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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to stress over the dynamics at work?

1 reply

Eleanor101 · 24/05/2015 09:31

Work in team of 3. The other two are close friends, in and out of work. My life is a little different - I am older and I have DCs. On paper, we should be working together but I am very often excluded. Rarely asked my opinion; conversations about work take place without me; never invited to anything remotely social & without doubt, they talk about me when I'm out of the room (sometimes catch the tail end). It's tough. I think that even if I were thick skinned, it would be tough.

Manager may be worth an approach but they have (it is pretty obvious) a high regard for my colleagues and would find it difficult to sympathise. The best tack might be that I'd like there to be genuine co-operation in the team - but I'm worried that that may come across as a moan and reflect badly on me. Also worried about how this might impact on any future reference. Manager, anyway, hasn't got back to me with feedback following a review (with another manager), as they did with my colleagues. Though I'm pro-active at work and work hard (I think that's not in dispute), I feel side-lined.

One of the two colleagues is now seeking out some of my former colleagues (I moved to my present department from elsewhere in the organisation) for coffee and conversations. Leaving me out even though we should be working across departments and I have experience of the two. I daren't ask her if I could come along - that clearly wouldn't be appreciated. She's fairly new, comes across as charismatic and very capable. This isn't professional jealousy, it's me weary of the subtle and not so subtle exclusion.

Shall I just get on with it until something else comes up (and I'm starting to look in earnest) or should I talk to my manager in the hopes that something might get done, especially if I came up with some concrete suggestions?

AIBU to stress (badly)?

OP posts:
Heyho111 · 24/05/2015 09:44

This is hard but I think you need to chat to your manager. It can be done in a way that doesn't look like you're moaning or bitching.
Explain that as much as you try you are left out of decisions, discussions and meetings with clients. Say you feel it's evolved from the other two being friends. They are acting a bit like kids in the playground. Women are an embarrassment to our sex sometimes.

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