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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have had enough of this 'friend'

41 replies

GingerbreadBaubles · 10/05/2015 23:35

Have known this friend for many many years, since we were children. She's always late if we arrange to meet usually an hour and is unapologetic. Her time is clearly more important.

She moved to a different country so I didn't see her for a good few years but occasionally kept in touch via Skype. She's recently moved back to the UK and seemingly only calls me when there's no one better to entertain her.

The other day at lunch she told me and the those sitting next to us who we didn't know that I was 'a smug married' and I lucked out meeting my dh, all said through insincere smiles. She's currently single and needs a 'wing woman' which I'm also crap at apparently due to being married. I'm not smug I'm just happy, we're happy.

After lunch I told her I was offended by her comments and she replied that I was being over sensitive. I am absolutely sick and tired of her putting me down in company, calling me a dick, her superiority complex and her fair weather friendship. I'd like to pour weed killer on this relationship but without any drama or explanations because she will make it somehow my fault.

Am I being mean wanting to just silently end this friendship?

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 10/05/2015 23:37

Just don't call her any more.

If she calls you to arrange stuff, say you're busy. If she questions that tell her you're too busy being a 'smug married'.

Is she Bridget Jones or something? Sounds vile.

RedButtonhole · 10/05/2015 23:41

I had a "friend" like this, she made jokes about me and barely bothered with me till she was back in our hometown and needed company.

We were really close and I always obliged/made the effort but she ended up cutting me out, can't say I'm sorry.

Koalafications · 10/05/2015 23:41

No you aren't being mean.

You have a few options.

Accept this is the way she is and continue a friendship with her.
End your friendship by telling her what you really think.
Start to phase her out of your life by not responding to text messages, or emails for a few days, say you are busy and cool things off gradually. (Less drama but is a pretty shitty way to handle things).

TowerRavenSeven · 10/05/2015 23:43

I'd just cut ties and offer no explanation. Block her number, unfriendly her, just a neat and tidy cut. She doesn't deserve you at all!

GiddyOnZackHunt · 10/05/2015 23:44

Be very very busy. Always.

MissusThePoint · 10/05/2015 23:46

Does she really say those things? To your face?!

Tell her to go fuck herself!

Or, if you want the polite option, point blank ignore her calls/txts/emails/msgs etc.

holeinmyheart · 10/05/2015 23:47

Friends should make you feel good about yourself, shouldnt they? This person isn't making you feel good.
I would walk away from her without any compunction. Why would you bother with her unless you are a masochist ?
You told her how you feel and she responded with a ' I don't care ' response.
I think life is too short to bother with people who bring you down.

The fact that you are even thinking about her feelings makes me think that you might have issues about your self esteem.

The most important person to YOU should be you.
I don't mean that you should be mean and selfish but that you should NOT sacrifice your self respect at someone else's altar.

Original poster

GingerbreadBaubles · 10/05/2015 23:48

If she's got more important things to do I don't hear from her, if I text her she'll ignore me because I don't rank highly enough on her collection of friends. However if she wants something she calls non stop and texts over and over. Most of which I ignore. I'm busy being smug.

OP posts:

straighttothepoint · 11/05/2015 06:30

Just ignore her from now on. You don't need her in your life.

pluCaChange · 11/05/2015 07:05

Well, you've told her now, so if you drop and block her now, the drama is already done.

I can't believe you would wait for her for an hour!

LindyHemming · 11/05/2015 07:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/05/2015 07:15

Life is too short. Your first two lines of your op say it all. Distance yourself. Be busy, no to meet ups. She sounds jealous.

Mehitabel6 · 11/05/2015 07:18

She isn't a friend. Take Aeroflotgirl's advice.

SoManyQuestions219 · 11/05/2015 07:18

Am I being mean wanting to just silently end this friendship?

Not at all. She sounds abusive / jealous / narcissistic, and it isn't a friendship. Can you change your phone number and tell everyone except her?

FenellaFellorick · 11/05/2015 07:20

so what if she does 'make it your fault', though? What does that matter?

She's not your friend, there's no reason at all why you should continue to see her and it is of no importance whether she thinks you're at fault. You will go happily about your life, mixing with people who actually treat you halfway decent! She doesn't matter. And she doesn't matter because of the choices she has made. She had a friend in you and by treating you the way she has, she no longer has a friend in you.

If she wants or needs to make you the bad guy, so what?

Grapejuicerocks · 11/05/2015 07:26

I'd just say no, sorry, - every time she asks you out. If she asks why, I'd tell her you explained how she made you feel and as she obviously didn't feel that she was being unreasonable, you'd prefer not to see her anymore. Then leave it at that.

Don't get drawn into any more explanations or discussions. Tell yourself, you are worth way more than to allow yourself to be treated like that. She is no friend. Refuse to feel guilty when/if she bombards you with texts apologising. Too little, too late.

ItsADinosaur · 11/05/2015 07:28

She sounds awful. Just don't bother with her.

DurhamDurham · 11/05/2015 07:33

I don't think you need to make a drama out if it but just make dude you are busy when she texts yo suggest a meet up. My apologies just state test you have other plans. Hopefully she'll get the message.

I couldn't be friends with someone if they were always late, it's just thoughtless. Add on to that the fact that she seems to delight in putting you down, you definitely don't need her in your life.

DurhamDurham · 11/05/2015 07:33

No apologies not my apologies

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 11/05/2015 07:35

Don't worry about blame/fault. She will inevitably slag you off but she's probably already doing that. I think I'd decline her future invitations with a "no thanks" and if pressed say "when we meet up you are rude and insulting. I don't enjoy it."

Original poster

GingerbreadBaubles · 11/05/2015 08:11

She's sent me a message saying she'll pop by later as she's dropping a friend of hers home who lives nearby. Not 'would it be ok' or 'are you free' the assumptions she makes that the world revolves around her really does piss me off and I not sure I can keep my mouth shut much longer!

OP posts:

Grapejuicerocks · 11/05/2015 08:53

Do what feels right. Whatever you say, should be said calmly and assertively. Don't lose it even if she responds all guns blazing. Be the better person. If you feel brave enough tell her the exact reasons. You never know she might take some of it on board and be a better friend to others.

I think it is probably too late to save this friendship now. You will notice and be resentful of, any small slight (as you've noticed the lack of courtesy about asking to drop in today).

If she realises she has been taking you for granted and is very apologetic and contrite it sounds as if this is highly unlikely then you can give her a second chance, but have the self respect to drop her immediately she gets up to her old tricks again.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/05/2015 09:04

Be out or busy, go shopping.

Joolsy · 11/05/2015 09:08

Just block her out of your life, you'll feel better for it. And don't ever let her make you feel guilty for being happy, which is quite clearly what she is not.

ShadowFire · 11/05/2015 09:09

YANBU.

She doesn't sound like much of a friend. Not sure whether I'd just be "too busy" whenever she got in touch, or whether I'd make another attempt to explain that her comments were offensive and hurtful.

As for dropping over today (without bothering to ask first if it's okay) - I'd be sorely tempted to go out somewhere for a few hours if I knew what sort of time she'd be likely to appear. What with having a life of one's own that does not revolve around self centred friend and all. But this may be slightly childish.

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