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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding presents - evening do

18 replies

JumpRope · 12/05/2015 20:31

Been invited to a few evening dos of weddings this summer being a second class citizen. Wibu to ask for the wedding list details as they haven't said anything about gifts, just give some cash in an envelope, or what?

OP posts:

FadedRed · 12/05/2015 20:39

If you consider it a 'second class' invitation, perhaps you should graciously decline it in time for the happy couple to invite someone else who would be happy to be asked? like a real friend
You could ask them what they would like, or give them some money/vouchers as you prefer.

NickyEds · 12/05/2015 20:42

I think if people are expecting gifts and have a wedding list then they include it in the invite don't they? Without one I'd say cash is fine.

Original poster

JumpRope · 12/05/2015 20:43

Oh, it's just our in joke. They are both having small ceremonies and big parties, no problem!

OP posts:

meditrina · 12/05/2015 20:47

Either ask them, and then get them something they want.

Or post them a cheque about a week before the ceremony (far less faff all round that taking stuff to the event).

Littlemonstersrule · 12/05/2015 20:48

For evening only, just do wine. A gift should not be expected from guests that are not deemed important enough to share the actual wedding and vows with.

MsVestibule · 12/05/2015 20:51

nickyeds putting a gift list in an invitation is incredibly rude and presumptuous!

I don't think it makes any difference whether you're an evening guest or not - either way, you can ask them if they have a list and buy a cheapish thing off that, or put cash in an envelope.

expatinscotland · 12/05/2015 20:56

Bottle of fizz.

ilovemargaretatwood8931 · 12/05/2015 21:07

nicky and msvestibule have brought up an issue here- I know lots of people include a gift list in with their invitations, but I've been told by others that it's rude and grabby- not everyone's on the same page with this.

OP, I'd just enquire if they have a list, and then get them something off that, or alternatively just put some money in a card- £10 or £20 (or more if you are generous/ rich/ feeling very kind!)

Mostlyjustaluker · 12/05/2015 21:11

We asked for cash, an mn crime, from day time guests but did not mention anything for evening guests. I would take a bottle pressco.

ThatEffingCreakyFloor · 12/05/2015 21:17

This is an interesting one for me - we've just been invited to a wedding evening do (neighbours, don't know them v well but think it's jolly nice of them to ask us). I was surprised to get a gift 'request' (contribution to holiday fund) as I've never had this with just an evening invite before. I thought presents were really just a thing for the 'proper' guests & perhaps just a bottle of fizz & card for the evening type thing. Am I behind the times or have I only been to the evening dos of non-greedy people before?

NickyEds · 12/05/2015 21:25

Ilovemargaret Nearly every wedding I've been to has included a wedding list in with the invitation and usually a list of hotels!! On one in particular the cheapest thing on it was a set of tea towels for £38!. We have the good grace to avoid all this and live in sin

ilovemargaretatwood8931 · 12/05/2015 21:32

Nicky! tea towels for £38!!! Craziness...

Good for you for avoiding it!

RusticBlush · 13/05/2015 08:30

A bottle of bubbly should surfice for an evening event surely

Iloveonionchutney · 13/05/2015 08:34

I'd ask if they have. Gift list if you'd like to get them something from it, I included one in my evening invites, I've never gone to a wedding even just for the evening where I wouldn't have wanted to give the couple something they would like.

ItsADinosaur · 13/05/2015 08:35

Everyone I know that's ever got married has included a gift list in the invitation.

Although I didn't think it included evening invites. Just put a voucher in a card or something, if you want to give a gift.

ISingSoprano · 13/05/2015 08:37

I really don't see the problem with present lists. If I am invited to a wedding (ceremony or reception) I will take a present and would far rather get something the couple want/need. We have been invited to an evening reception later this year, couple have asked for John Lewis vouchers - perfect!

KondoAttitude · 13/05/2015 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessOfChina · 13/05/2015 09:57

I feel like a stuck record on here sometimes. Every wedding I have ever been to (and I've been to at least 30) has included a gift list with the invitation. That's all walks of life, a variety of ages and over approximately the last ten years.

I've also been to a load of lovely hen weekends and most of the weddings have been child free

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