to not want to 'share lifts' with other families??

[trebus]

I would just like to drop off and pick up my own kids at their activity without being obliged to take others as well.....AIBU?

Well, I think you are odd - I don't know about unreasonable.

there are SO many advantages to helping each other out with these things

....saving petrol
....saving time
(in some cases only needing one car for family instead of two)
...being able to put the little ones to bed not drag them out in the cold to fetch older ones
...your dc being able to continue with their activities when times change / things move and they need to be in different places at the same time
... when you are ill, or have had an operation, or are spending time visiting your sick or dying parent in hospital / hospice
....being able to have a drink when it's not your turn for pick up
.....not having to sit by the poolside/pitchside / etc with a screaming baby and a tired toddler to get the older one to their activity
...having time to be able to cook a meal whilst the other parent takes them to activity
......when you get on to Scout camps and things that can be some distance away on a Friday night, then double, and treble the advantages

plus of course, there's that old fashioned idea that happens in RL, but so many seem to object to on MN, of just helping other folk out - at this point in your life, you might not need help yourself, so , IMO that gives you all the more reason to be helping out someone else who is struggling at the moment.

I agree with backforgood. Lift shares are definitely brilliant. I love having a car full of kids. I sit quietly and listen to them chat - very informative!

Plus with 3 DC, it would mean the older ones not doing Scouts/Guides as I can't really keep DC3 up till nearly 10pm in order to do the pick up...

YANBU. I have one child and enjoy spending the time chatting to him - he's 12 and one on one time seems to be diminishing day by day but I fear that's 'normal' ??. I guess I would probably feel differently if I had three or four children all doing different things, all at different venues on the same nights. Then I imagine it would be a fantastic help!

I have one dc and I really like ferrying her around. We chat in the car, and I feel more connected to what she is doing. However, one day a week, we drop her friend home from an activity - it makes sense, as I'm going anyway, and the other mum has two younger children who need to be getting to bed. It's a bit out of our way, but no big deal to us, and I know that it makes a significant difference to the other family. Yes, I prefer having just dd in the car, but she has fun with her friend.

I don't expect any reciprocation, as I am happy to do it, and I know it's much harder for them to do the pick-up. Still, it's nice to feel that I could ask if I was really stuck.

Ooh I love a lift share. I have a three-way to and from dance class so sometimes I don't have to take or pick up (gleeful)

It's only when you don't have to dash out and collect your offspring that you realise how much of your evening that 15-min drive (there and then back) actually takes up

If we didn't do lift shares, DS2 would have missed all his footy training this winter as it clashed bady with DD's gymnastics. Luckily a mate's dad was my Best Friend on a Thursday.

But, y'know OP, you don't have to do it. No one's taking notes, are they? And I agree with others, if it's only about you being obliged to take others, then that's a bit pants.

I don't do it. Just the odd favour if someone else needs it to/from after school stuff, an same if I need it (quite rare), so once in a blue moon.

I just prefer to largely sort myself out than be beholden to others.

You don't have to do it, but don't then complain that you get no time for yourself. That said, I think it only works with likeminded people- i.e. I could never lift share with someone who is always late/ flaky.

OP I don't think you're unreasonable. And I think it depends a lot on your lift sharing options. I have a couple of friends who are keen on lift sharing with me but it's not always such an advantage for me.

For instance for four friends I'm thinking of each of them live twice as far away from our DCs mutual activity as i do. I am on the way to the activity for each of them but for me to collect their DCs or drop them home doubles both the length and the time of my journey. I don't find that them taking my DC one week really makes up for a stupidly long journey for me and my DC next week.

I have taken their children for them when they've asked but I'm not keen to establish a regular rota for it as overall I don't find that it makes my life easier, though I can see that it does theirs!

What I try and do now is take other DCs when their parents are stuck (to be helpful) but then ask if, rather than them taking my DC the next week, I can "bank" that return lift to be used at a time when I'm stuck.

I love lift sharing, although it depends on how flaky/reliable the other family are.

I did a lift share with one of Dd2's friends to horse riding a couple of years ago and the other family were constantly dropping out of their side of the bargain. It was a PITA, as they were only there for an hour so I'd drop the girls at the riding stables expecting the other family to collect them and go to Sainsbury's/home/whatever only to get a phone call asking me to pick up so I'd have to turn straight around to pick them up. They took the piss with it so I pulled out.

I lift share a lot with my neighbour. Our DCs are the same ages so do a lot of the same activities and a lot of the activities clash - so for example last week she picked the older ones up from a school athletics meeting, while I got the younger ones from school and looked after them until she got back, then in the evening I took the older ones to an activity while she did the cub run for the younger ones and looked after them until I got back. I don't think the kids would have been able to do half the stuff they have if we didn't lift share and does it involve a lot of sitting with our diaries and working out who does what each week, but so far it works brilliantly

Dh and I hate lift shares - we get irrationally stressed by them. We were involved in one until we felt obliged to apologise and say it just wasn't for us. Happy to help in any emergency but don't want to have a routine involving anyone else.

Where I a lot of people don't have family close by or have partners that work away etc. Lift sharing is the norm and to be honest I like the community feel of it. Those with more than one DC would be very limited re activities if everyone didn't muck in. Densely populated area probably helps too - no one has to go miles out of their way and no one wants extra congestion. Some DC have 4-6 activities a week, made possible by sharing the load

Love lift shares ...we sort them in our circle more or less on the day and we try and be fair...(although have come across piss taking!) and try and get a car full.
My DP worked shifts so wasn't always around and another parent was a single mum - not having to drag our little ones out in the middle of winter, scraping ice off the car in the dark every week - you really appreciate when it isn't your turn!
Also at one point I had younger DC at one activity 5 min drive away - and older DC starting an activity in the same place but 30 mins later. Choice was two runs in 30 mins or hanging around with DCs for 30 mins. Someone else taking DC1/picking up DC2 was lovely!
Or when they go further afield ...just had two weeks of serious treks - without shares no point coming home and going back - but with lift shares there was a choice...and as it happened I didn't have to do either because my DC was taken by parents whose turn it was to stay and help out or chose to stay ...I got two weeks off! (I did volunteer - didn't plan it that way!)
I think (unless serious mickey taking is happening and you have to go out of your way) the best way to view them is you would have to do that run anyway ...so any time you don't is a bonus.
(our code is 'put your slippers on' - means you have the night off!)

I prefer to just take my own too. I have been in two lift share arrangements and they have both been stressful. One was always late so my children missed some of their activity. The other was a total airhead who wouldn't know the days the activities were on. My children would be sat waiting to be picked up. After 5 minutes I would text her and she would very often text back not realising the activity was on that day.

With 3 children and activities starting to finish at 8pm lift shares are the sensible option so that we don't have to drag out younger kids at night. We do lift shares to pRties whenever possible too so that the whole day isn't completely taken up with dropping and fetching, children are too old for parents to stay.

I had a school rota last year too, worked perfectly