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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To just give up?

27 replies

Stanky · 14/05/2015 12:47

I've been trying to tidy 7 yo ds bedroom. I've been here many times before, each time determined that it will stay tidy from now on. We will tidy it every day. We don't. Weeks turn into months, life is extremely busy at the moment. I was making some progress, but 3yo ds2 came in and tipped out all of the football cards, lego and tiny skateboards I had just tidied away. I didn't lose my shit, but just quietly died a little inside and nearly cried. There's still a huge pile of crap to go through. I'm disorganised, messy and overwhelmed, so I'm not a good role model for my boys. It's no wonder they're messy too. Depressing.

OP posts:

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 14/05/2015 12:51

Standing in solidarity. I am messy and have too much stuff and am trying to teach my children to be tidy.

stitch10yearson · 14/05/2015 12:52

Is the room clean?
Are there five day old crumbs on the floor and mouldy dirty dishes under the bed?
Are their bedsheets changed every two weeks, or are they filthy from bedwetting accidents months ago?

As long as the above doesn't apply, then you are doing fine. Having every tiny lego piece in its place is an impossible standard, and one I gave up on long long ago. As long as they are clean and their is no filth around, then the organisation doesn't matter so much

Original poster

Stanky · 14/05/2015 13:00

Thanks. That does make me feel a little better, and reminds me of some of the health hazard student houses I used to visit. I some how do manage to regularly change the sheets, whilst tripping over toys. They don't bring food up to their bedrooms (yet), so no crumbs. Just a few socks, and mountains of toys, and probably quite a lot of dust and fluff on the carpet. It's a very old carpet, and looks the same after it's been hoovered as it did before.

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OvertiredandConfused · 14/05/2015 13:34

When mine were that age and I was overwhelmed, we invested in some storage drawers a bit like these.

Cars got thrown in one, dinosaurs in another, lego in another (three). only took minutes but looked much better.

Might that help?

Heyho111 · 14/05/2015 13:39

I've decided there must be a tidy gene which unfortunately I don't have. I put stuff on the stairs to take up when I next go up. I walk past it I don't see it. 10 days later it's still there. I wish I could have a tidy gene transplant.

Original poster

Stanky · 14/05/2015 13:47

Thanks for the suggestion Overtiredandconfused. :) We do have some of those, but they are over flowing. We just have too much stuff, and I need to sort it out and clear it out. It's little toys that have come from party bags and happy meals. It's mountains of pictures and school projects. Things made out of massive card board boxes and milk bottles. You know, just junk. Every time I turn around, there's more. Every room in the house is like it. I thought that I'd try to make a start. Mil is coming over to babysit on Saturday evening. Although she never says anything to criticise, her house is always immaculate , and I feel ashamed. Actually, everyone else's house looks better than mine.

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Original poster

Stanky · 14/05/2015 13:48

Me too heyho. :)

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shattered77 · 14/05/2015 13:49

It's just not worth the time, effort and heartache. I started like this, wanting ds to have a lovely bedroom, but he's too young to get it. I have the storage boxes and would sort into categories, this too wasn't worth it. The toys now get randomly put into boxes. This means that I can go in once a week, polish, hoover: job done. So far, a couple of evenings a year, when they're in bed, me and dh will have wine, go through their toy boxes and try and be ruthless about throwing stuff out, sorting charity box etc. It's not practical to give too much time to this.

SallyMcgally · 14/05/2015 13:52

I bet my house doesn't look better than yours, if it helps. I'm not just saying this to make you feel better either.

Original poster

Stanky · 14/05/2015 13:56

SallyMcgally, it's not a contest. ;) Feel free to chat about it. We often don't feel good enough, but we really are good enough.

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2boys2girls · 14/05/2015 14:10

Happy kids happy house .... So what if their room looks like a tip with toys its nothing to what a teenagers room will look like ... My 8yr old has a yearly carboot where she keeps the money so she is very ruthless ... To point it's me saying no not that etc but ive got better and we get rid of loads, and for a few weeks we life sort of clutter free then it creeps all back in..... I have given up worrying as only sent me mad not anyone else

Original poster

Stanky · 14/05/2015 14:13

Sounds good 2boys2girls. :) I'm dreading what I might find in their bedrooms when they are teenagers. I don't think I'll dare to look.

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FFSletmechangemyname · 14/05/2015 14:17

Anyone wishing the tidy gene, please don't. I have it and hate it, I wish I digs have it.
My house is clean and very very tidy, everything has it's place and I spend my life stressing about it, picking things up, I NEVER sit down, I spend hardly any time with my children having fun because it has to be tidy.

It's no way to live, believe me. Leave the mess know one will care. (Wish I could take my own advise) ??

2boys2girls · 14/05/2015 14:30

Another rule I try to stick by is if kids wanted a new "charity/carboot" toy they were to give one of their toys in exchange to the charity ... Not that it lasts or they would choose a tiny thing in replacement to a massive piece of junk.... But seriously nothing matters really as long clean fed and watered and the house is 'messy' rather than dirty all is good ... So what if parents mentally question it their kids won't they'll love the fun and laughter of a relaxed home .. We have boundies but not on things that aren't worth worrying about, kids don't see mess they see exploring/adventure/imagination ....
Hate thought kids to scared to move ,we've been to houses like that and its scary lol

2boys2girls · 14/05/2015 14:31

Youll never get in the teens room as the mess will stop you finding floor space or the smell will hit you ,...

ItsTricky · 14/05/2015 14:39

Sounds like he has too much stuff. I recently took around half my 8 year old dd's toys to the charity shop, moved her furniture around and gave the room a deep clean. She was thrilled and didn't notice the missing stuff. She's turned from being messy to loving keeping her room clean and tidy.

Original poster

Stanky · 14/05/2015 14:44

FFSletmechangemyname, sorry you feel that way. It doesn't sound fun for you. I don't know what to suggest to help you there, it sounds a bit like anxiety. We just need to find some where in between a lazy slob, and so clean that it's stressful.

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Original poster

Stanky · 14/05/2015 14:50

Itstricky, that sounds good. Ds is always very pleased when ever his bedroom is tidy. I recognise the fleeting feeling of accomplishment and calm. He does occasionally take pride and organise something in order. :) But, he does have way too much stuff. Even he says this. I have to sneak it out when he's not around. Sometimes, they find the charity bag before I get a chance to donate it, and they take the stuff back out.

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Charlotte3333 · 14/05/2015 14:56

I'm naturally quite tidy. The DCs both take after me, or so I thought. I went into DS2's room a few weeks back (he's 4) and moved his bed to have a look for a lego toy he'd stolen from DS1 (DS2 is renowned for being an international klepto) and found the most disgusting pile of tat I've ever seen. Old dirty pants (his, thank god), apple cores, packets of crisps he's stolen, socks that had been used as tissues, half-chewed biscuits, a juice box. You name it, that kid has stolen it and inserted it under his bed. I expect Lord Lucan is still probably under there now.

Moral of the story is, some kids are a bit icky. I've had to learn to accept that DS2 is a revolting little toad. And put a lock on the fridge.

nemo81 · 14/05/2015 14:58

I don't think it has anything to do with you if that helps. I am super organised and tidy but my kids? Well, their rooms get in such a state even a buglar would be put off!

Stormtreader · 14/05/2015 15:04

"But, he does have way too much stuff. Even he says this. I have to sneak it out when he's not around."
If he's saying he has too much stuff then why not stop sneaking it out and have a grown up "lets donate some of this to less fortunate children" session.
Let him decide what he doesnt need any more and lots of praise about how grown up hes being and how kind hes being to the other children might go over really well.

ItsTricky · 14/05/2015 16:47

Good idea to get him to donate sone toys. Maybe you can persuade him by saying he can choose some new books/DVD's/computer games (stuff that doesn't get messy!).

When Christmas/Birthday comes around don't buy too much. Maybe have a day out or see a show as a 'present'.

Good luck!

Original poster

Stanky · 14/05/2015 18:19

Thanks. I have had this conversation with him before, about donating toys to the charity shop. In theory he agrees, but he finds saying goodbye to objects very upsetting, changes his mind and rescues them from the bag. I think that he thinks that Toy Story is real. So, it's easier all round for me to clear them out when he's at school. He doesn't notice and doesn't miss anything.

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2boys2girls · 14/05/2015 18:29

Have you tried suggesting a car boot ? Mine have loved doing this and keeping the money ,

Stormtreader · 15/05/2015 10:14

At the end of Toy Story 3, doesnt Andy donate his toys to the neighbour girl when he doesnt need them any more? Might be worth putting the film on and then suggesting he donate some of his toys when its finished and go and do it right then while its still fresh in his mind?

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