To think night terrors are not caused by being busy?

[Ineedacleaningfairy]

My toddler has been having the occasional night terror for a while, not very often, a couple of times a month, but when they happen it's horrible, dd doesn't remember but I feel upset seeing her so distraught and especially as there isn't much I can do as she doesn't react to me, she doesn't seem bothered at all in the morning.

I was talking with my mil about dd's night terrors and said how horrible it is to see and how I feel sad she goes through it even if she can't remember, mil said that non of her children had any sleep problems and dd has night terrors because we over stimulate her. We do do something everyday, some days it's just a trip to the park or library or a play group but we sometimes go swimming or to a petting farm or museum, all pretty normal toddler stuff, dd has lots of energy so getting out of the house and burning some energy Is quite important for the smooth running of our day.

Aibu to think that her night terrors are not at all happening because we over stimulate her? The night terrors don't seem to happen more often when we have had a busy day, they seem to coincide with her having a fever/virus (and as she is usually ill when they happen we have usually been at home all day!)

I think this is a case of your MIL thinking you do too much so every single issue your child has will be 'caused' by this according to her.

My PIL were the same with my SIL's kids. Every single issue was because they were over-scheduled.

I have twins. Obviously they did all the same activities as toddlers. One had night terrors and one did not.

They are very distressing to watch but my dd doesn't remember them and grew out of them by about 4 yo.

Your DD's typical day doesn't sound over stimulating to me, BUT I know in the case of my DD she was almost guaranteed to have a night terror on days when she had done something really exciting, especially if it had happened late afternoon/ tea time, and/or she had a late bedtime. So her birthday, for example, or the first night of a holidays. but not a standard day going swimming/ running round the park. YY to when she has a high temperature - those are the ones where she starts spouting gibberish

She's now six and they're much rarer now.

I think you hit the nail on the head mrsterrypratchet, there have been other things blamed on us doing too much. From dp's stories of his childhood his mum spent a huge amount of time cleaning and cooking and he was allowed to play with his siblings and friends around the streets and parks where they lived, but we don't really have that option.

It's interesting to hear about other children's triggers, it's lovely to hear about the terrors decreasing or disappearing!

yes to night terrors when fevered or very hot. I remember my HV warning about that. Try to keep your DD cool when having terrors.

They are horrible to witness. Firstly because it's horrible to see your child distress but also because DD use to say really scary things. One night it was "mummy why is that man staring at me, make him stop, I don't like that man standing in the corner" and repeat. I was fucking shitting myself by the end of the night. I remember another night she was screaming "get them off me, get them off me" and screaming about big spiders. She would then point at my shoulder and scream that they were on me. Now I understand more about night terrors I find it easier to defuse them and know how to watch out for the signs before they get too bad. Those first though were awful. It really was a night full of terrors for us all!

One of mine has terrors and they do tend to be after a lot of excitement a party or lots of people at our house or at the end of the week when tired from a week of nursery. Happened last week - she was convinced there were spiders crawling over her bed and she was terrified.

Interestingly - she is an identical twin and her sister doesn't get them at all.

Jem that is interesting, that they are identical but only one has it, I assumed there was a genetic link as other members of my family had terrors, but maybe there is also some sort of trigger.

Do your children ever remember them in the morning?

Two (out of three) of mine have them, as does DH. There is sometimes a hereditary link to sleep disorders.
Anyway, mine are generally triggered when they get too hot, but sometimes there's just no discernible reason at all. They have lessened as they have got older, thankfully, although as DH still has the occasional one (once a year maybe) I'm not expecting them to totally disappear!

I get them on a regular basis, mostly when I'm stressed or anxious about something. They are absolutely not about being too busy.

Have you tried a bit of light in her room? That helps me.

My DD never remembers in the morning which I guess is a blessing but it always feels weird where you are exhausted after a difficult night and emotionally bruised and yet they are fine!

No, no recollection the following day, which I think is one of the key things to distinguish from a nightmare, which generally a child will be able to recount in the morning.

I also (eventually learned) that physically comforting her during a terror was totally counterproductive - any attempt to stroke/sooth her, or give her her dummy or teddy just escalated the shouting and thrashing. I would only touch her if she was in danger of banging her head.

Both my sons had/have them. Usually when over tired but sometimes not. If we rouse them slightly an hour or two after bed time it seems to stop them.

They never remember them in the morning.

Not sure if yanbu or not.

"Aibu to think that her night terrors are not at all happening because we over stimulate her?"

Dd1 had night terrors, it was absolutely awful. Yes, my theory, purely based on observing her and seeing how she has changed over time, is that she was totally over stimulated. She went to a crappy nursery during that time. When we changed and I reduced my working hours it slowly got better.

Op, may I ask, is your dc pretty easy going during the day? Dd1 was totally easy, hardly any crying during the day, barely any tantrums, but she let all her steam off st night, poor thong and us.

Hope your dc's sleep improves soon.

My son has them too but can't think of a link, it just happens! By the way you sound like an awesome fun mum

I get night terrors and the only trigger for me can be if I sleep in a bed pushed up against the wall. I think I might finally have become a grown up though as I haven't had one since I had dc3. They don't bother me but my dh finds them a bit scary.

You mil is being deeply unfair and is also splendidly wrong with her theory. Ignore her.

DS1 had them on a regular basis, DS2 never had a single one. DS1 had something called Alice in Wonderland syndrome which seemed to be linked to the night terrors. It was awful while it lasted but he grew out of both the night terrors and the visual disturbances.

Ignore your MIL - it's just a thing and they do grow out of it.

My middle DS (age 5) is prone to night terrors and in his case they are almost always due to overtiredness, and sometimes the result of a developing illness (cold, fever etc).

They are getting rarer as he gets older, thankfully, but he still gets the occasional one. You have my sympathies OP, it's horrible seeing your child in the grip of a terror. DS2 is completely disconnected and unaware of our presence when he has one, he literally looks right through us, it's scary.

From what you write your toddler doesn't seem to have an over-stimulating schedule at all - most toddlers benefit hugely from getting out and about to activities every day - so I would agree with others to ignore your MIL. But based on my own experience I'd keep an eye on her sleep, particularly if she's in the process of dropping or cutting down on daytime sleep. I do think overtiredness can contribute massively to night terrors if a child is prone to them.

Mine went through a stage of night terrors and nightmares - it became very clear which was which and their did seem to be a correlation between the Nightmares and the level of excitement in the day, I remember reading something confirming this at the time as well.
The night terrors however were completely random but were always at the same time, the same stage of sleep etc (I did a lot of worried but reassuring reading at the time). It was a great relief when they finally passed. The nightmares were/are a lot easier to deal with.

ds1 had night terrors and while he had absolutely no recollection of them in the morning, they certainly scared the bejesus out of me! He'd come dashing out of his bedroom, wild-eyed with horror and scream, point and gibber at something invisible just behind me. So real was his terror that I found it hard to believe that there wasn't something unimaginably dreadful lurking just out of my sight.

I started noting down the occasions he had night terrors to see if I could find a link but there seemed to be no common factor that would set them off. Certainly, they didn't necessarily follow a very active day. However he did grow out of them a few months after they'd started.