I am BU but am also hurt

[welliesinthespring]

I have a friend who is TTC - exciting times. I've just turned 34; she's 34 in August.

She has said loads of stuff about thinking she might have left it too late and not wanting to be an 'older' mum.

I'm single - I'll be well past 35 if I get round to it ever.

Aibu to be a bit hurt?

A bit, yes, that's how she feels, you don't have to feel the same?

She's being rude, even if she's entitled to believe that. Why haven't you said "oy love, I'm 34!"

I'd be hurt too because I'd find that really insensitive. Does she possibly presume that you don't want a family or aren't bothered about it? Or maybe she thinks you might identify in some way as you are both the same age and haven't had a family yet?

She is obviously entitled to have these feelings and concerns but I would be a bit more sensitive when choosing who I said it to if I were her.

She knows I'm desperate for a baby. She did apologise when I said (semi jokingly) I was upset.

I don't think yabu, especially since you've let her know.

It does depend on the context of the conversation though, if she was talking in a 'does this worry you?' kind of way then maybe you would need to keep a lid on your own insecurities. If it was a train of thought then I reckon it's a classic case of knowing your audience.

You've done her a favour really. She's undoubtly going to meet other mothers and could end up really offending someone with a good ten years on her.

It probably doesn't help she'll be labelled as old on her maternity notes, but thats on a lot of people's nowadays and isn't worth the headspace of worry.

I don't understand your AIBU then.

She was insensitive.
You told her you were hurt.
She apologised (so validated your feelings of being hurt)

Where is the U bit?

I think yab a bit u. She was probably talking about herself and her apology was just when she remembered your situation. Not everyone is intentionally trying to offend the next person.

She may just be caught up in ttc, and didn't really mean to offend you.

She is being completely U. I hate it when people that age say things like that when they know that it's completely the norm now for women to be first time mums at 40 and beyond. So rude.

I don't know. Suppose it's playing on my mind a bit - am upset because I feel like I'm never going to be a Mum!