To feel unsupported

[HFarnsworth]

I'm maybe just moaning here, so please say.

I work FT and my DP is PT. We live in quite a remote place so I do a lot of commuting, and at the weekend I had to take my two DCs for an appointment so that meant more commuting on a Saturday. We had arranged to go to the local pub with the children for tea, but by the time we got home I was utterly shattered having driven all day and having had a very busy week (DP had a bit of a bug early in the week so I had to be nursemaid as well), so I said to DP I was too tired to go out. DP then stated that taking both DCs alone was too much, that only one could come. DP then started saying things to our youngest DC like 'it's such a shame you can't go out' and 'why don't you go ask why you can't come with us.' DC2 got very upset so I ended up caving and going too, but felt so wrecked and annoyed it was all I could do to eat, let alone speak.

I have had a fairly stressful time lately, with a big job change. I haven't had a break from work for about four years due to using all my holidays for childcare, and have been on antidepressants for about six months, which DP knows.

AIBU to expect a bit more support?

YANBU. He should not have used the children to guilt you into coming along if you did not feel up to it. Why could he not take them both on his own? You took them to the appointment on your own earlier!

How old are the children?

Is there time in the week when your DP gets time to himself if/when they're at school?

Also, does he use his holidays for childcare too?

YANBU

I'm a SAHM and DH works FT, and he is more capable and supportive than your 'D'P by a long, long way.

MissPenelopeLumawoo

Sorry, we were both with the DCs for their appointment (although I did all the driving and nappy changes). DP hangs onto holidays and takes longer breaks.

SaucyJack

They are pre school. DP doesn't really get any time alone during the day until I come home. I try to do as much as I can, such as hanging out clothes or emptying the dishwasher before I go to work, and I always get up with the DCs at the weekend so DP gets lie-ins.

I just feel fairly low right now. I had to leave a job I liked in order not to lose earnings, and most of close friends were at this job. We live in a very remote place so childcare is not easy.

Why is your DP the one getting all the lie ins? I don't understand why they are so ineffectual and need you to prop them up?

DP does work hard, but I feel more and more as if all the responsibility is coming to me, and there has been no real accommodation or attempt at understanding since my depression was diagnosed. All that has happened since I started on my medication is that more and more has been piled on top of me, and whenever I try to draw something back I get met with something like what happened at the weekend.

You shouldn't be trying to compensate for working full time when you get home.

Your dp is selfish taking all the lie ins. You should t be expected to bear the brunt of parenting where there is two of you.

It's all about give and take. He is taking more than he should and quite rightly you're getting fed up.

"DP then started saying things to our youngest DC like 'it's such a shame you can't go out' and 'why don't you go ask why you can't come with us.'"

What a mean and dreary thing to do! I'd have been furious. Sounds to me like you're overdoing things. That won't help with the depression. It would be nice if your dp could step up to the plate a bit more.

Just the fact that he deliberately upset one of your children to get at you is really twisted.