AIBU regarding DD and a HBB?

[passmethewineplease]

Just curious as to weather I'm BU or not. I don't think so obviously but need an outsiders perspective!

I did do a previous thread on the in laws and my DSs car seat before and this is also car seat related.

They recently bought DD5 a backless booster despite us having a perfectly good high back booster as I do believe these are safer plus a bit more supportive if she was to fall asleep on a long journey.

They were going to take the children on a three hour round trip for a day out, which I had no issue with and was very grateful for, I casually mentioned that I wanted DD in the HBB though not the cushion and now they've refused to take her? I had already told her she was going so she had a bit of a tantrum when I then had to tell her no.

AIBU in thinking they were being quite mean? I don't understand why they would stop a young child from going on a day out purely because their parents wanted them to be in the safest seat possible?

Apparently HBB wreck the car seats? News to me. It also made me feel as if my DEs safety was less important than their precious car.

We normally get on really well but lately I am getting more and more frustrated. Apparently we also don't talk to our 18 month old enough and if we out our six month old on her tummy more she would be crawling by now.

Oh and I did offer to buy a protective cover for their special car seats.

YANBU.

don't rise to it, just say ok, then fine, and make other plans for the day.

No you are not being precious and your dd should be using a hbb rather than a booster cushion as the cushions offer no side impact protection.

They are being ignorant and mean to ignore your wishes and to exclude her from the trip.

YANBU. I wouldn't let them take any of the children out if they don't take one (In the hbb). Take your children somewhere nice yourself to make it up.

I wouldn't back down on it. Our DD is 5 and in a HBB, DH very occasionally puts her on a normal booster when he's doing the school run (less than a mile, slow traffic and lots of kids to fit in) and even that drives me crazy. No chance on a 3 hour round trip - HBB all the way and if her safety is less important then tough cheese.

YANBU. Some people's attitudes toward car safety never cease to amaze me.

DS2 is 4 but is enormous, easily the size of a six year old and is still in a Britax Evolva 123 as it supports him on long journeys where he's prone to sleeping. I wouldn't consider letting him sit in a booster seat with no back. Car seats don't knacker up the car, they save children's lives. Either they use your appropriate seat or they don't take DD in their car.

MIL here often has 'helpful' suggestions and tips. She's full of them. I lost the plot a few years back and shouted "New rule, if you have nothing lovely to say in my house, pipe down". Things have been better since. She still does the 'tips' but to DH. Who knows better than to risk my wrath and share them with me.

No not unreasonable if you have someone else's child in your car you use what they are comfortable with - I still insist my 9 yr old over the size required uses the booster, smaller than that would prefer a high back too as it supports their backs in an accident and provides extra protection for their small soft bodies

Statistically - the first accident my DC has been in (and touch wood the only one) was on the half mile trip to nursery, when our car was stationary in fact. If that helps your case with your dh! Thank goodness he was in a decent car seat.

Yanbu.
I agree with pp about taking the other children (if they were?). Either all or none. They're not to exclude one because of parents wishes on safety. Not on.

YANBU. On a three hour round trip I'd be putting my 5 year old in the safest seat we own. My 5 year old would never be on just a booster cushion for any journey. Stick to your guns!

Without a doubt the only unreasonable ones are your inlaws. Actually fee rather pisses off for you and your dd!

Am I the only one who has absolutely no idea what a HBB is?

high backed booster car seat. A car seat with a back that is secured using the adult seat belt

My parents were the opposite and insisted on HBB until they were practically teenagers.

Your PIL are BU. And just a little bit odd actually. And unkind.

How is your husband handling it?

Thanks, as it happens none of the children went in the end. We are going to the local fair instead.

DP is in agreement with me but doesn't really push the issue I asked him to ask why they felt the need to have DD on a booster cushion and they said they read up on it and it said it was safe. I pointed out to him that many people do have them and believe they are safe as can be. I used to think that to until I did a bit of research. He left it at that and said he didn't want to argue.

I emailed MIL (she's an email person not phone) and explained that I did trust her with the dcs and a few links that back up that HBB are just as safe. I don't think there is anything wrong with informing anybody. It is how I learned about rearfacing for longer with my second.

I just think what they did was spiteful and their reasons are just ridiculous. How does a hbb wreck your car seats?

Yup, only accident here was about 300 yards from the house too Iggi999. It's more that we have 7 in a 7 seater sometimes so space is very tight - trying to fit in combinations of car seats can be interesting! There are times when there's a 2 year old, 2 3 year olds, DD who's just 5, and then 2 7 year olds. And you can't get 3 high backed seats in the middle row. It's like Sudoku with car seats :) So you get the dilemma - does DD go in the very middle of the car (safest spot) but in a simple booster (not as safe) or in a HBB (safer) but in the back row (not as safe as like most 7 seaters the back row is basically in the boot!)

And despite all that and car seats being shuffled constantly they've not done any damage to our car seats so not sure what your MIL is getting at OP!

SC I would imagine the child in the middle gets some benefit from the two Hbbs on either side, though I could be wrong!

I hope so! The next car will be even bigger I think. We do the best we can - everyone is in good quality age appropriate seats which fit the car properly, isofix where possible, rear facing for as long as we can (we can't manage proper ERF but the littlies stay rear facing in their stage 0+/1 seats until they're at the top limit for RF rather than being turned the second they hit 9kg.) But it's a constant compromise!

SC I'm sure I read somewhere that the middle seated child will get some side protection, definitely better than nothing.

I just can't see how a car seat would wreck the car surely a three hour round journey wouldn't cause damage. I have no idea why they are being so weird about this.

Just a shame really they all missed out on what would of been a lovely day due to a perfectly reasonable request about a car seat.

We put DS age 3 in a booster cushion the other day as we were stuck without a seat.

When we went around a bend he tilted to the side and knocked his head on the door. We weren't going very fast - just driving normally.

Then he fell asleep and was falling from side to side and I had to sit in the back and put my arm around him.

I'd use it only for a quick journey - but really shouldn't use it at all

See this video

www.which.co.uk/news/2014/04/which-warning-ditch-unsafe-backless-booster-seats-363271/

But using a booster when the child is over size places the seat belt at the wrong height. Check where the seat belt lays across the child's chest before extending use beyond the safety benefits.

I've actually sent MIL that link mist no response as of yet!

I'm hoping they'll see where I'm coming from and this will all blow over..

Flora717 I'm presuming if the OPs DD is 5 then she will be nowhere near the height limits of a HBB?

SC she isn't you're right. I got the britax kidplus which should last until she is 12. The adjustable headrest goes up quite a bit, it also has an extendable seat so it grows with them.