AIBU to stop contact in the ex's home.

[zoelikesjam]

My ex has contact every three weekends in his home. My children are 10&9. Last weekend when I collected my children a great cloud of cannabis smoke poured out of the door when he opened it.
When the children got in the car they stank of weed.
When I questioned them about it they confirmed our suspicions and told us that dad and a member of his family were smoking it around them.
I spoke to my social worker and she confirmed with me I was well within my rights to stop him from seeing the children in his home.
I sent him a message(We don't talk on the phone as he is aggressive and nasty so I make sure i get everything in writing) saying he could no longer see the children in his home, but could have them for a few hours on the Saturday and a few hours on the Sunday.
He told me to go f**k myself. Said it wasn't worth coming up to ours just for a couple of hours(He lives 45mins away)

Now I feel ghastly. The children are devastated that he won't come up for those few hours and can't understand why he won't.

AIBU to do this? I personally don't think I am but you never know.

Yanbu.

If he was smoking canbais then what were the children doing? Surely when they are there he should be focusing on them.

YANBU. The damage tht cannabis does to the educational and life prospects of children is utterly horrendous. Keep them away at all costs. It is certainly worth losing a father over.

You told him why you were doing this? In which case he's putting his wants to smoke weed unreasonably ahead of his kids. He's a shit father. A good father a)wouldn't have done it in first place b)would be sorry they'd screwed up c) would take any chance to see their kids.

Yanbu. The kids relationship with their dad is down to him. He is making the choices here.

He sounds like a shit father and one they could do without. YANBU.

Yanbu - at all.

YANBU.

Not surprised that he won't bother, as he hasn't shown enough consideration for the children to avoid smoking cannabis around them.

But, this is on him. The children are disappointed with him, and it's his problem to solve. You are acting in their best interest.

I only wonder about the legal side of it.

So, I'd try and make sure you can support your decision if he (not likely) decides to complain about it.

Thanks guys. I feel a little bit better about it now.

I've told him I will be taking him back to court, and once he can prove he is no longer on drugs and smoking it around the children, he can have them in his home.
I explained that he would have to do a weekly drugs test(Informed by my social worker that this is what would happen) in order to have them in his home.
I am just disgusted with his behaviour. I honestly cannot believe he won't come over and see the children, even for a few hours :(

I'd hold your line. He is probably counting on you feeling guilty and caving in if he refuses to come and see them.

His contact is his responsibility. Once he has not seen thrm for seversl weeks he may well change his mind.

Don't keep aaking him or engaging with him about it. Just let him stew.

Also do you need to go back to court? Isn't it up to him to apply if he wants to see his kids? (The court after all canmot compel him to see them)

If you have a court order you will need an emergency order to stop contact. Social services, the police etc etc cannot authorise a change. Obviously if you breached the order, you have a perfectly acceptable reason but the correct procedure is to get the order changed.

What mink said ^

Some good advice here. And I agree with you OP. He is putting drugs before his kids and is being a shit. Stand your ground.