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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell (D)H where to stuff it!

29 replies

HamishBamish · 15/05/2015 07:16

I work 4 days a week, DH works full-time. I bring way more to the table financially (this isn't particularly relevant, apart from making the point that I more than keep up my contributions to the family finances).

I usually go to the gym on a Friday morning (drop DC off at school/nursery at 8.30, collect DS1 at midday, then back to school in the afternoon to collect DS1 and friend). Today DS2 is having someone round to play. I'm trying to make more of an effort for him so he can have some social interaction outside school hours.

So, I'm not going to the gym this morning like I usually would. Instead I'm shopping for food and cleaning so I don't die of embarrassment when the visiting child is collected. We have a cleaner, but you can't get away with just cleaning once a week (well I can't).

So, DH gets on his high horse this morning about me not having time to go to the gym today. I ask him how he suggests I fit everything in that I have to do today. I also suggest that if he has a problem with it, then maybe he can take a day of his annual leave to do it instead (rather than keeping days back so he can play golf) and I'll be more than happy to spend the day going to the gym/meeting a friend for lunch etc. He didn't seem to be too keen on that idea!

I'm just so pissed off with him. Every day I work to the wire. My job is demanding, I work with international clients so I'm often in meetings in the evening as well as working all day. If I had time to go to the sodding gym today, believe me I would!

OP posts:
TanteRose · 15/05/2015 07:19

”DH gets on his high horse this morning about me not having time to go to the gym today.”

I literally don't understand this Confused

do you go together or something? is that why he's got the hump about it??

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 15/05/2015 07:22

Why is he annoyed that you can't go to the gym? Confused

I find that baffling. Usually you'll see threads where the DH is begrudging the OP time out of the house. Is he just being critical of your alleged 'poor time-keeping'?

Does he usually get so het up about minor stuff?

RoboticSealpup · 15/05/2015 07:22

Why does he care that you're not going to the gym?

FenellaFellorick · 15/05/2015 07:23

Why is he cross that you aren't going to the gym?

ADachshundNamedColin · 15/05/2015 07:24

I am also Confused

Original poster
HamishBamish · 15/05/2015 07:24

”DH gets on his high horse this morning about me not having time to go to the gym today.”

He thinks I don't do enough exercise. He goes to the gym during lunchtime as he works right next to it. Usually I go 3 time a week (fri/sat/sun) as I literally can't during the evenings as I usually have meetings.

OP posts:
OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 15/05/2015 07:26

Well it's a good thing it's none of his bloody business how much exercise you do then, isn't it?

Tell him to do one.

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 15/05/2015 07:28

Not sure I understand the issue! What difference does it make to him whether you go to the gym today or not? I wouldn't be amused if DH started dictating to me how I spent my days. I would definitely be asking that he facilitate my gym visits by taking time off to look after the children if it's so important to him.
As an aside, I haven't had time to go to the gym since DD was born 18 months ago!

Zippidydoodah · 15/05/2015 07:28

Ffs!! He sounds horrible! You don't do enough exercise?! That may well be true (I don't) but it has nothing to do with him, and he has no right to have a go at you for not finding the time to go!!

Wow Shock

ADachshundNamedColin · 15/05/2015 07:29

Blimey. I'd have told him where to stuff it ages ago. What a strain.

Has he appointed himself the family PE teacher?

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 15/05/2015 07:30

Has he appointed himself the family PE teacher? Grin

I'll do you a note if you want, OP.

Original poster
HamishBamish · 15/05/2015 07:30

Thanks for all your replies, I have to go now to do the school run, but I will read them all later.

OP posts:
Original poster
HamishBamish · 15/05/2015 07:31

I'll do you a note if you want, OP.

Grin
OP posts:
Totality22 · 15/05/2015 07:31

Blimey.... you don't do enough exercise? Charming.

I'd tell him to fuck right off and buy a family sized cake to eat in front of him. I assume he'd not approve of cake as well as missing the gym?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 15/05/2015 07:32

Wow. He sounds controlling, unpleasant and sexist. Does he bully you in other areas of your life that are none of his fucking concern too?

sebsmummy1 · 15/05/2015 07:35

It all sounds exhausting just reading it.

Trying to read between the lines, does he think you should lost some weight and so sees your lack of gym session a much bigger deal than it is? Alternatively is he just trying to steer you towards some 'power couple' dynamic, where you both have high flying careers, 2.4 children, a cleaner, an active social life and still find time to hit the gym daily? If you don't live up to his expectations is it all Daily Mail sad face round your house?

Obviously I would tell him to Fuck Off and then get on with my life. But it's not happening to me so it's easy to tell you what I would do in a hypothetical situation.

cosytoaster · 15/05/2015 07:36

He sounds weird - definitely tell him to stuff it!

PoppyFleur · 15/05/2015 07:37

Has he appointed himself the family PE teacher?

Best line I have read on MN this month! Grin

FenellaFellorick · 15/05/2015 07:45

You know that's really weird of him, don't you?

Is it just your exercise he tries to control or your food intake and choices as well? Is it about controlling your health or controlling the way your body looks?

firesidechat · 15/05/2015 07:45

Well op, don't you think it's telling that you had to explain to us why anyone would be upset that their partner didn't go to the gym? That's obviously because most of us aren't with someone who likes to have that much control.

firesidechat · 15/05/2015 07:48

And not only did you not go to the gym, you spent the time cleaning and food shopping. How very indulgent of you. Confused

Bearbehind · 15/05/2015 07:48

How can you be with a man you tells you off for not going to the gym? Hmm

If my husband said that apart from telling him to fuck right off I'd be really unhappy about what else his critical eye noticed and what he really thinks if that if he actually finds it's appropriate to reprimand you for not going to the gym.

I couldn't live like that.

BeaufortBelle · 15/05/2015 07:52

I've been married for 25 years. I can't remember a single day when I've had to account to my DH about what I'm doing or not doing. Just tell him to remove his beak.

Icimoi · 15/05/2015 08:10

I agree it's totally up to you how you choose to spend your Friday, but you could point out that doing the housework will involve at least as much exercise as going to the gym. Probably more.

Bakeoffcake · 15/05/2015 08:15

Does he get so worked up about other stuff you do/don't do?

He sounds genuinely strangeConfused