll try and get a doctors appointment for tomorrow while she still has a spectacular egg on her forehead.

OP posts:

ChuffinAda · 26/05/2015 21:19

Sounds like it's an inability to communicate what she wants is the issue then

yetanotherchangename · 26/05/2015 21:29

I think the thought with glue ear is more than just the frustration of speech delay. The rocking is about equalising balance and trying to self regulate. The banging is about trying physically equalise the pressure in the head that comes with glue ear. I've not found a proper source on this though so pure anecdote. Good luck with the appointment.

Sirzy · 26/05/2015 21:30

Filming things can really help although I know it's counter initiative. I filmed DS when he was ill once and it helped his consultant extend the diagnosis and get him right treamtment.

ChuffinAda · 26/05/2015 21:31

That's an interesting thought on it. I guess for the op it's seeing what triggers it and which seems most likely.

With my dc it was directly attributable to the speech delay.

ChuffinAda · 26/05/2015 21:33

I filmed mine having one of their 'moments' as it was a scarily prolonged episode. It's definitely worth doing if for nothing else the hcps will realise what's happening. My HV watched mine and was dumbfounded. Which in itself helped as it Made me feel less of a failure.

ahbollocks · 26/05/2015 21:35

Oh god you poor thing
My younger sister did this-she actually ended up cracking her head open three times(radiators) :( absolutely horrifying. She did grow out of it around age 3 but had rages for a while after that.
She is totally totally normal, a really lovely person to be around and smart and fun too. My mum also tried lots of assessments, she had a reading delay but other than that was fine

Chunkymonkey79 · 26/05/2015 21:45

Can you buy a cheap travel cot to set up in your main living room use as a safe place in the mean time until your long term playpen solution is finished?

I feel for you, it must be so very difficult :-(

teatowel · 26/05/2015 21:45

I had one who did this. It is horrible ,frightening and distressing. I think she was frustrated with being small and not in control of her life. She grew out of it but not until she was nearly 5. She is a really clever girl and grew up to be very normal! She is now a doctor. We still speak about it now. I know that's not much help but it is reasonably common.

Supersoft · 26/05/2015 22:20

My Ds did this from about 15-20 months. His speech was a bit behind his peers, turned out he had glue ear needing grommets at aged 5. I think he was just really frustrated at not being able to express himself / make himself understood. I use to throw him this red cushion everytime he did it. It helped as he was then happy banging himself on a cushion and I was happy as at least he wasn't hurting himself anymore. Once his talking got better he did grow out of it. Trying to stop him doing it only made him worse.

BlackeyedSusan · 26/05/2015 22:49

reins over the top of pushchair straps kept ds in. he was a head banger too.

Heyho111 · 26/05/2015 23:21

She may be sensory seeking. Try vibration. If you can get hold of a vibrating cushion, snake or something from Amazon or a sensory web site. Place it on her head. This may give her an alternate to head banging. Also try deep pressure massage on her head shoulders and back. Use the ball of your hand. Ask for a referral to occupational therapy to have it checked if it's sensory or behaviour.

maddening · 26/05/2015 23:25

The baby whisperer did an episode where she helped a mum of a
Little boy who was head banging on the floor etc - poss see if it is on you tube.

Original poster

Pseudo341 · 27/05/2015 07:46

Interesting ideas, thanks everyone. We do have a travel cot set up downstairs but it's just not padded enough, she can still injure herself on it. She won't accept being given something soft, she'll throw it away and move onto something hard. I'll look into something vibrating. I've got a copy of the baby whisperer book somewhere, didn't think to look at that, I'll dig it out.

OP posts:

1Morewineplease · 27/05/2015 08:25

Hi Pseudo. I'm sorry to hear about your situation and my heart goes out to your family. I don't have anything different to offer only to ditto some suggestions already offered ie being checked out for sensory issues and definitely hearing. My son, as a toddler , used to get terribly frustrated and bang his head... Always had a runny nose and discharge from his ears.. He was " bunged up" basically. Grew out of it thankfully but do go back to your GP. I wish you all well.

Flip

1 2