To get pissed off being 'the driver' constantly ?

12 replies

PoshCathyBurke · 26/05/2015 16:23

I work full time yet my mum constantly moans that I don't go and see her. Do I do make the 1 hour trip every other week or so but do wonder why it's always me having to drive up there. She also moans that she never comes to my house either! I tell her she is welcome to come whenever she wants so she replies "oh good, Thursday then? What time are you picking me up?". So I have to drive to her house, bring her back here, drive her home again after a couple of hours and then get myself home again. She is not elderly (early 60s) or disabled. Is well capable of bussing it yet for some reason it's a given that I will provide all transport. Another classic is "oh great, your coming to see me Wednesday! Well if you come here, then take us to grandmas for an hour and then stop me home again that will be a nice day out". !!! This is my day off and I feel more knackered and stressed than I do at work!! Aibu?

OP posts:

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 26/05/2015 16:28

Start saying no and don't let her dominate you.

1Morewineplease · 26/05/2015 16:38

No I don't think YABU ... It's very difficult I know ... I have a similar situation with MIL who is lives a fair drive away and guilt plays a huge part here. Think, if you can, that you should try to keep the odd day off just for you and tell mum that you can't visit her on that day because you need to stay in for a call maybe or a delivery... I know it's lying but if you keep giving up your day off then resentment will start to fester. Maybe tell her that you can't use the car as it needs a new widget or something but that she's welcome to come to your house on that day instead .
If you've been doing this situation for a while now she probably expects it and doesn't give it a second thought. She needs to realise that you can't be there for her whenever you've got a bit of spare time. Be bold if you can.. You have lots of sympathy here.

Fingeronthebutton · 26/05/2015 16:54

Well I'm 69 and I do all the running around for my family. Tell her it's the bus or stay at home.

LindyHemming · 26/05/2015 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NorahDentressangle · 26/05/2015 17:04

Get an ipod and listen to some great books whilst you drive. Then you are getting something out of it.

eyebags63 · 26/05/2015 17:33

This sounds very manipulative. Just say no, it will be hard at first but it gets easier.

TheFlis12345 · 26/05/2015 17:41

Have you actually asked her to drive to you?

Fluffyears · 26/05/2015 17:42

Oh is that my MIL, whilst you is it can you take me for my shopping oh and can we pop 20 miles away as I think there may be one shitty little tat shop in the world I've not visited then you can take me here, there and everywhere because of course your car is a free taxi and you don't really need a day off do you?

TheFlis12345 · 26/05/2015 17:42

Have you actually asked her to get the bus to you?

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 26/05/2015 18:29

It does sound like at the very least she's taking you for granted, and YANBU to be fed up with always being expected to drive. However, you say she's capable of using the bus so I assume that means she doesn't drive? How good are the busses? It may take you an hour to drive it but how long does it take on the bus, and is it a journey with no changes?

Sconejamcream · 26/05/2015 19:39

Just say no! It's ridiculous to have a two hour drive for an hours visit then another two hours. Sod that for a laugh.

bigbumtheory · 26/05/2015 19:40

YANBU. You need to be assertive and just say to her no and ask her to come to yours instead.

Flip