Problems of working with DP.....

[Dannihell]

Bit of background to start.
My family have owned a small shop for over 40 years and as the only child, I've worked there from a young age. Naturally, I was expected to take over when my parents retired and this happened about 1 year ago (I'm 28 now.)

Up until 18 months ago I was in a Long-distance relationship with DP (now 29)for 3 years. He lived/worked in London but would fly up (or fly me down) every other weekend. Last January, he took redundancy and moved up to live with me. My parents at this point were beginning to indicate they would be retiring soon. As DP was working only 20 hours a week (contracting work), he offered to learn the ropes to ease the transition. He started working Mon-Sat 4-9am in the shop and took to it like a duck to water. My parents, who weren't enamoured with him initially, really warmed to him when they saw how hard working and reliable he was.

In our small town, we're the only shop that really offers News delivery. It was a small part of our business but DP and I were able to build it up into the core of it going from 15 paper rounds to 40 within 6 months (the time my parents retired). Since then DP has taken care of the early mornings (including administering the paper rounds) while I do the rest of the day to day in the late morning/early afternoon. On a Saturday, it is particularly busy so I will be in with DP, although he leaves early to deliver newspapers in the rural areas. It is on Saturday that we pay our Paperboys/girls and this is the only real interaction I have with them and where my problem is arising;

When my parents retired, we had 24 paperboys and 16 paper girls. In the 1 year DP has been in charge of administering paper rounds, 17 boys and 6 girls have left for various reasons. 21 of the 23 new recruits are girls so now we are at 9 boys and 31 girls. It's not unnoticeable that a lot of them are quite attractive young girls. I know for a fact that as many boys apply for rounds as girls as they usually come in at lunchtime, while I'm usually still in the shop.

I'm beginning to get a bit suspicious as obviously I don't really get to see the girls' interaction with DP as we're never all in the shop at the same time. Given that we were in a Long-Distance relationship and with how busy we've been with the business since he moved back, I've never really noticed how he acts when we're in the presence of others.

AIBU to think there is something untoward here? Could there be a simple explanation for this?

I'd be grateful for any advice on how to approach the subject with DP

Point out to him the gender imbalance and suggest he ought to redress that in the next few hirings.

Maybe he thinks girls are more reliable than boys, having been a boy himself.
Maybe he's a lech. Do you have any reason to think he might be?

I assume we are talking underage girls? So if there was something going on it would be a criminal matter?

Has he given you any reason to suspect him? Maybe he's hired girls as he thinks they are more responsible/mature than boys the same age, or it's coincidence. Can you ask the girls general questions - are they enjoying the job? Has there been any problems? Etc.

The girls are not all underage, the majority are 16-17 years old.

However, I know from experience that, at that 13-17 age group, the boys were usually the more dependable for turning up and turning up on time. Additionally, they tend to be a bit more capable (can carry more weight etc).

Like I said in the OP, it was long-distance for a long time and we've not been particularly social since he moved back so I've not really seen how he interacts with other people in general. I suppose he's quite chatty/flirty but I've seen him do that with the schoolgirls that come in and I've seen him do it with the pensioners that come in to pay their newspaper bill. I doubt I'm the only one that gets a lift when a good-looking guy gives them a compliment and a bit of flirting.

I don't have many in-depth chats with the papergirls, they're usually in-and-out, but they all seem very happy and have nothing but good things to say about DP. Over half of the girls get a lift on their rounds from their mothers and the ones I've spoken to are the same.

There are a few rounds that will be available in the next few weeks so I might try and subtly put forward a case to have some direct input into recruitment.

I don't see a reason to worry at the moment, from what you've said.

You're right, I'm probably jumping to conclusions. Obviously when it was long-distance, I didn't quite see 1) how flirty he was with women in general and 2) how other women were so responsive to it.

Because of that, I'm maybe being a bit jealous.

Yes I think the thing to do is sit in on the interviews / chats and then have a discussion between the two of you before hiring. See if you agree on the candidates and why.

It may be that they and their mothers feel safe and confident with him, so some parents who might have objected to girls taking on rounds don't, which is really quite complementary. Not saying anyone didn't before but as you've expanded numbers, this would be a factor with new people.

Why don't you trust him? Simply based on you now employ more girls than boys? If this is bothering you, why haven't you just asked him?

I'd definitely point it out ask and ask why he thinks there's a trend forming there. I wouldn't jump to sinister conclusions but it would seem unusual to me that such a increase in girls is just a coincidence.

It's partly because it has been a gradual process. Given that I only see them once a week in general, you don't really notice that one boy has left and has been replaced by a girl.

One of the first things DP did when he took over these rounds was to keep detailed records of the boys and girls and how much we were paying each one (previously we just kept a grand total of how much we paid them as a collective). At the end of the financial year, he started a fresh book for record keeping and I stumbled across the previous years one this morning where I saw the names and it was then I noticed the shift from boys to girls.

It's not a lack of trust, it's more that his practices are kind of at odds with what I've been brought up with while being involved in the business (that being that boys are generally easier to work with) and it's not easy to ask what his thinking behind it is without effectively suggesting something is up.

I'm also worried that he is putting himself at risk of accusations. Whenever he gets a new delivery person in, he'll personally show them their route. In our neighbouring town, the owner of a newsagent got convicted of sexual offences despite it very much being a 'he said, she said' incident. I know a couple of people who work or worked in the shop and they all backed the owner 100% yet his life was ruined.

I think I'll definitely have a word about being more involved in the process and maybe try and get an angle into what he is thinking, if anything. As I said, we have 3 rounds coming available as a couple of the boys have apprenticeships and one of the girls is off to uni. We have a dozen or so names looking for a round so I might actively suggest 3 boys names for it and see how he reacts.

Well I think either of your assumptions that boys or girls are easier to work with is a bit off tbh. I used to own a small restaurant, waiting staff tended to be mainly girls because more girls applied. But I never set staff on based on an assumption that their gender made them easier.

It sounds to me as though there are 2 problems. You are struggling with the idea of him doing things differently to what you are used to in your family business. I think you may be a bit miffed, maybe. I think you are also questioning his motivation. Now we can only speculate to that. It may be a simple as those were the best people for the job in his opinion and it's just coincidence. But you won't know until you ask him.

I have owned businesses and worked with dh for 4 years. The first 2 years were difficult. Because we didn't communicate, mainly out of fear the other would think it was a criticism. Now we do, we both know it's about us both being comfortable with decisions made for the businesses benefit. I often ask him to talk me through a decision or plans, maybe more than once and offer my suggestions. He does the same. It's now normal to bat ideas about and discuss alternatives , without anyone feeling their judgment is being called into question.

I am not saying our marriage is perfect or or working relationship is. But if you are planning for this to continue, you need to find ways of discussing it.

Be more involve with recruitment and inductions. And speak to him about putting himself in a vulnerable position.

He seems to have really helped improve the business, so I thinking can trust him to do the best for it. But approach it from angle of wanting to know more. Also you need to know more. Without being awful (and I hope it doesn't happen) but what if you split up and he walks out or he has to take time off? You need to know how things have been successfully run. Also is he classed as an employee?

Not saying you should mention splitting, but it's a good thing to have an idea how he has being doing things. He is your do, but this is your business at the end of the day.