Personal questions about money...

[MuffinToppedTrousers]

On Friday I got news that I have been offered a new job and I told my mum and dad today when I popped around for a coffee.

My dad asked what the salary would be and how that would stack up with our finances (plans to pay off mortgage, plans to retire etc.). I told him.

My mum was shocked and appalled that (1) my dad asked about the salary and our finances in general and (2) that I answered openly and honestly.

I told her she was BU and if I didn't want my dad to know I'd have told him to mind his own business. But she's adamant that I'm BU to even consider discussing finances with anyone but DH and even went as far as to say that I was being 'disrespectful' of DH by talking about it.

She's now in a massive huff with me- she's usually very rational and sane and lovely.

Please reassure me that I'm not BU am I? Or is it a massive faux pas to talk about finances? Mum and dad are still my family, it's not like I announced it in the pub over the karaoke machine or anthing.

I don't discuss money with my parents, but only because my mum will grumble about how much things cost. If she didn't do that, I wouldn't mind sharing that information. My family tend to be quite secretive about actual figures, I don't know what my siblings earn but we'll be open about not being able to afford certain things so I guess that gives some idea. I would actually prefer to be more open about it as we often organise joint/shared activities and it would be easier if we all knew where we stood.

LifeofBriony I don't discuss finances much with friends at all, but if one of them has bought a house I always look up the price anyway 'cos I'm nosy

Congratulations on your new job :)
If you are happy to discuss your salary, then it's no problem. Your salary, up to you who you share it with.
I stopped sharing financial details with PIL many years ago, as they seemed obsessed - every week when they phoned they used to ask how much we earned. A bit weird IMHO, especially as the amount didn't change much year on year.
The only thing I would add is that if people know your income, they could potentially be judgemental as to what you can and can't afford. But you would know if your dad was likely to do this!

I don't get the whole secrecy around this. I have always been one of these people who would happily ask and answer questions about finances. On meeting dh though i've realised it's not quite the done thing so have reined it in a bit. I do find it useful at work though to be a bit forthright, I once got a promotion along with two men at the same level. I got no pay rise, they both got one. I only found this out because I asked them and then was able to go and negotiate a pay rise off the back of that. Being nosey pays sometimes!

lifeof, exactly! They taught us to wipe our bottoms, eat with cutlery, behave, the importance of education, riding a bike and learning ro drive: why not finance?!
Tt one point I read a book called 'a smart woman's guide to money' or something along those lines. I found it very useful and interesting, and I was discussing it over coffee with my girlfriends. It was like I struk them over the head with something: what? DH looks after the finances! That's just boring etc etc etc.

I tried to talk to them about pensions, savings, shares etc, the tips the author was giving and the explanations- was met with 'do you know what, I've never even thought about it'. It got them thinking. But basically, I feel we've been deliberatly been kept in the dark by using a complicated language. So we did something about it.
Women are much better at budgeting and finance in general. Because for us it's not a game we play at the office, we understand it's our and other's livelihood.

I'm guessing it's a generational thing.

I frequently discuss finances with friends and family, thus I can tell you how much friends houses cost to buy, how much they are to rent, their wage per hour for some that I know or salary for others, I know how much pensions or savings others have etc. I know the outstanding amount on my dads mortgage.

If you're the type that never discusses such things that will seem weird. If you have as close friends and family as I do, then it's quite normal.

I couldn't discuss finances with my DM,- she lives very frugal and wont pay for , tv or broadband package, no mobile,no eating out, no alchohol, doesnt drive so no car etc,hardly every buys clothes- She would have a fit at my monthly outgoings!!!
I know is nothing really to do with her, but my brother lives the same way as her, -he wont even pay for a tv licence, buys everything 2nd hand and dresses like a 'scruff', even tho he is a school teacher and Dm is always saying he should have mega money as doesnt spend it, but thinks I spend too much, so now I wont tell her anything and I dont dictate to my DC either!

I think it's fine to discuss within the close family, but I wouldn't discuss with dc. My ds has come home from school a couple of times and told me exactly how much a couple of his friends' parents earn. I find that a little odd!

DH openly discussed his salary and savings/assets/investments with his parents, especially his dad, and I've been fine with that up until fairly recently. Too many slightly uncomfortable comments have built up and they seemed a little too interested for my taste. I've now asked DH to avoid discussing our finances with them.

Our neighbour, who is their age (and we are about the age of his children) has told us on at least two occasions how much his son earns. I'm not entirely sure his son would be happy with that!

We're in our early forties now and I think the time has passed for discussing this with parents, unless you are really close/it is a genuinely useful conversation. I guess I would find it normal to discuss my son's finances with him as his is finding his way (twenties and maybe early thirties) and wants advice/opinions but not so much after that. I really don't think there are hard and fast rules for it - depends on the individuals involved.

Anyway, if your mum is annoyed with anyone it should be your Dad not you.