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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave 8yr old alone for about an hour

32 replies

thinkingmakesitso · 17/05/2015 12:38

I am considering this because exh was supposed to be having them today (has his access here) but he got here, took them for a walk and came back from it early saying he had had a phone-call and was meant to be at a gig a few hours away. He then left. We don't talk that much, but it seems he is trying to rebuild his music 'career' since he left. Nothing like this has happened before (been split a year) and he sees them before and after school every day, but obviously it is not on to just dump them like this, even as a one off, imo.

Anyway, I have had a very stressful few weeks at work and this was going to be the first Sunday in ages where I didn't spend all my 'free-time' working. I was only going to catch up on house work, but now will have to do everything with 2 dc in tow. Ok, they are 8 and 6 but 8 year old has been hard work yesterday, screaming at various points of the day (his brother beating him at cricket, having to go to bed etc etc). He absolutely hates going shopping and I know will kick right off when I tell him he'll have to come. I know he'll ask to stay at home, wib to let him? He is very sensible, knows how to use the phone etc etc, has been left for up to 15 mins before, though not often. Aldi is a ten minute drive and takes less than an hour to get around.

I just can't face another screaming session, and have considered not going, but I have nothing in for packed lunches etc if I don't. God, 8 yr old has just come in screaming again as 6 yr old 'bowled him out'. FFs, I could fucking murder ex.

OP posts:

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 17/05/2015 12:48

Oh OP, I hear how pissed off you are. You had your free time planned and it's been snatched away. I honestly hear you, but no, I really wouldn't leave an 8 year old. You're frustrated and cross, but it's not a good idea.

Bit of light bribery at the shop? Pack of stickers? Small toy?

A gentle YABU.

Fatmomma99 · 17/05/2015 12:49

Poor you

That's rotten.

You know your DC, but tbh, I think an hour is quite a long time for an 8 year old. Can you organise a quick playdate with anyone local?

All the best.

amybear2 · 17/05/2015 12:50

A mature 8 yo maybe.From your description of him crying at the least thing, he sounds quite immature,I don't think you should.

prepperpig · 17/05/2015 12:51

I have an eight year old and definitely wouldn't leave him. You say yours is very sensible but then at the same time talk about him screaming, ,kicking off etc. That doesn't really indicate that he is mature enough (not criticising btw mine is exactly the same)

formerbabe · 17/05/2015 12:51

I wouldn't leave an 8 year old. Can you pop to a petrol station and buy a couple of ready made sandwiches for tomorrow?

WorraLiberty · 17/05/2015 12:52

No I wouldn't.

As hard as it is, I wouldn't let an 8yr old dictate to me.

No-one likes shopping but everyone likes eating and he'll have to learn that.

See if you can use an ice cream bribe or something but if that doesn't work, he'll have to get on with it.

prepperpig · 17/05/2015 12:52

I'd be more inclined to leave him in the car tbh if you really can't face having him in the shop with you.

ItIsntJustAPhase · 17/05/2015 12:53

Don't do it. Hope the change of scene does you good.

SavoyCabbage · 17/05/2015 12:53

I don't think you should.

He doesn't sound very mature and secondly I think you might be setting a bit of a precedent which it might be hard to get away from later.

Bribery might be the way to go. Or a good talking to. "This is the last thing I want to do" and all that.

bloodyteenagers · 17/05/2015 12:54

He doesnt ound like a mature or sensible 8 years old, sorry. I wouldn't leave him alone.

Original poster

thinkingmakesitso · 17/05/2015 13:00

Bugger, I knew it . He really is sensible in most ways, just a few select (but frequently occurring) things set him off. He is perfect at school and actually used by the teacher to calm down a boy they have who has frequent tantrums. (I had a thread on here about my concerns over this). He seems to use up all his calmness and patience at school, and I get the other side of him at home. I honestly think he would be fine, but my main worry would be me having an accident and him being left.

I'll take him with me. Can't believe I actually looked forward to today - it shows how shit your life is when you are disappointed that a couple of hours of uninterrupted housework is taken from you.

Fuck - just want to say again what an utter areshole ex is.

OP posts:

Lweji · 17/05/2015 13:01

I wouldn't and I haven't my very sensible DS when he was 8 years old.

He will have to bear it, or he will not have food to eat during the week. If he is sensible he will understand it.

On a side note, don't answer the door to your ex if he does this again. Let him know that this is not acceptable as a rule.

Lweji · 17/05/2015 13:02

Sorry, cross post.

formerbabe · 17/05/2015 13:03

it shows how shit your life is when you are disappointed that a couple of hours of uninterrupted housework is taken from you.

Op...I know this feeling so so well!

Guyropes · 17/05/2015 13:04

How will he entertain himself?
If with ds or similar, definitely not. I think k there is a slight risk of fits, and if he's alone he can't get help.

I agree its not a good idea to let an 8 year old dictate. Sorry your ex let you down. Might be a good idea to develop an arrangement with someone else to give you a bit of time out sometimes

TwiceAsNiceAsIceAndaSlice · 17/05/2015 13:07

Could you just pick up the bits you need for packed lunches and do the rest another time?

SewingAndCakes · 17/05/2015 13:10

I leave my 7 year old and 9 year old occasionally for around 20 minutes, but that's never been a last minute decision made out of desperation; its been built up to over time. I don't think you should leave him sorry.

VolumniaDedlock · 17/05/2015 13:10

i have an 8 year old and have left her for 10 mins or so
i'd probably be ok with an hour IF i'd built up to it gradually over time, and she was happy with it too, but not otherwise.

maybe getting him a comic en route and then leaving him in the car with it might be a compromise? or a big fat bribe for not making a fuss? or could you leave him with a mate for an hour? If a mate called me and asked me to babysit for a hour because they desperately needed a bit of headspace I'd help out.

DeeWe · 17/05/2015 13:28

Glad you've decided not to.
I would not leave my nearly 8yo alone yet.
I left dd1 for short times when she was 9 or 10yo. She was very sensible. I had someone down the road (on phone) who could have been with her very quickly. And I only left her when I was doing something I could be pretty sure how long I'd be, walking not driving and could turn back straight away if necessary. eg. Dropping off for Rainbows-not picking up at first because drop off is immediate (there's at least a few other parents who would stay with them if the leader wasn't there) but pick up, sometimes they over ran, or I needed to clear something with the leader.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 17/05/2015 13:39

An hour is too long I think. I'd happily leave an 8 year old for 10-15 minutes if they are sensible but not an hour.

WorraLiberty · 17/05/2015 13:44

Does he 'use up all his calmness and patience at school', or does he just get away with more at home?

I agree, your ex sounds like an arse.

ppeatfruit · 17/05/2015 13:45

I would ask him what he wants for lunch and WALK with them to the local shops, give him the money and get him to buy the food and then make the sandwiches or whatever when you get back.

Exercise is good too and it may calm him.

silverglitterpisser · 17/05/2015 15:58

Glad u r taking him with u OP n sorry ur little light at the end of the stress tunnel has been extinguished by a selfish ex .

Nevergoingtolearn · 17/05/2015 16:06

I know what you mean op. My exdh came over today so I could do the food shop, I hate taking the dc's with me, I do leave my 11 year old alone but not the 9 year old, I have left them in the car before though with their iPad and strict instructions not to talk to anyone.

Eva50 · 17/05/2015 16:09

I wouldn't leave my almost nine year old but I do leave him in the car outside the small co-op for 10 minutes. I wouldn't leave him in the car at Tesco although I'm sure I left his brothers in the car whilst I shopped at that age.

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