To ask how you deal with people like this?

[KayEffCee]

I am going out to lunch with 4 friends tomorrow. I have turned down the last few invites out with this particular group of friends as one friend, I'll call her A, is constantly moaning about normal things that all of us have to put up with in life (work, kids, housework), and creating dramas out of absolutely nothing.

We are all expected to sit in silence and listen to her stories and moans, and to be completely sympathetic. She talks loudly and very quickly, and it is hard to get a word in at all. If anyone says anything about themselves she will quickly shoot them down about how things are so much worse or harder for her. If any of us try to talk in smaller sub groups she butts in. She is spoilt by her parents and they treat her like a princess, so I assume she expects that treatment from everyone.

I have met up separately with one other friend from that group, who agrees with me that she is a conversation hog and very dramatic.

So, is there any way to deal with her tomorrow? Or am I better off accepting that that particular group of mates isn't going to work for me in a group format, and to go to work tomorrow instead?

Oh dear that sounds v annoying! I think you need to ask yourself whether her behaviour is due to issues that should be indulged (compensating for lack of confidence/self-esteem) or ones that should be challenged.

I think it's the latter, Thetrick, but I don't know if I can really be arsed to challenge her. She is the type of person who, if challenged, would turn it into more attention seeking and would be incredulous that someone didn't want to listen to her all the time.

Oh I'd just go to work, honestly, I'd enjoy that much more than spending my lunch with a self obsessed rude gob on legs. Fuck that, no lunch time glass of wine is worth that.

Just state 'oh god not more dramas for you, you must be exhausted!' And change the subject to a more common one.

'So where are you all going for your family holidays this year?'

That should send a short sharp message to her.

kay I know someone like this too sounds very similar, also v spoilt by parents and thinks she is the princess royal .

I have no advice except she said her boss was investigated for being horrid to her, I couldn't but help inwardly have a naughty grin, I imagine her boss had a gut full of it all.

Well then I think you have your answer :) all you can do is control what YOU do - so leave her to herself, or to other friends who can still put up with it. It doesn't sound like you get enough out of it, even if a lunch time glass of wine is worth quite a lot!

what initially made you friends with 'a'?

If that thing is still important and overrides her drama queen tendencies then continue with the friendship or cull it if her friendship doesn't mean that much.

Friendships and people change - cull the ones that don't work - not dramatic but life is too short to spend your free time with energy thieves

I've never had an individual friendship with A as such, another friend started bringing her along to our meets years ago.

Well I decided not to go and am now at work instead!