To think he needs to grow a pair?

[StopColouringInYourSister]

Someone at work called in to say she wouldn't be at work because her DH had D&V so she needed to look after their 3yo. (The DH is a stay at home parent). The manager asked her to come in that afternoon after making arrangements but she refused to. She then called to say that she wouldn't be at work the next day either as DC was now unwell and DH was unable to look after DC. We later found out that DH was in fact fine on day 2.

This is about the 4th time so far this year that she has called off work because of DH for one reason or another. It's having a big impact on the rest of the team who are left to try their best to cover.

AIBU to think that this DH needs to grow a pair of balls and get on with parenting like the rest of us do when we feel a bit unwell? Surely one of them can cope at home while the other one is out earning the money?

4th time this year? We're only in the 5th month....

We all have problems. I'm a LP but don't pull that shit with my colleagues.

As a single parent I see your point. The problem is that a couple don't build the support network in the same way as lone parents. The mentality is different.
I find D&V is tricky as no one wants a sick child at theirs and sick child wants a parent. However as a lone parent I would have to look after mine even if my guts were falling out so on balance, with two parents
YANBU.
I would also question the being ill four times a year with two parents available. I have been off twice ( one day each time) for reasons above but the chances of both parents being too ill that much is slim.

I'm sort of on the fence.

I'm a single parent and due to IBS and possible Crohns disease I'm often faced with the practicalities of managing to look after a 1 year old during bouts of severe digestive pain and diarrhoea. I manage because I have to.

Additionally, when DD was just 2 weeks old, my ex cooked a meal that gave me food poisoning. Despite him being home, I still managed to look after her until 4am when I woke him and was hospitalised shortly after. (Ex was abusive...I woke him only once I was physically incapable of looking after DD.)

It is possible to continue with childcare in a lot of circumstances. Whether a parent with a partner should have to cope simply to avoid a working parent taking a day or two off work is another matter entirely. And I do think that if a parent chooses to work despite the other parent being quite badly ill, it sends the message that work is more important than family. But it comes down to what an individual can endure in terms of illness. I've learned to function through severe digestive issues but throw me an earache and I would have to find someone to look after DD for me.

I have to say I find it hard to sympathise. If I am ill my husband CAN'T take a day off. He is a builder and if you take days off for spurious reasons you are just off the job. Saying your wife had D&V and you were taking a day off and you would get a call later telling you not to come back. I just have to get on with it.

And it's bloody lucky that I have just got on with it for years. Earlier this year I was hospitalised and quite seriously ill. My husband was able to take time off while I recovered without losing his job because he had built up a good reputation for years as being very reliable so people knew it was serious. I hope the OPs colleague never finds herself in that situation and has cried wolf so many times nobody takes her seriously.

I do hope all the people who post about not wanting to make friends with other mothers are reading this thread and thinking on, as my mil would say.....

One month it was almost every week that she was off on Fridays.

Where I work that would be a pattern of absence and if we didn't conform to an attendance improvement plan we'd be out of a job (public sector).

Every week on Fridays for most of a month? Most places would sack you for that. The odd occasion fair enough but frequently and often in patterns? Sounds like she doesn't want to be the working parent tbh.

Even from the original post I thought that the OP was referring to her/his manager in the title of this thread. Then i read this and see where the real problem might be.

I think it's just getting to everyone because it's the same person time after time. One month it was almost every week that she was off on Fridays. The company is very accommodating usually with family commitments etc.

And sometimes there are other things going on in the household - DV? When I was a child my DF was frightening when in one of his jealous rages, usually brought on by DM passing a work exam or getting promoted or being invited to team social event ... DM really couldn't get out of the house on those occasions without fearing for her life. If Facebook had existed DF would have posted to get some sort of twisted pleasure out of making things awkward for DM.

Or they could have money worries. Many years ago .. DP was stay at home parent money was desperately tight and I had to call in sick for 2 days as the car broke down with the carefully budgeted for petrol in it and no money at all for the £15 train journey to the office. We should have had contingency or plan b but at that time in our lives - which was horrendous - there was nothing else I could do.

Whatever the issue, its one for your line manager to raise with her out of concern for her and for the rest of the team.

Hopefully this won't turn into an office bitchfest - it would compounds a DV victims unhappiness, feeling isolated from colleagues and friends - people they may need to confide it. And I can tell you I felt sick with worry, hunger and shame when I got back to work after my 'sickie'.

It's understandable you're all annoyed btw. But do keep an open mind and let the management manage it.

If I was her employer I would be worried as it could be an excuse to mask the real reason (money as Mumbehaving suggested or MH, relationship problems). There have been times when I had to call in sick because of my Dh depresion - he was in no state to be left alone. My employers told everyone that I was off with "a bug" as they thought that I would prefer it that way.

As a co-worker it isn't my problem. I am paid to work and I do that work. Yes a person being off does increase my workload slightly, but if it is a long term issue they put a contingency in place. If it is becoming an issue at your work place and resentment is building up then your employer needs to manage it better.

I'd rather a colleague stay at home in this circumstance as she's likely to be infected too and you don't want to catch it as well. She may have had a run of bad luck with family illnesses.