To say I think this is selfish (trivial and a bit petty)

[Trivial99]

A friend of mine, who used to be a close friend and now lives a long way away, asked me a few months ago if she could stay with me on her way to an exam - the exam centre is near me. I said I'd love to see her and catch up, but I said I couldn't get off work until 4 or 5 the day she was coming, so we'd see each other in the evening.

This friend got married roughly when I got divorced, and she's never actually asked me how I'm doing or mentioned the divorce after the first time I told her - partly because she was wedding planning, but I admit I'm a bit hurt that now, several months on, she hasn't once checked in to see how I'm doing. I admit, I'd put this down to the distance and the fact she'd been in the middle of getting married.

One of her friends, who's someone I know but am not close to, lives in my town. He's made it pretty clear he's not interested in being friendly (we disagree on various things and just don't hit off very well). Now she's suggested we all go out for dinner, and I replied saying I didn't feel especially keen. I know she has time to see him while I'm at work, and I wanted to catch up. She seems to have interpreted this as me saying 'I don't want to come out for dinner so you should go see him on your own'.

She feels I'm being a bad host. I feel she's being inconsiderate. I am 99% sure I'm right, but please tell me what you think?

Is this other friend at work in the day too? That could be why she's thought she'd kill two birds with one stone.

Can you not sit through the meal on this one occasion? As its rare?

Thinking about my nemesis (we also share a friend) I'd rather sit my bare arse on a chair of hot coals than have dinner with her

Does she know you 2 don't get on?

I'd say she is being a little inconsiderate (without knowing if she knows you don't get on). She's supposed to be staying with you and you are good enough to out her up because you conveniently live near where she needs to go. I can't see why you are being a bad host because you don't want to go out and meet with someone else. Have you asked her if she can meet him during the day? Maybe he is at work too?

No - she can see him while I'm at work.

I could perfectly well sit through a meal, and I would, but all I have done is to say I didn't feel keen.

I don't particularly loathe this person, but he is someone who has been quite unpleasant, and I know it would mean I couldn't talk to her except in small talk.

Sorry, cross post. crap, I said in the OP - she could see him while I'm at work. He'd be around.

I don't think she does know I don't like him, except that I've now said I'm not keen.

It's not that much the point, though - I feel hurt that she's asked me to put her up, and had talked about catching up, and I had thought this might be a time she'd talk to me about what's been going on in my life. That sounds very self-centred, but I do feel a bit confused she's not mentioned it at all.

I guess from her point of view she is trying to kill 2 birds with 1 stone and whilst she is in the area she thought she'd catch up with you both.

I have a friend who has moved away. When she visits she has to see as many people as possible and everything has to be done with inviting everyone to everything. I'd never get to see her on my own which I'd like sometimes so from your point of view I get that but from hers, she didn't know that you didn't like him and saw it as a chance to socialise with you both. I don't think she did anything wrong there but her response is off given how you are doing her a favour by putting her up.

I guess it's up to you how you deal with it now. If you still agree to her coming I think it's going to be awkward and from the sounds of it she is going to meet him anyway so I'm guessing you are going to feel resentful or you'll end up tagging along and still feel resentful because you don't actually want to go (which is fair enough, I wouldn't either).