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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that she should sell her house?

25 replies

HoboMum · 17/05/2015 11:22

First time posting here, sorry it's going to be a bit long winded but I need advice (I'm aware I really need legal advice again and that will probably be my next step tbh)
My DH used to be with someone 20 years older than him, let's call her Deirdre. Her daughter was therefore around the same age as my now DH. Let's call her Penny. Penny had a relationship break down, meaning that she was going to lose her house. My DH agreed to go on her mortgage to help her out, for one year whilst she got herself sorted. Penny at the time was engaged to someone else and assured my DH that he would be replacing my DH on the mortgage when they were married (he found out afterwards that this man had no hope of getting a mortgage due to previous bad credit, and Penny and Deirdre knew this)
4 -5 years down the line, Deirdre and my DH long broken up and he now has a family with me, and is still stuck on her mortgage. All the way through she has been sporadic about making her mortgage payments. We moved and didn't update our address with the lender. We have logged in today and found out she has only been paying £90 towards her mortgage each month since December! She is self employed in a failing business (looked at her accounts with Companies House, she paid herself 5k in 2013)
My Dh is very very very stressed about all this, and he does tend to bury his head in the sand a bit because he can't handle it. I know he needs to phone the bank to find out what's happening (i.e. are they going down the repo route?) and I'm encouraging him to do so.
Crazy thing is, she has (hopefully) around 40k of equity in the property. I've told her time and time again she needs to sell the house and release my DH. She feels she is entitled to keep it and him on the mortgage because it's her house. She doesn't appear to care that his credit is shot to pieces, and we are unable to get a mortgage and move as a direct result of this (DH is good with money and has had perfect credit otherwise). She won't engage with us at all anymore. AIBU? Anyone got any helpful advice?
Oh and since found out that she's now pregnant by someone else (who hasn't stuck around)

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 17/05/2015 11:41

It's not that simple to just swap people about on mortgages. Your DH was very foolish.

Bailey101 · 17/05/2015 11:47

The only way to face a sale is to take her to court, which would be costly and could take a long time. Get some legal advice - if he's a tenant in common, I would tell her you're moving into the house and it might focus her mind to selling.

MrsJackAubrey · 17/05/2015 11:51

i hope i've got this right; your husband funded a mortgage for the adult daughter of his then wife. The daughter's life seems now to be a right mess.

If your husband stops paying the mortgage, she'll be homeless with a baby on the way and no father for it.

If he continues to pay the mortgage your family won't be able to move to a different house.

It seems to me you that looking after your own interests will improve your lives by say 50%.

Supporting the daughter - someone your husband had taken responsibilty for in the past - improves the lives of 2 people immeasurably.

I would talk to Penny and tell her to agree to put the house in your husband's name. She has 40K equity - so this gets transferred to your husband so he owns the house outright. He will agree to let her live there rent free until her child is 18. At that point he has the right to sell the house or to charge her the market rent.

redshoeblueshoe · 17/05/2015 11:53

I'd ask MN to repost this in legal - as my opinion would only be an opinion and of no legal help - which is what you need.

MrsJackAubrey · 17/05/2015 11:53

sorry, just reread your post OP and see that your husband hasn't been paying the mortgage, just enabled her to get the mortgage.

Different story.

Talk to Deidre - why isn't she supporting her daugher?

Original poster
HoboMum · 17/05/2015 12:17

Thanks all, I will be going to get legal advice. We have before and forcing a sale is not an option (costs a bomb and only 50% likely to work, I assume this percentage goes down massively because she is now going to have a child in the property) I think that the lender will be going down the repo route at this point. Deirdre isn't capable of supporting her daughter, neither of them have a clue about money management. She and my DH were not married, and had no children together but he supported her financially for a year after they broke up because he's a mug generous soul. I guess all I wanted to know is are we being unreasonable asking her to sell before they kick her out and drag everyone through court and ruin all our credit?

She won't be homeless by the way, as Deirdre has a 4 bedroom house to herself. (They both have 4 bedroom houses a stones throw from each other)

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 17/05/2015 13:23

If I were you, I'd just move yourselves in.

DisappointedOne · 17/05/2015 13:53

Ooh! good idea!

AlpacaMyBags · 17/05/2015 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
HoboMum · 17/05/2015 14:28

An awesome solution if it were feasible. We have no right as we don't pay the mortgage. The solicitor advised us that we have a right to routinely inspect the property but not to live in it/have a key

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 17/05/2015 14:38

Well move in and start paying the mortgage, she's not paying it either!

It will also mean you save money on rent, so you can save a bigger deposit and then get a mortgage on just your wages.

HermioneWeasley · 17/05/2015 15:25

Move in! Seriously, what's she going to do?

HermioneWeasley · 17/05/2015 15:26

These people are piss takers - you need to play them at their own game.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 17/05/2015 15:36

When your DH went on the mortgage for one year to help her out - was that recorded anywhere?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 17/05/2015 15:41

How long was your DH with Deidre?
Were they married?
He can't have adopted Penny as she is his age but is he her stepdad?

I cannot see how either of them could have any financial hold over him if it's a short lived relationship.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 17/05/2015 15:44

Is he on the deeds as well as the mortgage?

DisappointedOne · 17/05/2015 16:04

So if nobody is paying the mortgage, your DH's credit report (and by extension yours if you have any joint accounts) is getting hammered.

DisappointedOne · 17/05/2015 16:06

70isa It doesn't matter what was agreed - as far as the bank are concerned he's agreed to be equally responsible for the house and mortgage for 25/30/35 years.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 17/05/2015 16:17

tell them if they don't sell the house you will be going for your DHs 50% share of the value of the house, in compensation for his shot credit rating.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 17/05/2015 16:18

equity I meant to say, not value.

expatinscotland · 17/05/2015 16:45

Move in.

Original poster
HoboMum · 17/05/2015 17:05

Moving in definitely isn't an option without some serious legal advice. When we asked before, we were told that because the intention was never for my DH to live in the property then we couldn't just get access legally.
It was never recorded anywhere, but she has made it clear in some fb conversations that it is her intention for him to be removed from the mortgage, and has signed a legal document indicating the same (doesn't really mean much - it would just be useful if forcing a sale, which is no longer an option)

Here's where he really got stitched up - he IS on the deeds, but he owns 1% and she owns 99%. So he is potentially 100% liable for the debt but only owns 1% of the property. Yes I know he should have got legal advice at the time - but he thought he was doing a nice (temporary) thing for people who were supposed to love him. He's a lovely person who really tends to think the best of people, and always tries to help people out where he can. he gave her a loan at the time of around 4k to pay off her ex partner, which she never paid back either.

He was not married to Deirdre, was with her for around 8 years. So not Penny's Stepdad by any stretch of the imagination. DH and Penny are both in their forties.

She doesn't have a financial hold over him - the lender does unfortunately and they are (understandably) not willing to release him.

My credit is fine at the moment, they haven't linked us. I own the house we live in, the issue is that we cannot remortgage and move because of DH's credit. It's ridiculous that I can't share a joint account with my own husband.

OP posts:
KPlunk · 17/05/2015 17:06

Oh dear, yanbu to suggest that she sells the house. Can you do some research for her. Perhaps find some suitable properties locally. Alternatively what about suggesting she rents out some rooms.

How big is the mortgage? As a PP asked, is he on the deeds? Are there any other written agreements with her? Is there ANTYHING else in writing?

Has your DH spoken with the mortgage company.

I don't know the correct terminology but can you get a Deed of Trust drawn up to imdenify your DH from the mortgage payments. Confused

Was the information given to the mortgage provider truthful? ie were they aware that your partner was not going to live at the address?

KPlunk · 17/05/2015 17:07

Sorry x post.

Original poster
HoboMum · 17/05/2015 22:08

She already rents out rooms. No idea where that money goes but it's not on the mortgage Confused

That's what we have - a deed of trust (I think) It doesn't mean much, the lender will still pursue DH for the money

OP posts:
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