Feeling guilty about lonely ds7

[DanTheNeilDiamond]

I know to some people this may be trivial but I'm heartbroken for him. I have a 3 month old and suffering mild PND so feeling like it's partly my fault.

Last year at kindy, he had a lot of friends, but this year he's having a crap time. He's quite clumsy, usually comes in last, gets quite embarrassed. His closest friend last year is very sporty and has started leaving him out of games.
Everyone else have their own friends he says and they don't wanna play with him.
He said at lunchtime he just sits by himself and watches everyone play and he gets a pain in his stomach

I feel guilty because I come from a big family but moved to a diff country, my husband doesn't have family here either. If we'd stayed home he would've had lots of cousins and friends kids to play with and would've been surrounded by love from gps, aunts & uncles daily.

He's a lovely, kind boy but i think he just gets overlooked rather than people disliking him (I hope)

The way they've structured the class this year, the only boys are him, his old best friend and another boy who's quite sporty too and they leave him out.

What do you guys think? Any advice appreciated, I'm finding it v hard to trust my own judgement at the moment, thanks

At 7 you should be able to speak to the teacher. I know at that age my kids' teachers were clued up enough to be able to help. They know the class and the personalities involved so they should be able to have a word with the other boys or the whole class perhaps so that it would help your son without specifically making it clear that it's all about him.

Meant to add - I've worried about stuff like that as well, and it's heartbreaking. Chances are though that he will sort it out by himself.

Have you spoken to his teacher? I assume you're in Oz?

Speak to his teacher...I'm not sure about Australia but there should be some support for him socially at school....can you do some playdates? Maybe get him into cubs or some other after school club?

Some kids have a harder time socially than others...they just do...just like some kids have a hard time learning to read and write...social skills come later.

My DD had a hard time at the same age but is fine now....she had cousins and aunts all around her but that didn't help her when she was at school.

She had to find her place within the group and it just took a bit longer.

I think that class structure, with only three boys (if I'm understanding correctly), would always tend to leave one of the boys out and it's pure luck if any of the three have things in common. In this case your DS being unsporty isn't helping him, but in a bigger class, with the more usual amount and range of kids to play with (15 boy in my 7yo DS's class), it wouldn't be such a problem. It's no practical help to you now, sorry, but hope it helps to at least know it's not your DS, but the situation. Are there opportunities for wider friendship groups at activities outside of school?

Are there only three boys in the whole class? Or just three boys in grade one in his class?

Thank you all so much, your replies have made me feel better.
The year has been split into two classes with three boys in his class.
They were all great friends last year but he says they don't like him anymore. I think it's just they have more in common rather than purposely leaving him out.
We do a few after school activities and he seems to get on with some there, I'll see if they can come over for a play.

Last year, he was so happy, always going to different play dates and parties and this year he's sad.
Throw in a new little brother and a distracted mom and it makes for a mixed up time for him.

Why on earth have they split such an obviously small year group? How many children in the year in total?

Whatever you do do not make him feel like a victim. Keep doing things that will make him happy outside of school and talk to teacher in school.

My ds went through this at that age. But we discovered he was choosing to sit out of playing because he was clumsy and not very sporty. The kids just didn't have time and wanted to get on with their game . And at that age would not have taken into consideration how poor ds was feeling.
We developed some strategies to help him such as bringing a book for helping pass time. Sticking to certain days where he made an effort to at least spectate so he wasn't sitting on his own, the kids could at least converse with him even if he wasn't in the game. Asking to join in if something took his interest.
Speak to his teacher or the senco if there is one, they may be able to help with his confidence and keep an eye on him.
I know how you feel it's heartbreaking. Ds is doing so well now .