Baby's gender

[BingBunnyIsAKnob]

DP and I have a son aged 8 months and have recently found out that we're expecting baby number 2, I'm 7 weeks pregnant. I'm not really bothered either way about the gender as long as the baby is healthy, although if I could choose I would probably say girl because then I'd have 1 of each but it's not really that important to me. Everyone that we've told about the pregnancy including DP's nan, mother and my close friends have said "we want a girl this time please" and one of my friends constantly refers to the baby as "her, she" .. I keep correcting her but it's really starting to annoy me now, she says it about 20 times a day, I may be being over sensitive but I feel like if it is a boy that it's like it's a disappointment to people and that we shouldn't be made to feel like that, I'm going to love this baby just as much regardless of what gender it is, maybe I'm just overly emotional and being sensitive but it's getting to me, do you think I'm being unreasonable?

Maybe just say to her " oh please stop saying she! The sex is set by now. I don't mind what it is but you're putting me under pressure and I feel weird about you being upset if it's a boy."

Alternatively, a dry, long spiel about how it's the sperm that determines the sex (in full genetic detail) and isn't it awful how women down the millennia have been blamed /beheaded got providing the "wrong" sex of child.

Really go to town on it. I use the "long dry scientific explanation of why you're being an unreasonable bitch" quite a lot.

Totally a MIL thing, when hearing I was pregnant again the first thing mine said to my DH was oh perhaps your DS will get a girl this time. Erm.... DS isn't expecting we are!! First thing my SIL said was hope it's a girl. We have an amazing boy and will just be happy with a healthy baby. Some people are so inconsiderate!

It's interesting how this doesn't seem to happen the other way round, ie relatives not being disappointed about another girl

I'm really sorry to sound ignorant but could someone please tell me what the big deal is about using sex/gender? Aren't they the same?

Do I need to namechange now?!

My dfil wanted a son first then a daughter, he got mega pissed when I said it's not like you can order them on Amazon ,
However I was lucky and gave him what he wanted....god rest his soul !!

Sex is defined by your genitalia. Gender is defined by how you see yourself/others, e.g. male or female/transgender etc. So perfectly possible to define yourself as male gendered while possessing female genitalia.

Ok thanks *disappointed

I've heard of people having a sex change, of course but I'm assuming that's fairly rare.

Surely most people with a penis are men and vaginas are women, regardless of how they see themselves?

And I'm not trying to be argumentative here. Is it really un PC to use gender instead of sex?

Sex/ gender wrt a baby is just totally stupid.
A baby is male or female depending on its attributes at birth.
This whole gender stuff is just not relevant to a baby.
It's a baby ffs.

There are more transgendered people than you think.

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/11519603/Rise-in-child-transgender-referrals.html

Prior to a sex change individuals have to have counselling to ensure that they do truly identify as the alternate gender, and then live for a period of time as the alternate gender before surgery.

When we're born we're identified as a sex (girl/boy). Beyond that how we define ourselves is open, but society has specific language and expectations of the different genders. Eg, it used to be that only females were expected to clean the house, but that's nothing to do with genitalia. "Male" descriptors are generally things like "strong", "capable", "determined" while "female" attributes are described as "caring", "gentle", "tidy".

Gay men are often described as effeminate, meaning they behave like women. But they don't have to change sex to achieve that!

Janethegirl but it's an important differentiation and actually babies are exposed to gender expectations from birth. Just look at the clothing/toys aimed at separating the sexes from that young age!

Yes I do get it, knowing several transgender adults but a baby is a baby.
You do not get transgender babies!!

Which is why the term "gender" shouldn't be used to describe a baby's sex!

It's not a huge deal no,

What the OP clearly means is the SEX within the context of her post.

my rather lively FIL said in passing when I was pregnant with DD1 that he hoped it was a boy as he 'didn't know what to do with girls' (he only had experience of boys - 3 sons and 4 nephews). as I was feeling like shit my normal diplomacy filter wasn't working so just bit back 'the only person who had aby say in that was your son and that ship sailed 3 months ago. It will b e what it will be and if it's a girl you'll treat her the same as any boy'. he has been the most wonderful grandfather and has been utterly delighted that DD1 loves to play with his mecano collection that he started at the aget of 7! It's ridiculous pressure because there is nothing you could do about it

Unfortunately as the OP is experiencing to many many people gender is very important especially regarding babies. I'd also disagree with DissappointedOne's analysis. To me gender is all about social constructs, how others perceive you, and not how you perceive yourself.

I doubt that the OP's friends and family are particularly interested in whether the baby has a vagina or a penis, rather whether they will be able to buy pink or blue clothes, and start imagining interacting with the baby in various stereotyped gender based ways. Studies show that people (in general) treat male/female (or male dressed/female dressed) babies differently right from the get go.

If I was the OP I'd be pretty pissed off too. I don't understand why the sex of the coming baby matters at all really, let alone to people who have no direct investment. Also good luck OP! I have a 16mth between my two children and boy it was hard work in the first few years. Great after that though, and my two are teens now.

A baby will be a boy or a girl ( or a hemaphrodite) at birth. The extra tags will be attached later.
This thread is so depressing I'm going to block it.
A baby is a baby full stop!'
Seriously people are not all about labels which mean fuck all!!

I agree with you nooka. Trying to write an essay at the same time so might not have been clear.

Roxsan, wrt: My first is a boy and my mil's response when we told her was 'oh I wanted a girl' and had face ache all night!!

I'd have replied with "well, I wanted a puppy, but what can you do?"

I crossed posts a bit with you DisappointedOne and can see we weren't really disagreeing too much. I like the puppy line, although having had one I'm not sure that the babies weren't easier!

YANBU

but you are going to have to grow a thicker skin if your DC2 is a boy because people ranging from close family & friends to random shoppers just love to project their opinions on you with regard to your babies and their sex/gender.

You will of course love your baby whatever it is. But do be prepared to have some no-argument one liners ready.

Here's a few:
(reverse for girls)

"Why would I be disappointed in my baby?"
"I kind of love him just how he is, thanks".
"Should I send him back?"
"Sorry, didn't get the message he was meant to be a girl".
"Too many boys, have I? Tell me which I'm not meant to love".
"See, I've always thought it odd when people think I should be having a certain sex. Doesn't everyone know you get what you're given?"
"Only (x) weeks old and already you aren't good enough because you're not a girl. Good job Mummy doesn't care, isn't it DS".
"Can you imagine if I had been bothered about having a girl, you might have trod on my feelings a bit there!"

Sweet people who meant well just get a nod and a smile.

Biatches who are trying to shit stir or make you feel bad about your babies are put through their paces and left to squirm.