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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give my counsellor a little gift at our final session?

51 replies

NoMoreChocolateBoooooo · 21/05/2015 15:29

Hi. Nc for this as I don't want it linked with my usual NN. I am receiving counselling and only have a few weeks left until the sessions stop. My counsellor is brilliant, she has really helped me over the past 4 weeks and I enjoy our sessions. She said I have made progress and without her I would be in even more of an awful place, mentally.

WIBU to buy her a little thank you gift as a token of my appreciation? I would like to get her something small for helping me, but don't know if she would be allowed to accept it or not? Sorry I know this sound stupid but I was just wondering if it's an ok thing to do. Thanks for any replies.

OP posts:

Original poster

NoMoreChocolateBoooooo · 21/05/2015 19:46

Thanks everyone for replying. Seems the cards are the most valued. I'm quite creative and she knows this, do you think it would odd if I made a card myself, and wrote a little poem/verse in it that I made up myself? Please tell me if this sounds too childish/cringetastic!

OP posts:

cosysocks · 21/05/2015 19:47

I'm a counsellor and a card, a poem or a picture means more than a box of chocolates. I recall in training we were told not to accept gifts as it crosses boundaries. If I receive a gift I will talk about it with a client and if it is of nominal value keep it as it means a lot for the client to give it to you. However I will always leave chocolates etc with the office team etc.

LotsaDots · 21/05/2015 19:54

I'm a counsellor too, your ideas are lovely and your counsellor would probably be touched to receive a card or something you made yourself. lovely idea. however, its not all down to your counsellor, youve obviously worked hard to help yourself, don't forget to treat yourself too

Tutt · 21/05/2015 20:06

OP sounds lovely, I would love something so thoughtful.
Plus what lotsadots says you worked just as hard and deserve a treat too.

yorkshapudding · 21/05/2015 20:36

Your idea of a hand-made card with a poem is lovely, completely appropriate and much more meaningful than chocolates or flowers

CrapBag · 21/05/2015 21:10

Oh you've reminded me that I wanted to make a card for my fantastic counsellor.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/05/2015 21:12

When I worked for SS we weren't allowed to accept anything. In housing I was allowed up to 5 quid.

A nice, homemade card would have been lovely, and acceptable, in either role. I actually love a good card myself and have a few up around the office now. No worry about boundaries as well, which makes the whole thing easier.

for you and your hard work as well.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 21/05/2015 21:37

Gosh, if you are crafty a handmade card sounds better by far than anything you could buy. Personal, meaningful and no ethics issues.

morage · 23/05/2015 11:02

I actually phoned my friend who is a counsellor about this thread. She said tutors on counselling courses do say you shouldn't accept anything at all, but everywhere she has worked, the rules are that it is fine to accept a card and present of nominal value i.e. chocolates, plant.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/05/2015 11:36

I had a course of CBT last year, and wanted to give my therapist something, when it finished, to show her how much I valued her help and advice.

I crochet, so I made a string of five, brightly coloured crochet birds - if she wasn't allowed to keep it for herself, she could have put it up in a consulting room, or in her office, or she could take it home - either way, I hoped it would spread a little happiness, as well as showing her how grateful I was.

PeppermintCrayon · 23/05/2015 14:34

Another trainee counsellor here. I think the tutor's advice is very rigid, but it depends a bit on a) their theoretical approach and b) where they work (e.g. a charity might have specific policies on this).

One thing we've discussed on my training is the fact that rules and boundaries are there to help you and the client, not to placate some kind of invisible therapy police force, and a thank you during the last session is a bit different somehow. You have to judge by the individual client.

If someone is giving you a gift because they feel they've been helped, and they are trying to somehow represent what that help means to them, well, I'm not convinced it's actually a boundary issue.

alwaysstaytoolong · 23/05/2015 17:10

I work in MH and have had lots of little presents over the years - all appreciated even if not (ahem) quite to my taste - I had a service user return to his home country for a holiday and bring me back a small rug with a Kurdish lady embroidered on it. I put it in the office at work and it became quite a talking point!.

Cards with heartfelt messages were always the best and I have kept all of them.

alwaysstaytoolong · 23/05/2015 17:21

That's just reminded me of how accepting gifts etc was often a little different if the person was from a different culture.

I'd been working with a family from a different culture for a few months and during my last session (I was a CPN then so working in their home), the service users wife said they had made a special meal to thank me. The interpreter I was using told me this was a sign of their esteem and the family would be very offended and upset if I declined.

I wasn't hungry at all but of course said that would be lovely and thought it would be nice for us all to share a meal.

Except we didn't. They brought me dish after dish and course after course with no-one else eating but the whole extended family including Grandparents, siblings and several children all crammed into a tiny room to grin at me while watching me eat every single bite!.

Yarp · 23/05/2015 17:25

A homemade card would be lovely.

FinallyHere · 23/05/2015 19:29

I work as a volunteer in an entirely different field.

The cards and letters I have received over the years are very precious. I have kept them all.

Love51 · 23/05/2015 19:44

I worked for a council. All thank you presents (bottle of wine or box of chocs ime) had to be given in and raffled off. It felt a bit kill joy esque.

jeanmiguelfangio · 23/05/2015 19:47

I made a little present for my cbt leader. We were in a group, so I made something little for each of the members of the group. I added a little quote because of what we had discussed during our cbt. It seemed appropriate and everyone loved the thought. I would do it again.

dun1urkin · 23/05/2015 19:53

If it's an NHS service or even if it isn't!you might want to consider a short note / email to the boss as well. You will be able to find contact details on the organisation's website
Often all they will get to hear is criticism or complaints, and it's always great to hear when your staff have done a good job

emwithme · 23/05/2015 22:21

I had CBT last summer and at the last session took my therapist a big box of chocolates (telling her she had the choice whether to share them with the rest of the office or lock herself in a cupboard and eat them all herself) and a card.

I think a candle may be a bit "too much" but you can never go wrong with chocs and a nice card (especially if the chocs are of a kind that are office-shareable, in case they have rules about this kind of thing)

Silverdaisy · 23/05/2015 22:32

It is generally frowned upon to receive gifts from clients. Your progress will be enough for her, that is why she trained to do the job. It is lovely that you have felt the counselling worth while and of benefit. X

morage · 26/05/2015 11:19

Silverdaisy, it really isn't. Some chocolates and a card is perfectly acceptable.

sugarman · 26/05/2015 11:24

I did give the occasional gift including a voucher and it wasn't declined.

Jetgir1 · 26/05/2015 11:37

I would imagine flowers would stay in the office, chocs shared around. Cards I think would mean the most. I can't imagine a therapist accepting anything beyond flowers/chocs.

CrystalCove · 26/05/2015 11:54

It is generally frowned upon to receive gifts from clients

In what cicrumstances are you talking about Silver? Ive worked in the NHS and its not frowned on where I have worked. Im a Psychiatric Nurse working as a Nurse Therapist and as long as its something like flowers, chocolates etc its not frowned on at all. Obviously if it was anything more expensive than than I wouldnt be able to accept it but I would be able to have adiscussion with my patient what that was about.

But like people have said here its the cards that mean something to me the most (presents are lovely to but never expected and always appreciated), Ive got all of mine. OP your idea of a home made card is spot on, Ive got one from a patient and I certianly never thought it cringey!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/05/2015 12:07

I made sure that the gift I gave my therapist was one that could be shared more generally if she couldn't accept it for herself. The hospital where I had my therapy had art done by patients up on its walls, so I made the assumption that something I'd made could go up there too - if my therapist wanted it to.

Whether she kept the gift for herself (it was a string of colourful crochet birds) or hung it up in one of the general areas of the hospital, I hoped that, when she saw it, she'd be reminded of how grateful I was for her kindness and for the help she had given me.

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