AIBU to be pissed at DH's ex yet again

[zeezeek]

To cut a long story short....DH had a fairly short relationship with a woman in between marriages (his first one and then ours). Had a child with that woman, but kind of left her for me (all very messy and 26 years ago). He has always been involved with his DD from that relationship and so have I. She's just had a baby and, because we have always been close, has asked me to be god-mother. I'm not particularly religious, but her DP was brought up in that environment and they both want their DS to be christened, so I said yes and, besides, it is a great honour to be asked and I love the LO and my DSD.

However, her mother (who has previously abused and stalked me) is now refusing to attend the christening if a) I am god-mother and b) if I even turn up.

What's really pissing me off is that despite the close relationship I have with my DSD and her DP and my step-DGS (my DH is currently acting as his child-minder as well so he's around ours a lot) the actual ceremony is being held at my family's property (stealth boast alert....my family used to have a stately home, now turned over to EH but they allow us to use the chapel on occasion).

Obviously DSD wants her mother - the child's grandmother to be there, along with her father and also her step-sisters (my two who are v v excited by the whole thing). And she also wants me there and wants me to be god-mother, otherwise she wouldn't have asked.

Seems to be stalemate at the moment with DH completely on my side (against her for a change) and saying to ignore her - but I know she will make a scene if she doesn't get her own way and ruin it for everyone else.

Should I go, or should I stay away?

I remember your previous posts. It is such a shame that your DSD's mother can't put her daughter and grandchild first. She should love them more than she hates you or your DH.

You should do what your DSD wants. Hopefully everything will be okay.

Thank you. And thanks for all the support. Will find out later exactly how much trouble I'm in!!

The day is about your DSD and her child, not her mother. YANBU.

Hire a security guard for the ceremony/meal, brief him about the troublesome ex and work out where to seat her so as to manage a discreet exit in case it all kicks off.

Many people have to do this for weddings, it may be the only way to manage potential disruption from her if she is a loose cannon but has to be invited.

TheVeryHungryPreggo - that is so tempting! Generally my DH can handle her, though he does have a tendency to dismiss her as a harmless nuisance. But after she stalked me for months to the point of nearly having to get a restraining order I think he's taking this more seriously now. He's certainly very angry with how a happy family occasion is being turned into a nightmare.

So its half siblings, not step siblings? I do wish people in such families could use the right terminology, it might help everyone else start to have a clue!

Sorry, Mad. Yes. Half siblings. My DH has 4 children from his first marriage, then another one from this affair and then two more with me. So he has 7 children and I have 5 step-children .