to let my self-esteem take a hit for hanging out with ds friends parents/carers

[idontlikeparks]

My ds is an only child and is 4 so needs to be around other kids but obviously he cannot go off and call for friends just yet. So we go to the park a fair bit and hang out with people who live near us alot, in particular a specific group of people as he's become close to their kids. Some of my genuine friends and people I really enjoy chatting to, he doesn't get on with their kids (or it's the whole girl/boy dynamic and he gets left out of girl's games) so will pull me away or it means that I can't see them when he's around.

Subsequently I spend a reasonable amount of my time with people I wouldn't choose to hang out with. It's dawning on me I've spent a lot of time getting to know and spending time with various people in this particular group only for time and time again for some of the women to be quite bitchy in an underhand way and leave me out of things - birthdays etc. Or just not wish me well if I'm doing something or have experienced something but will rally round anyone else. And seemingly make a large point of letting me know. But still I'm chatting to them in park and hearing all their news as I don't want to jeapordise my ds's friendships. And want to keep things smooth for him.

If my ds didn't get on so much with their kids I'd leave them to it, and wouldn't think much more about it - friendships come and go etc I'd move on. And yes, I understand increasingly the kids will just be dropped off with one another to play. But I can see that I've a few more years ahead of me (unless school changes everything or I get a f/t job) and I sometimes feel a bit bleak about this. And being repeatedly left out (even though I acknowledge there are differences etc) and communicated in capital letters as such is as I said in subject is affecting me, a couple of women seem to take pleasure in letting me know they don't want to include me. I'm at a bit of a loss. Any advice?

Why are you bothered about being left out by people you admit you would not choose to hang around with?
Your feeling of not really liking them must come across,..so they let you know by not including you!

You don't have to get involved,.. just chat while your children play and then leave it!

Subsequently I spend a reasonable amount of my time with people I wouldn't choose to hang out with.

you don't like them, they don't like you, seems pretty fair to me.

To be honest, I don't get why you want your children to be friendly with theirs, either.

To be honest, it sounds like they’re just some ladies you have a chat with in the park while your kids are playing. It’s not bitchy for some of them to be better friends with each other than they are with you. If you think you get along with some of them and want to be better friends, then I guess inviting them to do stuff with you outside the group is a start. But if you don’t then I wouldn’t worry about it.

Just look forward to the time when you don't have to bother, and he can make his own friends. Presumably he will be starting school in September? Not long now.

Something similar is why I ended up moving country when my dd was four. When your child's friendships depend on your friendship with their friend's parents, things can go very skeewiff. I was living in a place with a lot of very dangerous roads and moved to a place where my dd could just go out the door and play, end of.

When my 4-year old plays with other kids, I spend a little time talking to the parents but would certainly not expect to be friend with them (or them with me) just because our kids are.

Also just because your kid is not playing with your friends kids, it doesn't mean you has to stop seeing your friends.

Why would this bother you? They might all be actual friends, whereas you are just a casual friend. I have a number of friends like that who I hang with at the park, and yes they treat me differently but likewise I treat them differently to my friends. I would just not take it personally.

I would also continue to take son with my friends even if he isn't that close to their kids. They work it out as they get older.

Ingridcold - thank you, fair point! Things will shift with school.
Coyoacan - thanks, agreed it's the skeewiff thing I worry about.

Everyone else, hmmm....... I kindof get it, why am I bothered? I feel people are a bit harsh. But it's a bit more nuanced. Partly because I it's not just hanging out in parks, they're on my road, it's geography. And it's partly I was much closer in friendship initially but groups shift about anyhow and I kindof got pushed out. But I'm seeing them all the time via kids. So I was close but am not now.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that pre-kid I had much more control over my time and seeing people who I liked and liked me. And I just wondered if anyone else found it tricky.

But, yeah, I guess the message is 'man up', don't worry. Maybe just persist in trying to get him to playdates that suit me.