An income based AIBU

[cakeybakeymakey]

I have dithered over whether to post this thread or not. I just didn't really know how to get all the salient points down without outing myself.

Basically, OH was made redundant last summer, he picked up some short term contract work whilst he was looking for a new job. He then applied for something on such a low salary that he was the only applicant. It means our household income has dropped over 30k per year. It has completed killed us up financially.

So, short term idea whilst he was doing the contract work the idea was that I would return to work.. I did not have an issue with returning to work. Unfortunately where we live 30k jobs for mums returning to work do just not exist. I am currently working in retail part time whilst applying for positions and not even getting interviews.. I am doing all the hours I can but I am still not earning anywhere near the shortfall I need to.

We have a mortgage and other commitments that simply are not covered by this lower salary and my part-time earnings. To be blunt, we can not even afford to live, function and repair the house that we are currently in.

So, here it is. In light of the fact that we are in debt, have absolutely no savings and we have four DCs hoping to attend university I have basically said that he needs to find another job that is better paid. He works in London, there are jobs going using his transferrable skills for at least double what he is earning.

AIBU?

Have you sat down with him, with your home income figures and outgoings and ask him what he thinks you should do? If he wont' apply for any other jobs, how does he think you should deal with the shortfall?

Why is this your job to fix? He should be aware of the issue and have an idea about how to fix it.

Sounds like you both need to talk. You can hardly berate him for a low income if you only work part time yourself after years of not contributing financially.

Does he like his current job? Perhaps he's had enough of being the bread winner and wants a less stressful life. In which case either you take on the role or you downsize to accommodate it.

Does he actually want to move? Seems daft to buy a house that needs so much work if you only ever intended to stay for a short while.

Littlemonsters, the OP is in her late forties and has been out of the workforce because she's been the SAHP to four kids. She has also, presumably, been supporting her DH's career in many practical ways.

Of course she doesn't have the earning power her DH does! It's ridiculous to suggest that they can just do 'swapsies' and she can just 'take on the role' of earning an equivalent income.

Houses will always sell if priced right. Rather than assuming you can't sell it, get it valued. Find out what you could get, and what you'd be paying for a suitable house in a more commutable location. Factor in stamp duty and moving costs though to see how much better off you'd be.

I think your DC need to be told things have changed and you can't pay their uni fees. They can defer and work for a year. Or work pt now and start saving.

Of course he needs to continue to apply for jobs on a higher salary and it's not appropriate for him to opt out of that process but lots of people are having to take salary cuts to get back into the job market.
If you can't increase your income you need to look at your outgoings and financial expectations. It sounds as though funding your children's further education at this time is unrealistic and the situation might even be more acute than that. If you getting a part time 30k post isn't possible (and that's not surprising) you will have to accept that you're living beyond your means and address that.

Sorry I don't know where I got the part time 30k from but the rest of my post stands.

You said that your DH only has two payslips at the new lower amount for student finance; does that mean he has only been in the current job for two months? Is he just needing a breather before he starts applying for jobs again? Two months isn't a long time.

Are you ever going to tell us what his explanation is?

I think if he's working full time it's unreasonable to say, "I expect you to earn more".

I agree vivacia, his reasons are very significant. The OP also hasn't said what the salary has dropped from. A drop From £100K to £70k is more significant than a drop from £45k to £15k.
The OP is also only working part time and I think it would be a good idea for her to look for full time work especially as their children are older and therefore not needing childcare. I appreciate that the OP is very unlikely to earn £30k after years being a SAHM but £15k might be doable and as the OP won't be paying a huge amount of tax on £15k the take home pay will be a big chunk of the income lost (presuming OPs DH used to be a HRT).

^^From 100k to 70k is less significant.

You need to find full time work. Even if it is a minimum wage retail job you will be able to cover a large proportion of the drop in income as you won't be paying much tax or NI.

We need more information. How much is your husband earning now- I agree that it is a huge difference whether he is earning £20k or £80k now. How much is your house worth and how much equity do you have? Is it viable to downsize?

You need to talk to him and find out what his stance in this is. If there are better paid jobs out there which he could do then yanbu to think he should apply for them. If he isn't, you have to find out why not.

Maybe he has found a role he enjoys with a team he is happy in.

Perhaps he feels that the job he is in now is more secure than some of the higher earning ones and he is less stressed. Perhaps he needs to be off the totally soul destroying treadmill of job hunting now? I was on it for some time and the result was depression for which I was medicated for over a year.

Maybe there is scope to cut back and make savings in other areas.

Just saying that it may not be as simple as just jumping up and down ranting "earn more". My DH has never been out of work in nearly 30 years. When my stint as an SAHM to 3 children was coming to an end he just couldn't see for the life of him why I couldn't just magic income out of thin air, why job hunting was so disillusioning and time consuming. It almost drove us to separate, though that remained unsaid. The thought was there, even though neither of us wanted it and are both glad we didn't.

My

Forget that "My". No idea where that came from.

re Student Finance - you need to ring them and ask for Current Year Assessment. You estimate what your income for the current tax year (2015-16) will be, then you supply them with proof of that income after April 2016, and they adjust the student finance accordingly. We over estimated income (self employed) in DD1s first year, and she got a backdated lump sum at the start of her second year. Be aware that not all the telephone answering people are especially clued up (we had to read out hte website information to one of them ) and the form wasn't easily findable on the website either. It might have got a bit better now though.

Or get your 18 year old to do it!