To tell DH I hate oral sex?

[thatsthewayitgoes]

I know I'm letting myself in for a barage of abuse but I really don't like it and haven't for years. Not done it for years but DH pushed it tonight so I told him. He's really upset but I really don't like anything about it. AIBU? (Takes deep breath)

I can understand him being hurt too. I think you need a long honest chat about what you both need

YANBU but if DP felt the same way I'd be absolutely gutted, I'd be sad it wouldn't be happening as much and I'd be really upset that she had not told me before.

Have you spoken to your GP specifically about the effect on your libido?

Because if you're only going through the motions on an increasingly limited sexual repertoire, then it would be unsurprising for him to feel increasingly hurt, and just as you have the right to sex only of the types you consent to, he has the right occasionally to express his unhappiness at changes which he doesn't like.

Mismatched libido can kill relationships. What saves them is good communication. Do you think counselling would help?

We have been for joint counselling to a private sex therapist but I have to say it didn't make any difference. GP useless.

My partner doesn't like giving or receiving oral sex, it's not a big deal for us as we still have plenty of ways to be intimate without having oral sex.

Tbh, I think that if the op's revelation had come out of nowhere then the dh would be extremely hurt and rightly so. But the op has stated that they hadn't done it for years and that last night was the first time in ages and the dh thought that time might have changed things, so it doesn't sound as if this has come as a surprise to him.

Op I am going to go against the grain here and say that by telling him you have actually now brought things more out in the open and that in itself is a positive step towards resolving your issues wrt sex.

Nobody should feel pressured into doing anything they don't like. And if oral doesn't do it for you then you shouldn't feel that you have to do it just to keep the peace. But if the giving and receiving of oral is just one part of a much bigger picture then the whole picture needs exploring so that you as a couple can get on to an even keel wrt sex.

You say that therapy hasn't helped, do you think it's possible that you and your dh are just incompatible?

I don't see any reason whatsoever why you should do it if you don't like it. Perhaps 'hate' was too strong a word (did you really say that?), can you not discuss it in better terms and say what you don't like about it?

(To him, obviously, not us!)

YANBU. At all. It doesn't matter one tiny bit why you don't like it. If you don't like it you don't have to do it, and you shouldn't feel pressured in to doing it.

DH is not unreasonable to be hurt about the fact that you've never liked it and only done it because you felt like you had to.

DH is unreasonable if he actually wants you to do something you hate just to make him happy.

No decent person wants to pressure their partner in to any sex act.

YANBU to not like it and not want to give/receive it. Your sex life will probably improve the more honest you are.
YABU if it came out out of the blue and said it so harshly. If DP suddenly said during foreplay that he just hates sth we had done before and it disgusts him etc etc I'd feel very hurt.