To ask for money if they insist on giving gifts?

[TheIliad]

Hiya, a regular but have name changed as I'm worried about being identified!
My DP and I are due to get married in December. It's a fairly low key wedding, around 50 guests with friends and family from both sides. The most important thing to us is being married, not the wedding so we are keeping it casual. The issue is that we have had a few requests from guests for a present list. DP and I have been living together for ages, have everything we need and in all honesty are not into 'stuff.' It sounds so awful, but I can literally think of nothing worse than our house being cluttered up with 'stuff' after the wedding, which people bought because they felt they should, but which we don't really need. We are not super rich or anything (far from it!) but neither of us get particularly excited over household appliances or accessories, I'm not a bags and shoes kinda girl, and we just don't really get attached to things. We have stressed this to our guests, and suggested if they really want to get us something, to make a donation to one of the charities we support. My MIL to be - who is absolutely lovely but quite traditional - is refusing to accept this, saying she wants to treat us, not a charity which is obviously a lovely, lovely gesture. DP suggested asking them to donate a token amount (whatever they would have spent on a gift) to our travelling fund instead, as we are planning a round the world trip next year, and would rather have money for that than a toaster IYSWIM? (This is the other reason we don't want gifts, as we are renting the house out and need to find storage.) I know from Mumsnet that asking for money for a wedding is a huge no no, but WIBU to suggest it in this situation? Or am i being a horrible selfish DIL?? I just have fears of being inundated with toasters and gift vouchers...

In the real world its fine to ask for money, even crappy poems are acceptable although totally cringey

Its not grabby at all. Yanbu.

In your situation where you have been asked for a list,can you not just go back and say you have everything you need so have not made a list but are hoping to save for your trip.
Those who insist on gift buying will probably buy a gift anyway,some people just don't do the money thing.
I would have no issue giving money,in fact its way easier and most couples live together now.
But I don't like being told how to give a gift,does it really matter if you get a few gifts you don't want?

You are clearly not a 'lots of stuff' person- If I were your friend I would happily give you money to spend on your honeymoon.

We've had a couple of friends who have said no presents but if people wanted to give something some money to get a couple of drinks, for example, on their honeymoon would be appreciated so I've converted it into the relevant currency for them and put it into a nice card.

I don't see the issue with gift cards either unless you don't want the person to know how much you've spent.

We got married a week ago and have done exactly what Ceejay14 did. We paid for all of our honeymoon ourselves but then created a list for activities etc to make it extra special. Everyone was happy to do it and it made some of our relatives feel that they were involved in the planning of the honeymoon. We depart in a couple of weeks and we are going to take pictures at each activity with us holding personalised signs to who bought the gifts. We still had people buy us gifts and that is fine as most of them we loved / didn't have before but it saved us getting lots of duplicates / things not to our taste.

Agree, I don't see the big deal in giving money (I def don't see it as "grabby" as it seems to be common practice in many communities) - I can see how it may mean people feel obliged to spend more than they would on a gift but overall, I think much better that the couple spend the amount on what they actually want rather than accumulate rubbish.

That being said, and sorry to pp, I hate that honeymoon website! Before people get offended, I realise I'm probably being unreasonable to base my opinion on one I saw last year - the cheesy wording really grated on me and made me have a slight dislike towards the couple (obviously we aren't close) they're both professionals and there was something really annoying about seeing their smiley faces before a list of things like "help us make our honeymoon special by treating us to this room upgrade" and "we dream of lounging by the fire with a glass of bubbly, going on helicopter rides, hot air balloons trips etc". Ugh.

I'd be surprised if you can't cobble a small list together. That said I have been to weddings when specifically john lewis vouchers were requested and I know they went towards a fancy piece of furniture that will last longer than any toaster.
Have also come across requests for donations to charity (though I know they also got given random gifts) - most original idea I have come across is a list via a charity to help a poor village in africa eg. A chicken, A goat, building equipment, wafer purification stuff (it was a second marriage for both).
Personally I don't feel comfortable giving money especially when requested for a holiday.

We had a mix in our list so part honeymoon and part household items. We also said we didn't want gifts however we still were asked and got fed up of being asked once or twice a week for year what we wanted so this was just simple. Personally I would rather buy / donate to something people want then buy them something that will just sit in the cupboard or get thrown away. We did charity donations as part of the wedding favours.

Just ask for the money. Most people would rather give you something you want rather than something you don't. Anyone who bitches about it being 'grabby' isn't much of a friend.

Some things you end up needing more of in a few years time, such as bedding, towels, kitchen stuff.

If people do want to give a gift, you are probably safer making a wedding list (or a wish list) rather than wait for whatever they think it's a good gift.