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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not really want sleepovers at my DCs age?

22 replies

OracleofDelphi · 12/05/2015 13:36

So DC are 7 and 6.... Some of their friends at school are already having sleepovers ona regular basis. Both have been invited on one each and we declined (nicely) as I knew parents to say hello to, chat at school gate, but not any better than that. Im sort of dreading being asked again, as I dont want to deny my DC something, but equally I still think they are too young.

Both DC suffer with nightmares so if it did happen it would have to be at my house in any case..... Im trying to remember when I had sleepovers....... I remember several before I went to a different school at 10, so must have been 8 or 9. But that was 70s / 80s and where I grew up people lived further away from one another so play dates for a few hours were a lot harder. What age did your DC start a play date and AIBU to want to wait until they are 9/ 10 /11?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 12/05/2015 13:37

Not at all. 6 and 7 year olds don't need sleepovers.

meglet · 12/05/2015 13:40

yanbu. sleepovers from senior school seems more appropriate imo.

There were a couple of reception sleepovers in ds's class Shock .

lemonyone · 12/05/2015 13:41

My DCs started sleepovers at the age of 7. No problems at all.

I have invited some kids for sleepovers at ours. Some accept, some parents politely decline because they don't feel their children are ready - as you have done. I can assure you, as a parent who has had a sleepover declined for this reason I wasn't offended or thought it was an unusual decision. YOu know your kids best. Don't 'dread' being asked again though, it's not a big deal to the parent! Perhaps just suggest having an extra long playdate and you could pick up a bit later than usual?

christinarossetti · 12/05/2015 13:41

For me, it's not so much the age of the child, but how well they and I know the family.

Mine (8 and 5) have had friends over for sleepovers and have been on a couple, with people that we all know well.

I definitely wouldn't rush.

MummyLuce · 12/05/2015 13:42

No yANBU. I don't think they are really appropriate before secondary school age (11/12). No way would I let my 7 year old do one. Children of 6 and 7 derive no fun from staying up late, watching films and gossiping! The only exception would be with v close family (eg cousins) where I know it would be with an adult they kniw v well and trust, normal ish bed times, a bit of pillow bashing and then sleep.

Doubtfuldaphne · 12/05/2015 13:42

I do think that's too young. You're right to decline, every child is different - don't feel bad!
I think my ds started going for sleepovers when he was about 11.

LavenderRain · 12/05/2015 13:42

My DC never had sleepovers, cos im mean.....Grin tbh they never asked.
when DD was 18 her bf stayed but until then we didnt bother.
too much hassle imo

Bursarymum · 12/05/2015 13:42

YANBU I wouldn't let my 6 year old - she wouldn't sleep.

lemonyone · 12/05/2015 13:45

MummyLuce - my kids have lots of fun doing all those things.

Watching them play at the weekend with the DD(7) of our close friends and having popcorn parties in their PJs and running around in the garden as it got dark was wonderful.
I had loads of sleepovers at a young age and loved them. Depends on the child though, but I wouldn't blanket statement that it's too young. But for your children it very well may be.

butterflyballs · 12/05/2015 13:50

I've had various kids at mine overnight from the age of six. Both my girls love having their friends over and I always encouraged it. I never had friends to stay and missed out on that so it's something I have always done with them.

It's a personal choice so up to you. But don't criticize those who do it. It's just that, a choice. I'm not forcing ear piercing on babies or cutting off puppy tails, just letting my kids reinforce friendships by keeping me awake half the night :o

Notso · 12/05/2015 14:10

I think my two older ones were about 6/7. School residential's start at 7/8 and I know they'd stayed away a few times before then. They have all stayed with GP's from being babies though.

They haven't had as many as I did as a child. My best friend and I used to stay at one another's houses for three or fours nights at a time.

I actually find secondary age sleepovers much harder as I don't know as many of the parents and what they do and don't allow.

If your children really want to have sleepovers I do think you should consider allowing them. Also wrt nightmares DS1 has nightmares and sleep walks. He has never once had any problems at anyone else's house though.

AmberLav · 12/05/2015 14:17

I used to stay over at my best-friend's house from an early age, but she was just next door, and I spent half my time at her house anyway! Started staying over at other close friend's from about 9, but again that was in the days where you spent most of your day at the park with your friends dropping into parent's houses as you liked! Didn't do a slumber party till secondary school...

Don't think I stayed at many friend's houses, probably just 2 or 3 during primary school, and again 2 or 3 during secondary school...

SaucyJack · 12/05/2015 14:18

I think 6/7 is too young if you and your son don't know the other family well.

I can imagine for kids who've grown up next door to each other it would be fine.

Original poster
OracleofDelphi · 12/05/2015 14:24

thanks all...... Im glad parents who have had other parents say a polite no aren't offended... I just wasnt sure what age they start now as I grew up abroad. My DC go to their GPs for half term etc and they go to their godmothers house as well for sleepovers, so its not that I dont let them out of my sight - Smile Just would worry that they would be unhappy or have a bad dream.

Not criticising others who do it, and if my best friends children wanted to that would be different. But I just wanted to to canvass opinion as to what was normal regarding school friends that they have playdates with. As mentioned I grew up abroad and DH family life was v dysfunctional and he didnt have any.

OP posts:
lemonyone · 12/05/2015 14:34

Oracle - I remember my DD being asked for a sleepover when she was 7 and thinking it was waaaaay too young. The other parent assured me that she'd be fine. I hadn't even considered starting sleepovers until she was 10.

I let DD go as it was part of a birthday treat. She loved every minute and I fretted the whole time as DD is a sensitive soul! in many ways, that first sleepover 'broke the seal' and it meant I was happy with sleepovers after that. But I fully recognised other parents wouldn't be so happy about them and totally respect that.

I was Shock last week when my DF told me she regularly leaves her DS8 and DD10 at the swimming pool alone while she goes shopping. That is allowed in the country where I am. but the idea of leaving my DCs in the water without a supervising adult (only a lifeguard) just pushes what I'm prepared to do. So this is a similar example at not being ready to let our DCs do things which others consider normal at that age. We all have the ages we think our kids are able to do things.

NKfell · 12/05/2015 14:38

YANBU in my opinion because it's a personal choice.

I wouldn't allow my almost 6yr old but, I wouldn't judge anyone who does.

Original poster
OracleofDelphi · 12/05/2015 14:39

Interesting Lemon.... You're right about whats right for some isn't for others, as where I grew up we used to take swim kit to school and go to the pool after school the same way that kids here might go to the park on the way home. From about the age of 8-9 - So we were constantly swimming unsupervised. I think my issue comes from when I was little, I had one or two friends where I was allowed to sleep over from about 7 and then others from about 9. I remember waking up one night and hearing DF's mum crying and lots of shouting and hitting sort of noises, that really frightened me. I now know that she was a DV victim and it was the dad beating her up..... Sad My parents had no idea this is what he was like and so that is probably what makes me feel a bit more reserved about them.....

OP posts:
lemonyone · 12/05/2015 14:42

That sounds terrible Oracle!! No wonder you are concerned.
I probably wouldn't give it as a reason to the other parent, only because it might make them think that you even have a glimmer of a suspicion that they may act that way. But just giving a neutral "that's a kind invitation. We're not doing sleepovers yet, but they'd love to come over and play" would be absolutely fine.

Look at that with the swimming - it makes me shudder at the thought of leaving my kids (who are quite good swimmers) without me there at the pool. The lifeguards just seem so indifferent sometimes!

Original poster
OracleofDelphi · 12/05/2015 14:44

Agree Lemon I wouldnt give it as a reason..... but I think your right it hs clouded my judgement somewhat..... think I will just do as nyou suggest and maybe start it in a few years with birthday sleepovers as a one off!

OP posts:
lemonyone · 12/05/2015 14:46

Good compromise!

WipsGlitter · 12/05/2015 14:51

No. Too young and there is no way I would want to reciprocate!!

Scholes34 · 12/05/2015 14:54

But this is the best age, because they'll actually sleep!

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