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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dh 54, OW, terrible sleep apnea

14 replies

valrhona · 21/05/2015 02:31

Will not exercise, diet, consider he has any issue

He's too busy/no money

All bullshit

AIBU to stop "nagging" and just bump up the insurance??

Fed up.

OP posts:

snowglobemouse · 21/05/2015 02:33

what insurance? what's OW? other woman? what's that got to do with sleep apnoea?

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 21/05/2015 02:36

Overweight presumably.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 21/05/2015 02:38

Due to spelling of apnoea and mention of insurance I'm thinking the OP is from the US perhaps? Though maybe she thinks he'll drop dead from sleep apnoea-related conditions or the apnoea itself and it's life insurance she's talking about...

snowglobemouse · 21/05/2015 02:41

Oh overweight makes more sense.

I'm not sure what the insurance thing is about OP but yanbu to be annoyed if he won't take responsibility for his health

AnImpalaCalledBABY · 21/05/2015 03:15

Does he realise how serious a condition it is?

A close family member of mine died suddenly in his sleep from it and it was such a shock because we hadn't realised how life threatening it was, in fact the snoring/nodding off all the time was always seen as either a bit of a joke or a nuisance

He is being very irresponsible but there is little you can do if he won't help himself

AnImpalaCalledBABY · 21/05/2015 03:15

Does he realise how serious a condition it is? Does he have a cpap machine?

He is being very irresponsible but there is little you can do if he won't help himself

NRomanoff · 21/05/2015 06:19

Unfortunately there is little you can do, if he won't. Had he spoken to a medical professional who has outlined exactly what will happen?

Simple fact is that it doesn't cost money or time to lose weight. He could shift some by just cutting down eating. If he is very overweight, he doesn't have to make time for walking or joining a gym straight away. So yes its bullshit.

I am sorry OP, must be awful to watch him do this. I convinced dh to stop smoking because I reminded him that if he got cancer and died, I would be the one suffering the consequences. I would have to pull the kids through the grief, the loss, the growing up without a father. He wouldn't like it if I risked ny life.

Have you tried something like that?

Booboostoo · 21/05/2015 06:34

Why won't he address the apnea issue? Has he been assessed at a sleep clinic? An oxygen mask could alleviate the apnea regardless of the weight issue. He should not ignore the apnea, in severe cases it can cause heart problems, brain damage and even death.

As for the weight, is he motivated to lose weight? What has he tried? It is very difficult to watch someone you love engage in self-destructive activities but I don't know what to advise you as these things usually have very complex psychological causes.

emms1981 · 21/05/2015 10:57

Is he depressed? My dh is over weight, has problems breathing when sleeping, snores loudly to the point where I have to go to bed first or I won't sleep, has a bad back. I pointed out that he needed to lose weight or nothing would improve.
He was depressed and going round in circles. Eating because he was low and low because he's fat. Only they can sort it out all you can do is point out the harm he's doing. My dh has lost a stone but has about 4 to go.

WalterMittyish · 21/05/2015 11:13

I thought from the thread title that the mistress was complaining about the snoring

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 21/05/2015 11:27

I was wondering what an other woman had to do with sleep apnoea .

OP YANBU about that, he does need to do something about it. Being overweight won't help either but you can't force him to do anything, it has to come from him and if he refuses to do anything I don't know what you can do.

Sorry, not very helpful. Hopefully someone will be able to help.

CMOTDibbler · 21/05/2015 11:33

Well, he can ignore it and die early from a car crash (untreated OSA has more effect on your driving than being over the alcohol limit), a stroke, a heart attack, or one of the many other effects of not treating his OSA.

Or he can do the very small thing of using a CPAP machine every night which will make him feel immediatly a lot better, stop him snoring, and keep him alive for longer. Tell him its his choice.

BTW, losing weight with untreated OSA is very, very hard as it affects leptin levels, and the exhaustion makes exercise hard - so he needs cpap first, then work on the other things.

MitzyLeFrouf · 21/05/2015 11:34

Do you have a spare room he can decamp to? If he's happy to stick his head in the sand over a potentially life threatening condition such as sleep apnea the least he can do is take his snoring elsewhere.

TheAnalyst · 22/05/2015 06:32

I have OSA and it took me a long while to realise that it was the thing that was making me feel so terrible, get random headaches and fall asleep mid-conversation.

Your DH needs to get help before he gets to the point I got to - and get a CPAP machine. It hasn't revolutionised my life, but it has improved it considerably.

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