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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think, if you buy a house with your partner while you are in fact in another relationship with someone else, your partner should be able to sue you!

46 replies

patienceisvirtuous · 21/05/2015 08:48

For something like getting them to enter into a contractual agreement under false pretences?!

I know you probably can't... but you should be able to!

Long back story, but someone I know is now stuck with a house and mortgage with a cheating b*stard who is refusing to sell/rent out etc.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 21/05/2015 10:00

and it's not 6 years - it's just not - 2 maximum under extreme circumstances ie bankruptcy.

totally wrong. Please see point 3.

www.experian.co.uk/consumer/credit-education/common-credit-myths.html

Newbrummie · 21/05/2015 10:03

That might be the party line it's not the reality ... You'll just have to take my word on that.

patienceisvirtuous · 21/05/2015 10:03

Friend not taking legal advice right now - she's put off by the costs (her job isn't particulary high paid and expensive legal fees would cripple her).

She's trying to reach an amicable solution with her ex now, but he is making that very difficult. He said he doesn't want to cut ties with her and wants to keep her in his life.

He is deplorable.

Back story is, he was my partner. We were together nearly four years, lived together etc. Two years into our relationship he started another relationship (unbeknown to me obv) and proceeded to lead a double life (including buying a house with his new DP) until I found out and ended it (we lived together but didn't co-own thankfully!) The friend in question is the woman he started the new relationship with.

He has deceived her in the same way he did with me. She contacted me to corroborate dates and is obviously distraught that the first two years of her relationship were based on a complete lie. They've been together four years now.

I'm not involved at all, just a listening ear for her, and showed support as in 'he did the same to me'. I advised her to seek legal advice.

After I found out about the double life etc, he did some terrible things to prevent me from telling his new DP and ruining his new set-up. Although I did try to tell her, she never got to find out.

I had a nervous breakdown after the whole horrible saga (this was two years ago now - and I'm happy to report I got my life together and I'm really happy now).

However, I'm furious that he has in fact shat all over some other poor innocent woman's life, causing her immense stress (which I can fully empathise with) and seemingly get off scott free, able to do it all over again if he wishes.

His exP asked if I would mind if she could keep in touch with me. She found it comforting to speak to someone who has been through the same thing. I said that is fine, although I plan on keeping out of it obviously.

He is a bloody criminal and I feel awful for her.

OP posts:
Newbrummie · 21/05/2015 10:09

That tale is very familiar, tell her to thank god every day she didn't have children with the man

patienceisvirtuous · 21/05/2015 10:09

Just to confirm, he has cheated on her again, that is why they've broken up.

And now she has learned that for the first two years of her relationship with him (which includes the period when they bought a house together) he was in a relationship with me.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 21/05/2015 10:10

That might be the party line it's not the reality ... You'll just have to take my word on that.

I'm afraid I won't be taking your word on that. I know plenty of people who have been refused mortgages / credit because of debt WELL over 2 years old. My husband, included!

It certainly isn't the reality. Pop over to the Money Saving Expert forum and skim through the "credit rating", "loans", an "mortgage" boards for multiple examples.

patienceisvirtuous · 21/05/2015 10:10

Yes, neither of us did, although we were trying when we were together!

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 21/05/2015 10:12

*Just to confirm, he has cheated on her again, that is why they've broken up.

And now she has learned that for the first two years of her relationship with him (which includes the period when they bought a house together) he was in a relationship with me.*

eh????? Shock

19lottie82 · 21/05/2015 10:14

So neither you or this guys partner knew he was seeing both of you?

DazzleU · 21/05/2015 10:17

My friend didn't have to go down Collaborate route of forcing a sale- they both wanted to sell but housing market tanked took that long to find buyers and in meantime ex just didn't think he had to pay the mortgage and claimed couldn't afford to move out till he got money from the sale.

You sound very nice OP - I don't think I'd be capable of offering a sympathetic ear in similar circumstances - I think I'd want to run away from whole thing.

patienceisvirtuous · 21/05/2015 10:19

No, neither of us knew. I was there first for a couple of years (eighteen months to be precise) but we were both completely in the dark/innocent.

Then I found out... (that he'd been leading a double life for two years/had a mortgage with another woman) and we split up immediately, obviously.

So this poor girl entered into a mortgage with him, while he was in a relationship/living with me.

He is a terrible person :(

OP posts:
patienceisvirtuous · 21/05/2015 10:20

Unfortunately she can't just cut ties like I did because of the mortgage. It seems bloody criminal he can get away with it.

OP posts:
patienceisvirtuous · 21/05/2015 10:21

Dazzle, it's only now, with two years distance that I can.

OP posts:
patienceisvirtuous · 21/05/2015 10:24

I might point her in the direction of Mumsnet actually, was a bloody godsend for me when I went through it all.

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DazzleU · 21/05/2015 10:26

Even with two years gone still think it bloody nice and very grown up of you.

You right though - she needs legal advice if she can't get him to agree a sale - price to sell hope its a good market and cut her loses as soon as she can.

Jessica2point0 · 21/05/2015 10:40

Some solicitors offer a free half hour first (to try to tempt you in), so she could try to find one of those and get as much advice as she can in her 30 mins.

LurcioAgain · 21/05/2015 10:43

Patience - just wanted to know I knew someone like your ex - only a woman. I ended up quite good friends with a couple of the blokes she'd shat on, both of whom (with the benefit of hindsight and a bit of distance from the situation) got on with each other very well. They actually used to joke about setting up an "N's ex partners' support group." She was onto about the 4th time round of doing this when I got to know them. (Just to reassure other posters that there really are people this bad out there!)

I know she's said she can't afford lawyers, but it sounds like she really needs one. I'd show her collaborate's post up thread, and see if you can give her a hand phoning round local solicitors to see if any of them will take this on on a no-win, no-fee basis or have fixed rates for this sort of work.

Collaborate · 21/05/2015 11:11

The cheapest would be to get the solicitor to draw up the court application and supporting statement, then let the friend handle it from there. She could dip in and out of the solicitors for advice as and when she needs it, but perhaps even the solicitor would be willing to take their costs at the end of the case subject to getting security over the house.

Newbrummie · 21/05/2015 12:09

Do these people ever get their comeuppance ? I keep waiting for karma but frankly I'm loosing faith

patienceisvirtuous · 21/05/2015 12:43

Collaborate thanks for the sound advice at 9.37am, am just catching up now!

Newbrummie It seems not. My ex seems to have got off scott free again. I think he's a sociopath.

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LurcioAgain · 21/05/2015 13:13

I think karma did catch up with N (mentioned in my post above). We were in the same branch of science, and, as early career academics do, she moved around a lot. Her MO was always the same - move to new job, target new bloke, spin outgoing bloke a line about "You're the one I really love, but I'm infatuated with new bloke, just give me time to get over it", spin new bloke a line about "You're the one I really love, but you have to give me time to let old bloke down gently", then get her jollies from watching the two of them do the "pick me dance". But last time she tried it, new bloke was a very senior academic with a long track record of marrying his postgrads/postdocs, then divorcing them when someone newer and younger came along. I think N was trying to displace wife number 3. So I like to think that this was very likely to be a case of "the biter, bit!" Here's hoping karma gets your ex too (not that I believe in karma, seen too many nice people have complete shit happen to them, but one can always hope).

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