to wonder what the hell i'm going to do now?

[sherbetlemonD]

I'm pretty sure my life is over, and hasn't even really begun.

I had to quit my volunteering job this week. It was getting too much- I worked out I was being manipulated by someone I thought I could trust and support me- and it turned out I couldn't. Quite honestly- i'm devastated.

I made a thread on here last week about my abusive parents. My job was my escape, my way of building up my self confidence- and because I was weak and easily manipulated someone has taken advantage of that. I've had a feeling for a long time but instead i've just chosen to put up with more shit in my life

I'm pretty sure i'm not going to get a reference (she is that vindictive if I think about it..)

I thought I was going to be strong and be able to move on...but all I can see in front of me is a brick wall.

Look. I'm going to read you the riot act a bit now. I've just seen your last thread about your parents and nothing seems to have changed since the thread before that, where you were given tons of great and constructive advice about how to break this cycle of toxicity and abuse and start to take control of your own life. Why on earth have you still done nothing about looking into claiming JSA at the very least? You are asking questions here that were answered last time, as though by merely asking the same questions there can be hope of change, but there can't. Not unless you act on the information and the support you are given.

We've all said that you would probably be entitled to benefits for living independently and we asked you to speak to your GP to start the ball rolling so that he can corroborate your genuine need and to help access any support that might be available to you as a person claiming DLA. but you haven't done it. You seem stuck on a treadmill of victimisation and persecution that you feel powerless to change, and now it's spilling over from home into your voluntary work.

No-one can make these changes for you - it has to start with you. PLEASE just do what you need to do to start the process of change. You sound as if you have resigned yourself to being typecast as this sort of tragic Cinderella figure who is to be pitied and mollycoddled on the one hand, and exploited, abused and belittled on the other.

I totally understand why it's easier and less scary to continue with the status quo and just vent about it on here, than to act to change it. I do get that. But I know that's not what you really want. You sound articulate and bright and feisty and independent and although you say you have a disability and claim DLA (no idea what for) you are obviously pretty able bodied, can drive and do things for yourself, do physical jobs at work and around the house, so WHY are you allowing this nonsense to perpetuate?

Arrgh! If you had two heads I'd bang them together.

What are you going to do on Monday, now that you don't have a job to go to? You are going to go to the GP and the benefits office, that's what. to hell with your mother. Just do it.

Thank you Baltimore. I needed that.

I guess this is my wake up call.

You are welcome. Please do it. Please.

Agree with Baltimore. Also stop applying for volunteer jobs unless they are live in. You need out of your situation.

Also live in volunteer jobs www.gumtree.com/volunteer-charity-work-jobs/uk/live+in

Thanks, Bella. It was a while back now but I do still miss him. Part of me always will, and that's how it should be.

Sherbet you do come up with some positive things on here e.g. acknowledging that you have transferable skills. I'm sure many of us on here wish we were back in our 20s but with the knowledge that we have now. You are still young and people are sharing their knowledge with you. This is an amazing opportunity for you to get out there and grab life. Take it.

Gabilan, that touched my heart. We lost our cat last year. It sounds stupid but we had been through a lot (me and the cat!) and were great friends. I still miss him terribly. Sounds like a really hard time for you but really lucky that you had that time with him.

I think that's the thing with life, you have to roll with it. It's difficult to understand why things are going when they are actually happening. There always seems to be a reason and if you relax and let go it all seems to work out. I had a pretty horrid work experience a few years back but it led me to DH. I realise now that if that hadn't happened I would never have got together with him. I would have done lots of things differently if I had known what I know now in my 20s!

Also...

I'm pretty sure most people will have had their fair share of knocks. I know I have! It's how you deal with it. You really do need to pick yourself up and get on with things. None of us are saying it is easy...

Thanks again, Bella. You do indeed have to learn to roll with it! Within a year of losing my old horse another horse turned up who needed a home. At the time I had very little money and was doing a poorly-paid job but knowing C. had, for reasons best known to his horse-brain, put his trust in me, I got myself out of that situation. He may be a horse, but C is one of my best friends.

There's good and bad in many situations. You can acknowledge the bad, but it's probably healthier to dwell on the good stuff.

It's completely normal to put the big boss rather than line manager down as a referee. A lot of companies insist that all reference requests go to their HR dept to avoid this kind of things.
You need to listen to Baltimore. We have no vested interest in you remaining anyone's skivvy or whipping boy. Seems like everyone in your life wants something from you.
You can escape. It's hard to visualise it but you can live the life you choose.
When your mind runs free what do you dream of?

www.gumtree.com/p/other-hotel-jobs/-live-in-general-assistant-position-in-award-winning-hotel-on-beautiful-nw-highland-coast/1096767264 there you go this job is immediate start through to October :)

www.gumtree.com/p/food-beverage-jobs/general-assistant-live-in-immediate-start/1112465720 or this one?

That's a lovely story, Gabilan. Isn't it strange how things work out?

What's happening, Sherbet?

I always find that if I look for the positive in a situation it really helps.

So, in your case... My boss has turned out to be a bit of a bitch but I'm much stronger now and I don't have to put up with it for any longer than I have to.... I'm going to look for a nice new shiny job that pays well with decent colleagues. I don't have to ask her for a reference because I can ask a) her boss b) HR c) the Area Manager, etc. Also, try to think there is a (good) reason why this is happening but you just don't know what it is yet!