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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell DP it's stag weekend or festival

61 replies

DialsMavis · 10/05/2015 12:01

We never lay down the law with each other. We are getting married this year & £ is very tight.

DP always goes to a festival in July & has bought his ticket (I usually go but not this year as o would rather go to a different one in Sept).

His best friend is arranging a stag do abroad. DP told him not to as we couldn't afford it. Best friend came back and said everyone happy to pay for DP. I stated that I think that's.a huge ask & not something I would do but whatever.

The stag do is all being arranged via a private fb group that DP is not on. DP told me a couple of weeks ago that a lot of his friends now couldn't go and it was to be on my birthday weekend, 2 weeks after the festival. DP said he would put a lid on it for those reasons alone. He said he would prefer one big night out that we all went on. I had previously just asked him to take the kids away so I could have friends to stay.

He has now said flights are booked so he can't back out. I've no idea of the dates as he is working away
ATM.

So we are now in a situation where he has a festival ticket and I don't, & he will need to book 5 weekends off work if he is to do a festival and a stag, & I am to have a festival & a night out/friends to stay. To add to this we both work weekends so any he is away I can't work and lose £.

OP posts:
Original poster
DialsMavis · 10/05/2015 12:03

I need to tell him it's one or the other don't I ?

Also would his friends have been able to book flights without his passport number? Or is he just taking the piss massively and blaming his friends?

I find it all incredibly juvenile.

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midnightvelvet01 · 10/05/2015 12:05

Its very strange that he's not on the private fb group where all these arrangemets are being made without his agreement....I'd be suspicious.

But surely he wouldn't knowingly agree to be away for your birthday weekend?

EastMidsMummy · 10/05/2015 12:05

Why do you need to tell him like it's an ultimatum when you usually are both more conciliatory and grown up? Talk to him, explain the problem, show the figures, count out the lost weekends. Find the reasonable compromise.

Original poster
DialsMavis · 10/05/2015 12:06

His friend wants it to be a surprise, they are 38 ffs

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Original poster
DialsMavis · 10/05/2015 12:08

You are right, but we have had adult discussions about it and decided it's not feasible but now it will be 'too late to back out'. I just don't get it.

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Original poster
DialsMavis · 10/05/2015 12:09

I think a reasonable compromise would be we both do one thing. He will say I should let my friends pay for me to do something, but I wouldn't do that.

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NRomanoff · 10/05/2015 12:14

You can book trips without passport numbers

Tbh I don't see the huge issue. Taking away either the stag or festival, he would still need 4 weekends off. Its not ideal but its not every year.

And you do know dates, its your birthday weekend, or did I miss something?

magoria · 10/05/2015 12:14

You can book flights and add passport details later.

It is a tough one do his friends know that you both lose money when he has weekends away or are they unaware how this affects your finances?

Can you not hire a babysitter cheaper than not working for a weekend?

I think he needs to make a decision asap so that he can sell the festival ticket or they can try and get a refund/swop the flight.

Or do you think he has deliberately done this to present to you as a done deal?

How could he not be involve or say that is Dials birthday definitely not that weekend? Did none of his friends check the dates before booking? That sounds suspicious to me.

Original poster
DialsMavis · 10/05/2015 12:17

It's so strange, he is not usually a knob. He tried to cancel it ages ago before the bday thing and he friend had a hissy fit. I don't earn very much and work eves and the families all live hours away.

I think there is an element of all the guys using it as an excuse for a weekend away, how much DP is involved in that I'm not sure

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Original poster
DialsMavis · 10/05/2015 12:23

A friend phoned him to stay he wouldn't be able to make it and said "do you know it's planned for Dials' birthday?"

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MNpostingbot · 10/05/2015 12:24

Yanbu, not for the birthday unless it's an 0, but reads like too much too close together in the circumstances. Skip the festival

sherea · 10/05/2015 12:26

Surely if it's his stag do, then his friends would have had to ok everything with him before booking. For that reason I'm calling bullshit, he's doing what he wants to do but telling you it's out of his hands.

sonjadog · 10/05/2015 12:32

I find it unlikely they booked a flight without him knowing and agreeing. I think he should miss the festival this year. He can sell his ticket.

Hakluyt · 10/05/2015 12:32

I'm a bit baffled. You both have a festival ticket booked. He has a stag weekend that his mates are paying for. And you want a free night for your birthday. I must be missing something...is the problem that the stag weekend is on your birthday? Could you not move your birthday celebrations to the next weekend? Or have you planned it already?

Original poster
DialsMavis · 10/05/2015 12:34

I don't have my ticket (no £ yet!). It's the fact we have no time or £ but he is

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Writerwannabe83 · 10/05/2015 12:39

I think you're overreacting. Just let him enjoy his festival and his stag. There's no way I'd be telling my DH it was one or the other. Unless he has form for spending lots of money on a regular basis, or he's always going away weekend after weekend then I don't see what the issue is. It's unfortunate that the two events are close together but I don't think that beans he should be punished by having to sacrifice one of them.

And as for the birthday issue - so what? In the five years me and DH have been together he's only been present for one of my birthdays but I don't think it's something to cry over. The fact it's your birthday weekend is a bit of a juvenile thing to make an issue of I think.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 10/05/2015 12:40

I don't really understand why he has to choose. You knew he was going to the festival and the stag weekend. The only part that seems to have changed is that the stag weekend is on your birthday which (if it's a big birthday) isn't ideal but since the flights are booked, you can just move your birthday celebration to a different weekend.

It's not costing any more than it was at the beginning because his friends are paying for the stag weekend. So I'm a bit Confused about your issue. It sounds as though as it's come closer you've started to feel pissed off that he is getting more weekends away than you but you agreed to that initially.

Original poster
DialsMavis · 10/05/2015 12:42

It's a combination of us being extremely short of both time & £ and currently all of it is going on DP! It's not normally the way we operate.

I don't have my festival ticket as we currently can't afford it. I also don't have my wedding dress as can't afford it yet.

He had to get his ticket as they are v hard to get, so I get that.

The birthday thing I could live with, but I wouldn't go away on DPs birthday, meaning he had to stay in all weekend without checking he didn't mind.

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APlaceOnTheCouch · 10/05/2015 12:43

Unless you are the poster who has complained before about her DP being inflexible about going to festivals? Because if that's you then this problem recurs every year and is about the imbalance in your relationship and nothing to do with festivals and/or weekends away.

Original poster
DialsMavis · 10/05/2015 12:47

We agreed we would both have a stag and a hen (mine much smaller than his)& we would both go to a festival. He would rather we both went to his festival, but I wasn't keen last year, so giving it a miss in favour of something more of a laugh.

He then decided we would all go out together, but now flights have been booked without his knowledge.

There is no way I will be able to go to festival and have a night out on top of DPs gala of activities. I think he will say in good faith that it can all happen. Then it won't and he will say it's not his fault

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Original poster
DialsMavis · 10/05/2015 12:48

We were supposed to be having equal weekends but I requested houseto myself instead to save £ for me and friends

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Hakluyt · 10/05/2015 12:51

"There is no way I will be able to go to festival and have a night out on top of DPs gala of activities. I think he will say in good faith that it can all happen. Then it won't and he will say it's not his fault"

Why not? You're still having two things each- or am I once again missing something?

Original poster
DialsMavis · 10/05/2015 12:52

Because we don't have any £ or time. I would love it if we could do loads of things together and separately

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binspin · 10/05/2015 12:54

so you didn't want to go to the same festival and now you're sulking?

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 10/05/2015 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.