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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Taking baby with chickenpox to my wedding.

67 replies

Raiderhead · 18/05/2015 10:41

Help! My one year old has just got spots today (suspect chickenpox) and I'm getting married on Saturday! Do I take him with us to the ceremony or hire a babysitter and have him miss out?

OP posts:

RolyPolierThanThou · 18/05/2015 11:42

Anyone in the early (pre announcing) stages of pregnancy would not thank you for putting them in the vicinity of chicken pox.

I am not immune so even of if just barely scabbed over I'd not enjoy your wedding and would leave. And be annoyed at you for having to do so without notice.

Its too much of a close shave so youd be better off looking for childcare just in casr and do photos another day.

Chocolatefudgebrownieicecream · 18/05/2015 11:43

Oh OP how annoying for you. I was worried this would happen to me and stressed for ages. The 1 yr old won't remember but would have a lovely day if they can get there... And for us and I presume you, you really would like to have your memories of your child with you on your wedding day.
I really hope the spots scab over and you get to go... But if not is it possible to get DC in their outfit and play with them at home while you get ready and then nip back the two of you to see them and take a family picture in your outfits and have a little play.,. You could make it into a little personal event of your DH carrying you over the threshold.

Totality22 · 18/05/2015 11:47

I've never had CP and I tend to be very careful around it. I wouldn't go to a wedding with a child who has CP (although I'd fully expect for bride to have her own child at her wedding). Therein lies the issue for me though, you don't know who has or hasn't had CP? Also there could be someone in early pregnancy who hasn't yet announced it? Any young babies in attendance?

I had this issue a few weeks back and didn't attend a kids party as one of the guests had CP and I didn't think it was worth the risk to me or my 3mo DC

whatsagoodusername · 18/05/2015 11:51

Arrange a babysitter, inform everyone there is a possibility that you will take a scabbed-over DS, and hope for the best.

Ideally, a babysitter who will be willing to come along to the wedding and take DS home after a bit because he will probably get cranky.

crazypuglady · 18/05/2015 11:56

I have canwe but that's not the point. The parents didn't know that but did know I was pregnant as they'd seen me before. And although the risk is small it's still a risk so my employer had to send me home as a duty of care to me and my baby.

Alongside that I didn't actually know how severe the risk was so after being informed of being sent home due to the risk of contagious disease I sat in my car waiting for my midwife to phone me back sobbing that someone had put me in that position. Not fair at all.

Moreisnnogedag · 18/05/2015 11:56

Oh what a shame! I would say prepare to not take him and decide on the Friday night. You'll have to be very dispassionate when checking to see if all spots have scabbed over - on Saturday morning it will be too tempting to reckon that one little weepy spot doesn't matter in all the excitement.

Moreisnnogedag · 18/05/2015 12:02

jar can I ask where that guidance is from? I've just looked and all sites still saying the usual contagious advice.

Ineedacleaningfairy · 18/05/2015 12:08

The chance is high that he will be fine by Saturday albeit a little spotty but not contagious, if probably send an e-mail or text to all your guests just saying that he's got chickenpox but should be ok by Saturday but if anyone is worried they maybe should stay away. If his spots have not crusted over and there are going to be people working at the wedding it's probably best to get a babysitter although if imagine that would be pretty hard as the people close to your child will be at the wedding!

5madthings when were your dc exposed? I have heard that if you get the chicken pox vaccination within 5 days of exposure there is a good chance that the child won't get chickenpox, would that be an option for you?

UnacceptableWidge · 18/05/2015 12:11

I don't know what you should do Raiderhead it would probably be best to get a babysitter, especially if your little one is unwell.
Itching, broken sleep? Can't be fun and probably won't be their normal self.
Will be a long day for a poorly baby.

I'd imagine a babysitter will be hard to come by though? Who could you reasonably ask?????
Parents won't be willing to miss seeing you/the groom wed.
Close friends and family will be invited and likely unwilling to miss the occasion.

The more pressing issue may well be who could possibly look after DS?
If there is anyone or you can hire someone. I would do that unless you inform all your guests and staff at wedding and are happy for people to decide to stay away

UnacceptableWidge · 18/05/2015 12:13

Meant to add.

HE won't miss out. Can you remember any event when you were one?

TakeMeUpNorthMountain · 18/05/2015 12:15

I contracted chicken pox when pregnant with my third baby. All ended fine but it was an unbelievably stressful pregnancy with loads of extra scans, appointments with consultants etc.

Please leave your baby at home on Saturday.

All the best for your wedding!

5madthings · 18/05/2015 12:17

Oh is that true re the vaccine, it's been six to eight days though. Plus no idea where I could get the vaccine. I have asked at gp surgery re getting it privately but they looked at me like I was mad . Butif they haven't had it by the time they are teens I will sort out vaccinating privately. I am amazed they haven't had it as they have come into contact with it so many times, when Ds4 was at pre school literally everywhere child got it over a two month period yet Ds4 didn't! My elder three have all had, each at a separate time they never passed it to each other!

I am just keeping my fingers crossed they wait til after the 28th may if they do get it!

Tonberry · 18/05/2015 12:19

If baby is scabbed over he doesn't need to stay home.

NHS guidelines say it usually takes 5-6 days to scab over and that you're no long infectious once this happens.

Original poster

Raiderhead · 18/05/2015 12:20

Thanks for all your help. Think we'll plan to keep him at home with babysitter and cross our fingers over the next few days!

OP posts:

AwayAndRunUpMaHumf · 18/05/2015 12:27

The baby won't be contagious after the last spot has scabbed over. Realistically the spots will probably take 4 or 5 days to all appear, never mind scab over. I'd hire a babysitter.

WaxyBean · 18/05/2015 12:43

I'm in a different camp. Do you want your child there? If so, let the guests know and make their own decision on whether to attend. The risk to staff is probably v low as they are unlikely to be in direct contact with your child and if you were so inclined you could also warn the venue.

youngestisapyscho · 18/05/2015 12:46

I was pregnant when my DD had chicken pox.. doctor told me it was fine, no risk to pregnant women.

youngestisapyscho · 18/05/2015 12:47

That saying, my DH, who had never had chicken pox, had a terrible dose of it.. he was in bed for days and you couldn't see any skin for spots!

sparkysparkysparky · 18/05/2015 12:53

I'm so sorry you have found yourself in this dilemma. But I must tell you that chicken pox for adults is absolutely hellish. Even if they aren't immuno-compromised. Do you want your wedding day remembered as the 'chicken pox wedding '.

Iggi999 · 18/05/2015 12:57

How can a doctor have said chickenpox is not a risk to pg women? When my da had it and I was pg I was sent in urgently to have a blood test to confirm I was immune. Though I've also heard a doctor say whooping cough wasn't dangerous to an unvaccinated baby, so I don't know why I'm surprised...

"The chickenpox wedding" - sounds like a plot almost used in Game of Thrones!

Bogeyface · 18/05/2015 13:00

5madthings

They may be immune to CP. They could well have picked it up before in a mild enough dose to not come out in spots, but enough to trigger immunity. According to info online 70 to 90% of people who say they have never had CP have immunity for this reason.

Iggi999 · 18/05/2015 13:01

What "precautions" would you expect a potentially pregnant young waitress to take at this wedding? I would doubt any would feel able to say they couldn't work that day. And if enough did, there'd be no reception anyway.

Bogeyface · 18/05/2015 13:01

I should add that DS didnt seem to get CP when his sister had it, and hasnt since despite being exposed to it many times. I wouldnt be surprised to find that he is immune, and in fact getting him tested, and vaccinated if needs be, is one of the jobs we need to do before high school.

DrSethHazlittMD · 18/05/2015 13:05

I'm 41, never had chickenpox and I am always very wary if I hear someone has it. I think OP is doing the right thing and getting a sitter in. It's not just guests but staff too. A one-year old would have no idea what was going on anyway, so they aren't missing out at all.

onepieceoflollipop · 18/05/2015 13:06

5madthings, it is possible to have a blood test to confirm immunity to chicken pox. Not sure of your GP would agree to this for your dcs though? (And it wouldn't help if they aren't immune as you would still not know if they will come down with it)

I had cp twice, and had a blood test when pg as they wanted to confirm if I was immune or not.

Really feel for you op, how stressful in the run up to your special day x

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