Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To let my 7 year old go to the local shop alone?

67 replies

SausageBaconCrackling · 23/05/2015 08:23

Brief context - have 2 DS's a year apart, eldest is 8 and has been to the local shop for milk alone once. There is a relatively busy road to cross, but it is not a main road and there is a lighted crossing so safe to cross.

Wibu to allow the 7 year old to go? Ever since his brother went he has been desperate and he is probably the more sensible of the two.

Am I a terrible mother to even consider it?

OP posts:

cleanmyhouse · 23/05/2015 09:46

I'm really shocked at all the no votes.

The reason kids can't do these things is because we won't let them, not because they're not capable.

mousmous · 23/05/2015 09:49

yanbu
but you know your dc best. if they are sensible to use the traffic lights why not.

lechie · 23/05/2015 09:51

No one can say for you, because everyone's situation is different.

When we lived in a large town, I never used to let my daughter out much because there wasn't a culture, no other children played out so cars drove too fast and it just wasn't safe.

Now we live on the edge of a lovely large village / market town and everyone round here lets their children out to play from the end of year 1. As a result, cars drive slower, there's always other mums keeping half an eye out for their children and there's usually someone for my children to play with. As its a village, they know every child in their school and most children in the village (except those that go private etc...) even the children keep an eye out for each other. Yesterday my daughter went to the park and left her micro scooter there - another child saw it, knew it was ours and brought it back. It is such a safe place to let your children out.

In the large town, I wouldn't have let my daughter play out or go to the shops. Here, I wouldn't have any hesitation to let them out (indeed DD2 - 8 has been playing out for about two years now). But I wouldn't let her to go the shops alone, it's across a busy A road (the main road through our village) with no crossing. She does go with her older sister though.

If I felt it's safe, that my child is responsible and does as they are told, then I wouldn't have a problem. But only you can decide.

girliefriend · 23/05/2015 09:52

I have a sensible (mostly) 9yo dd and I am still debating this! The local shop is across a very busy road which has a lighted crossing and one more biggish road. I am thinking no until she is 10yo but probably am slightly precious.

She isn't allowed to the park on her own yet which is at the end of our road, I have let her go with friends twice and both times there have been incidents where she got scared or hurt!!

bluecheque4595 · 23/05/2015 09:52

I did let my kids go to the shops alone when they were 7, in suburban London. They used to get to know the shopkeeper and I thought it was lovely that my kids were able to be indendent and part of the community. They had to cross one not very busy road to get to the shops.

bigTillyMint · 23/05/2015 09:53

Only you know your DC and how dangerous it is. If you think he'd be OK, then he probably will be.

Back in the Dark Ages we all walked to school/went to the shop, etc on our own. There were less cars, but I lived just off a very busy main road.
And in other European countries it is still normal to let them go to school, etc on their own from 6/7.

Writerwannabe83 · 23/05/2015 09:53

Me and my sister weren't allowed to go to the shop unless we went together, we'd never be allowed to go on our own. I think she first let us go when we were about 10 and only because there were no roads to cross and because it would have taken us no more than two minutes to get there.

I wouldn't let a 7 year old (or an 8 year old) go alone.

wigglylines · 23/05/2015 09:54

It depends on the child. And what the road crossing is like.

I was taking my little sister to school, 2.5 miles across London on pubic transport when I was not much older, and my sister was certainly younger than 7. We only had one main road to cross, however, on the way there, and it had a zebra crossing with a Lollipop Lady. I was a pretty sensible child.

It would be the roads that worried me. If there's no road to cross 7 is plenty old enough (depending on the child).

However my 6 year old has his head in the clouds, no way am I sending him off to cross roads on his own any time soon! His little sister is very on the ball however, so she might start at an earlier age.

Moln · 23/05/2015 10:00

Trial it first. Walk with him, but let him lead, so he makes all the decisions; which way to go, how to cruss the road etc. same on the way back, with him entering the shop and carrying everything home himself.

nequidnimis · 23/05/2015 10:00

I think it does children a lot of good to be given some responsibility and independence. Showing them that you trust them, and think they're competent, is like a self-fulfilling prophecy IMO.

I would do it with him the first time - showing him where to cross the road and so on, and then let him do it by himself.

I'm torn on whether I'd encourage them to go together - it's only a good idea if they're sensible, and won't be more likely to muck about.

RagstheInvincible · 23/05/2015 10:07

Yes, without a moment's hesitation. They have to start sometime. I was walking to school alone at 7.

Original poster

SausageBaconCrackling · 23/05/2015 10:11

Sorry to post and run, ridiculously busy today. To answer some questions, it is extremely close, it takes less than 3 minutes including the crossing. Quiet "naice" middle class village (whatever that is) where he attends school so is recognisable by local people.
No way on earth they would be trusted to go together, eldest would mess around. I'm posting because I'm torn, rationally I know he would be ok, it's what other people would think that makes me reluctant. Typical!

OP posts:

littlejohnnydory · 23/05/2015 10:19

I let my seven and five year olds go to the village shop, which is about 100m away on the same side of the road.

I have never let the seven year old cross a road alone. I probably would if he is sensible, there is a lighted crossing and it is very nearby. Without a 'green man' traffic light crossing I wouldn't.

Writerwannabe83 · 23/05/2015 10:25

My mother's reasoning for only letting us go together was, to quote her, because "It's a lot harder to kidnap two children than it is to kidnap one."

Me and my sister were very close in she and very sensible so our mom knew we wouldn't be silly or mess around.

My sister on the other hand had two children, 8 and 6, and there's absolutely no way she'd ever let them go together because they'd do nothing but wind each other up and cause trouble

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 23/05/2015 10:27

I wouldn't let my very sensible, trustworthy 7 year old do it. She would be fine crossing our small road and doing the actual shopping, but there is one very fast and busy road with multiple directions etc, which I wouldn't be confident about. I also think she is not equipped to deal with unexpected encounters which might make her feel uncomfortable and knock her confidence for the next time.

I let her buy things in a shop when I'm nearby and have small and appropriate doses of independence to stretch her wings, but I don't agree at all that all 7 year olds are secretly 'ready' and it's just us hovering, smothering parents holding them back . The individual child, and where you live makes a big difference.

Marynary · 23/05/2015 11:43

I wouldn't if the road is quite busy as seven year olds aren't usually that good at judging when it is safe to cross.

Marynary · 23/05/2015 11:47

Yes, without a moment's hesitation. They have to start sometime. I was walking to school alone at 7.

They do have to start sometime but that doesn't mean they have to start when they are 7.

Assuming you are an adult, times have changed since you were a child and there are many more cars on the road. It may have been safe for you to cross roads when you were seven but it doesn't mean it is safe know.

PuppyMonkey · 23/05/2015 11:58

I wouldn't. My 8 yo is too dreamy plus the road here is really busy and the car park area outside my local shop is a nightmare to negotiate even as an adult pedestrian. I am happy with my decision.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/05/2015 12:42

Eactly, times have cganged, roads are busier, at 7, tgey are still very immature. What is wrong with waiting a couple of years!

Akire · 23/05/2015 12:46

Send them both together each have to look after each other. If one is more sensible than the other should be fine as you say if they are using a crossing that's the hard bit done.

LaLyra · 23/05/2015 13:32

I would let him go, but I wouldn't let them go together. I found my twins were much more sensible not on their own.

Some people think i'm weird. I'm a mix of 'not careful enough' (my 8 year old is allowed to go to the shop, walk to school herself, 12 year olds are allowed to get the train into other shops on a weekend) for some and then too strict (one 12 year old is currently allowed in the garden and that's it for going further than she's allowed so I clamp down hard). You can't win really.

Also I don't believe in arbitrary age limits. Just because one was 8 doesn't mean the other shouldn't be allowed at 7 if they are capable. Treating them equally doesn't always mean keeping them the same.

If you can trust him to use the crossing, not wander off and to keep his wits about him then let him go. Trust your instinct about your child imo.

Psippsina · 23/05/2015 13:56

I probably wouldn't let mine, he's very sensible and nearly 8, but he is still capable of forgetting to look, panicking at roads, and it's a busy road and there's just no way. Sorry.

Then I prob wouldn't have let the 8yo go either.

Isn't there something about children's perception of vehicle speed? I can't remember now.

I let my 12yo go and the 7yo goes with him sometimes, similar situation, but 5 minutes and busy road with crossing/lights.

I never feel quite safe doing that tbh.

Psippsina · 23/05/2015 13:58

Read this : Children can't accurately judge speed of vehicles above 20mph.

VolumniaDedlock · 23/05/2015 14:00

i let my 8 yo go from the age of 7
However although the shop is a couple of streets away, there are no actual roads to cross, just the entrance to a small pub car park to watch for. she could manage quiet roads, but she's not ready for busy roads yet.

SanityClause · 23/05/2015 14:06

Do you think he is capable of doing it? Of crossing at the crossing, only when it's safe? Of walking on the footpath, and not the road?

If so, then let him go.

My DC were a little older, but they have to cross at a tricky junction, with no crossing.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread