to not pander to my mum's food 'allergies'?

[sadpanda]

Before I get flamed about the seriousness of food allergies, I know they are serious and under normal circumstances I would be very careful. The issue here is that mum's only genuine allergy is to reality. She's 'allergic' to any food she is suspicious of, ie anything new or foreign. How the hell am I going to survive 2 weeks of a woman who won't eat rice because she's 'allergic' but will eat rice pudding because 'that's different'?

The underlying question here is why are you having her to stay for 2 weeks if she annoys you so much?

Because my sadistic brother thought it'd be funny to buy her the tickets so she could surprise me, but my dad let the cat out of the bag.

My MIL is "allergic" to vegetables. All vegetables except potatoes. Her health issues are never to be linked with her diet though

I do tell people I'm allergic to onion but only because I really, really hate it

Sigh ... and this, exactly this, is why people do not take my son's anaphylaxis seriously.

My sil is the same

She has never been allergy tested but is constantly finding new things to be allergic to. She is a fucking nightmare to have for dinner or to go out to eat with. Her grilling of waiters over the source/method/components of dishes is really embarrassing.

To add to her boringness limitations, she will only drink filtered water.

She's 40 and looks 70. All her clean living is doing her face no favours.

I've just had my Mum for a week. Her tastes are very traditional British, my kids hate meat and two veg type stuff. It has been quite trying.

I cooked a full English breakfast fot dinner and she turned her nose up because it was cooked with sunflower oil not lard. She turned her nose up at spag bol, I offered to top the meat with mash, she said she dislikes mince. I wouldn't mind but we went out to lunch and she ordered cottage pie. I made sausage and mash and she announced she had gone off sausages. I cooked chicken and chips and she turned her nose up at the oven chips.

Thing is, she goes to visit other people and just eats what they make without a word. I honestly think she was on some sort of power trip. As soon as she went I made a massive curry.

My MIL has decided she has a wheat allergy. She told me this whilst tucking into a sandwich followed by cake and biscuits with her tea.

For your Mum Op, either cook her bland stuff she's used to or say feck it and cook your normal menu. As all parents of fussy toddlers say "They'll eat it when they're hungry".

My MiL only likes food from Marks and Spencer.

We're miles from the nearest M&S...

SIL brought her own lunch not long ago because we were having spag bolognese and she doesn't like spag bolognese. The meal she brought for herself instead? Lasagna

I asked what the difference is and she said 'Creamy sauce'. If I'd known I'd have made her some bechamel on the side

Some people are just weird about food. I'd do as PPs have suggested and get 14 ham and pineapple pizzas.

I'd just cook her what she wants. She's family and if you can't be yourself and eat what you're comfortable with in a family member's house, where can you?

I am extremely fussy, have a chronic eating disorder (18 years) and am terrified of many many different foods. It is very rare for me to accept a dinner invitation because I'm worried that I won't be able to eat what is served. But at a close friend or family member's, I would hope to be understood and catered for.

I've used allergy excuses to. It might be annoying for people with genuine allergies but the fear of the foods is genuine too.

It can't be more annoying for you than it is embarrassing for her.

Last time she came she had 4 sliced loaves and a tub of stork in her suitcase.

Hands up - another Mother with fake allergies, but won't go to be tested because "it's just a waste of time, I'm fine eating a very restricted and bland diet I do."

She doesn't eat red things, except tomatoes, or anything she decrees to be red like black olives . Or spicy, or too high in fat (sugar is fine and doesn't make you fat apparently...). Even stuffing is only allowed if it's paxo, so christmas is stressful.

She doesn't stay for more than 2 meals at a time though. That's my limit and DH would probably leave me if they stayed for 2 weeks.

Speaking as someone with genuine food allergies, it does really annoy me when people say they're allergic to something because they don't like it. There are so many people doing it nowadays that people don't take my allergies seriously because they assume I'm just being fussy. Hello hospital...

oh BTW- I've found roast dinners are usually safe, but only chicken so we don't have the "but it's not cooked yet!" arguments followed by not eating medium cooked beef/lamb etc because there's the slightest hint of pinkness as "I'm not a fan of food poisioning."

I forgot sausages are also banned because even the posh ones from the fancy butchers or the supermarket "finest/best" range will be "full of sawdust and probably have red colouring" ("If they put in additives they have to be listed on the back mum." "Supermarkets don't bother listing them all, I'm fine with just mash, don't mind me. Oh, you've put butter in it, you really should just use flora light, much better for you, you'll get ever so fat if you keep that up.")

I'm lucky in that my mum eats everything. Even though she shouldn't. She suffers from ibs and eats all the wrong things because my dad wants them.

Picky eaters do my head in. People who fake allergies really pissed me off.

I would just lie and tell her everything is a ham and pineapple pizza dished up in a different way. It would stress me out either having to cook separately for someone or enforce someone's picky eating habits on everyone else.

One of dds friends doesn't eat any veg, potatoes, chips, pasta or salad. I find trying to feed her an absolute nightmare.

so, butterflyballs what do you suggest those of us who are 'picky eaters' do about it? Most of us already avoid many social situations involving food and certainly don't go to many people's houses for dinner out of fear and/or embarrassment. Is it really too much to be accepted as we are in the homes of our families?!

Picky eaters don't choose to be that way you know.

I agree with most of the pps, Sadpanda. Cook what you normally cook, and have bland stuff in the cupboard for if she won't eat it - soup, etc I think was suggested. Or suggest she brings her own food?

And, I hope you're going to SLAUGHTER your bro

"Picky eaters don't choose to be that way you know"

I think there's a huge amount of variation in reasons why someone is picky. With my grandfather he just got less adventurous as he got older. He said he didn't like any meat that wasn't ham or chicken but actually so long as he thought what he was eating was ham or chicken, he'd tuck in. He said he hated garlic but if you didn't tell him it was in the food he'd still eat it.

Being fishitarian myself I'm quite happy to be accommodating of people I'm cooking for. Where I struggle is if someone refuses point blank to try something without really knowing if they like it or not. I'd like to think that if someone explained to me why they were being picky I'd be sympathetic.

My mum says she is allergic to milk and spends hours checking food labels. However, she'll happily eat cheese, pancakes, Yorkshire puddings and any number of other recipes that contain milk because "that's different"

It is totally different. The chemical composition of milk that has been processed or heated is completely changed, and most people who can't digest liquid milk are quite happy with any recipe that contains milk. It is entirely different.

manic, do you think it's fair that people with allergies are being put in danger (actual, physical danger, sometimes of death) because fussy eaters and people with more deep seated food issues are claiming to be allergic? It's causing fairly widespread disregard of allergy claims.

So in cases like the OP has, I do pander to it and won't force the food on the person falsely claiming to be allergic, but the things I cook will most certainly be out of their comfort zone. Because their false claims put people with true allergies in danger.

That's a difficult question Chicken and probably not one I can answer objectively. No, I don't think it's fair. But I also don't think it's fair to lay all the blame on those falsely claiming the allergies. If so many people weren't so disparaging and sneery towards adults with food issues then it would be okay to say you don't like something and people wouldn't feel the need to lie about an allergy. Also, with a food phobia, a person can become convinced that they are allergic to a food or that it will harm them in some way. Just because it won't really doesn't make that fear any less real to that person.

People should take allergies seriously until it is proved they don't need to. That's the way to handle the situation.

I do hope the people with fake allergies don't try to pull that off in restaurants. That triggers the kitchen to waste a lot of time and effort preparing the food separately, using new utensils etc. to be as sure as they can that they won't accidentally kill the customer and get sued.

I don't mean to put the blame solely at the feet of those claiming the false allergies, apologies if it sounds that way. I just don't think that lying about allergies is the way to deal with the issues that those with food phobias (and fussiness, dislikes, etc) face. Because this method of dealing with it puts others in danger. People like me.

helena you do realise that the base sauce of almost everything you are ever likely to eat from an Indian restaurant is made up largely of pulped onions, don't you? But you obviously easy Indian food in spite of your apparent onion hate and the ability to pick it out at a hundred paces.

Also, while excessively picky eaters who just don't like a whole load of stuff do get right on my tits and I can't pretend otherwise, I think lots of people do get very sneery and like to deride others attempts to improve their health or their weight by eliminating certain things because of possible food intolerances.

What I know happens is that if someone says they are trying to avoid certain foods for a while because of a genuine concern that those things have a negative effect on their health or their ability to lose weight, someone somewhere will pipe up 'oh how ridiculous - she's decided she's allergic to wheat/dairy/whatever now.'

No, she hasn't. She's probably never said she's allergic to anything but she has said she might be intolerant, which is totally different. And she feels better, less bloated, less phlegmy, less achey and tired, less brain foggy, she sleeps better, she has better skin etc, her IBS or her PCOS or her PMS or her insomnia is more under control, and she loses excess weight by not eating those things. And if she doesn't want to eat or drink something just to make everyone else feel better then she shouldn't have to, and she shouldn't be made to feel really awkward about it.

Having said that, I do hate it when people on very limited diets expect everyone else to jump through ridiculous hoops in order to facilitate that. Either deal with it for a day or two, especially if you know it won't kill you, politely leave what you don't want to eat, or just eat a little of it to show willing, or take your own food, or don't go.

But unless your guest is being really demanding about what they want you supply and cook for them, it's pretty rude to keep drawing attention to that fact that they don't want to eat the same as you, and to make them feel bad about it. It's not that hard to shove something fairly basic and easy that is bland or low carb or dairy free or whatever in the direction of said person, while you carry on as normal, is it?